Today BLT said, "Well it appears that X is going to behave himself. Maybe the worst is behind us." Why oh why didn't we knock on wood, toss salt over a shoulder... something to negate the joo joo we just unleashed?
It wasn't more than an hour later that I got a call from my daycare provider. It appears that X was upset by the bill he received for his half of the child care.
Somehow in the La La Land that X operates in he's decided that he should only pay 285.00 per month for two kids. No idea where he pulled that number out of, but he decided that's his fair share and everyone else should just go along with it. His half of the bill for October is 315.00... yes folks, he's harassing someone over 30.00, what the hell is wrong with him?
So instead of being rational and mature he starts to fixate... then he starts to call. Between the hours of 8 and 11:40 he called 7 times. Who does that? He creeped out the poor girls at the center, and I feel terrible that my provider is feeling harassed.
He didn't get the answer he wanted from the first two people he spoke with so he proceeded to call five more times and just hang up when the owner wasn't the one who answered. They did the *69 thing, so they know it was him. Once the owner was available to call him back he makes vague references to having his lawyer deal with the "Icky Sticky Legal Issues" as he called them. What is there to deal with? You owe half - no matter how much it is. Suck it up, and send the poor woman her payment.
The other issue at hand is the fact that on two occasions the provider has informed him that she does not want to deal with him directly. She told him once, and sent him a letter informing him that she chooses to only deal with him via email. So he really does need to leave this poor woman alone.
For the love of baby Jesus... he can't even exhibit a little bit of self control when he knows that the GAL and therapists have his behavior under scrutiny. Why can't he just behave himself?
Oh ya... because he's a freakin' whack job! Part man child, part deranged felon... that's right....
Showing posts with label Crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Definition of Crazy
I read a quote somewhere about how the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
If that's true then my X is CRRRRAAAAZZZZY. Oh yes, most certainly bonkers, nuts, whacked, psycho, fruity.... pick your favorite term.
He can't seem to figure out that not doing what the judge requires of you doesn't impress anyone. He can't seem to get it through his thick skull that the only person he's screwing over is himself. He spends all his time trying to find new ways to avoid having a mental evaluation by the GAL, and to cost me more money at the same time, and he's spent zero time doing the things required of him to see the kids.
So what's the real priority here? I think it's plain to see that it's not reconnecting with your children. It's all about punishing me in whatever way you can, and in general avoiding all responsibility while continuing to play the victim.
Good lord.... it's been over twice as long as the judge allowed for the GAL to be appointed and he's still causing delays and refusing to abide by her ruling in regards to his mental evaluations. And he still seems to think that all these delays will some how ensure he looks better in the eyes of the court? Huh?
Today my lawyer sent another firmly worded letter, sort of a "pooh or get off the pot" offer to sign the papers as we all originally agreed to back in June, or we will see you back in court on September 22nd.
I have zero faith that he'll see the light and do what he's supposed to.... but I can pray for a miracle right?!
If that's true then my X is CRRRRAAAAZZZZY. Oh yes, most certainly bonkers, nuts, whacked, psycho, fruity.... pick your favorite term.
He can't seem to figure out that not doing what the judge requires of you doesn't impress anyone. He can't seem to get it through his thick skull that the only person he's screwing over is himself. He spends all his time trying to find new ways to avoid having a mental evaluation by the GAL, and to cost me more money at the same time, and he's spent zero time doing the things required of him to see the kids.
So what's the real priority here? I think it's plain to see that it's not reconnecting with your children. It's all about punishing me in whatever way you can, and in general avoiding all responsibility while continuing to play the victim.
Good lord.... it's been over twice as long as the judge allowed for the GAL to be appointed and he's still causing delays and refusing to abide by her ruling in regards to his mental evaluations. And he still seems to think that all these delays will some how ensure he looks better in the eyes of the court? Huh?
Today my lawyer sent another firmly worded letter, sort of a "pooh or get off the pot" offer to sign the papers as we all originally agreed to back in June, or we will see you back in court on September 22nd.
I have zero faith that he'll see the light and do what he's supposed to.... but I can pray for a miracle right?!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
What's His Motivation?
I've been thinking a lot about what my X's motivation is for the things that he does, and more so lately for the things that he doesn't do.
The family court judge told my X that he was supposed to write letters to the kids for 60 days. The goal of these letters (PLURAL) was to reintroduce himself to the children in a non threatening way, and to establish some level of communication. He sent one letter.
The judge said that a GAL (Guardian Ad Lidem) was to be agreed upon and hired within 30 days, or the first available GAL who met specific criteria was to be hired. It's been over 2 months and my X is still stalling, and arguing over who that GAL will be. He is refusing to work with the GAL appointed by the court. He presented the option of a male GAL which just won't work. We present option 2 and he claims she's too expensive.... the man who hasn't had to pay a dime in child support in two years, who's legal bills are all paid for by his mommy, who lived with said Drama Momma once he got out of jail, and who's debts were cleared for him while he sat in jail so he could start fresh upon his release... ya, that guy is now complaining about having to pay half of the GAL fee.
I'm responsible for paying the other half. And raising the kids. And paying for my therapy for what he did to us. I'm the one drowning in debt and fielding calls from collection agents looking for money for the debts dumped in my lap by both the divorce and his incarceration. Do you see me playing games with the GAL? No. Just the poor "victim" of an Ex-Husband I'm stuck with.
He says he wants to see his children. He writes long weepy declarations to the court about how his children have been poisoned against him, and how he's harassed by my family and by myself. He wears this mantle of victimization proudly and whines incessantly that he's financially strapped.
Why?
I don't understand what he's trying to achieve. If it was actually to see his kids wouldn't he be writing the letters, getting the court required therapy, and working like hell to get the GAL appointed?
If he was trying to save money wouldn't he avoid going back and forth to family court and dragging this out?
If he was trying to punish me wouldn't he realize that being in my life and in the kids life is the true punishment? That by dragging this out we're all actually HAPPIER because we don't have to deal with him directly?
I hate not understanding what his goal is. I don't know how to anticipate his next move. I can't prepare myself or my kids for whats to come, because I don't have any clue what he's trying to accomplish... and that makes me anxious.
Trying to understand the inner workings of a crazy man's mind is surely going to make me crazy too!
The family court judge told my X that he was supposed to write letters to the kids for 60 days. The goal of these letters (PLURAL) was to reintroduce himself to the children in a non threatening way, and to establish some level of communication. He sent one letter.
The judge said that a GAL (Guardian Ad Lidem) was to be agreed upon and hired within 30 days, or the first available GAL who met specific criteria was to be hired. It's been over 2 months and my X is still stalling, and arguing over who that GAL will be. He is refusing to work with the GAL appointed by the court. He presented the option of a male GAL which just won't work. We present option 2 and he claims she's too expensive.... the man who hasn't had to pay a dime in child support in two years, who's legal bills are all paid for by his mommy, who lived with said Drama Momma once he got out of jail, and who's debts were cleared for him while he sat in jail so he could start fresh upon his release... ya, that guy is now complaining about having to pay half of the GAL fee.
I'm responsible for paying the other half. And raising the kids. And paying for my therapy for what he did to us. I'm the one drowning in debt and fielding calls from collection agents looking for money for the debts dumped in my lap by both the divorce and his incarceration. Do you see me playing games with the GAL? No. Just the poor "victim" of an Ex-Husband I'm stuck with.
He says he wants to see his children. He writes long weepy declarations to the court about how his children have been poisoned against him, and how he's harassed by my family and by myself. He wears this mantle of victimization proudly and whines incessantly that he's financially strapped.
Why?
I don't understand what he's trying to achieve. If it was actually to see his kids wouldn't he be writing the letters, getting the court required therapy, and working like hell to get the GAL appointed?
If he was trying to save money wouldn't he avoid going back and forth to family court and dragging this out?
If he was trying to punish me wouldn't he realize that being in my life and in the kids life is the true punishment? That by dragging this out we're all actually HAPPIER because we don't have to deal with him directly?
I hate not understanding what his goal is. I don't know how to anticipate his next move. I can't prepare myself or my kids for whats to come, because I don't have any clue what he's trying to accomplish... and that makes me anxious.
Trying to understand the inner workings of a crazy man's mind is surely going to make me crazy too!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Animal Hoarders
I've been watching Animal Hoarders on TV today.
Someone explain WTF is wrong with these people! 150 chickens living inside your house? What? I mean, the cats and dogs peeing all over the place are gross enough... but chickens? Really?
And here's another one that puzzles the hell out of me. The family is all, "Dad can you please give up the chickens? Will you agree to find them homes?" etc. It is CRAZY behavior to have 150 chickens inside your house... Dad obviously can't be counted on to make a rational decision for himself.
My method involves waiting until Dad leaves the house and then getting rid of all the freaking chickens! All I know is if he were my family he would have a clean house... and a freezer full of nuggets!
Someone explain WTF is wrong with these people! 150 chickens living inside your house? What? I mean, the cats and dogs peeing all over the place are gross enough... but chickens? Really?
And here's another one that puzzles the hell out of me. The family is all, "Dad can you please give up the chickens? Will you agree to find them homes?" etc. It is CRAZY behavior to have 150 chickens inside your house... Dad obviously can't be counted on to make a rational decision for himself.
My method involves waiting until Dad leaves the house and then getting rid of all the freaking chickens! All I know is if he were my family he would have a clean house... and a freezer full of nuggets!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Some People Have the DUM
Ethel and I were talking about online dating tonight. I have never had this particular experience, and she has had some funny stories to share about ads she's seen or things she's heard of happening. I guess one of the things that's an issue in the whole online dating world are the "scammers" as Ethel called them. People who claim to be from another country and they are looking for a way into the US. I bet it's just some sweaty dude in Chicago looking to rip off horny idiots with low self esteem and fat wallets.
I just have to ask... can a man (or woman, I guess it happens to them too) really believe that someone they've never met loves them? I guess these women/men start a conversation and them try to develope a relationship with the goal of getting money. It starts out all "We're soulmates..." and universally ends with "Send money to get me out of the country..." and of course these people are usually beautiful. LOL, somehow ugly people manage to get out of Russia or Asia on their own just fine, it's only the beautiful, young, nubile people who need to be rescued!
LMAO... what kind of idiot falls for this? I mean seriously...I'm going to marry BLT and I would never ask him for money!
I guess there is a sucker born every minute!
I just have to ask... can a man (or woman, I guess it happens to them too) really believe that someone they've never met loves them? I guess these women/men start a conversation and them try to develope a relationship with the goal of getting money. It starts out all "We're soulmates..." and universally ends with "Send money to get me out of the country..." and of course these people are usually beautiful. LOL, somehow ugly people manage to get out of Russia or Asia on their own just fine, it's only the beautiful, young, nubile people who need to be rescued!
LMAO... what kind of idiot falls for this? I mean seriously...I'm going to marry BLT and I would never ask him for money!
I guess there is a sucker born every minute!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Shocking Truths
Several things lately have kind of shocked the crap out of me...
1. It's so much easier to find people on the internet than one would think. Find a FB page, or a twitter account, an email or even just have someone's personal information and BAM - I suddenly know more about you than you would like. I'm reading your personal thoughts, I'm finding out where you've been and what you've been doing. Considering my X's penchant for cyber stalking this just gives me the creeps.
2. People will say things on line that they would never say in person. People will be ruder, more obnoxious, and in general over-share because they have the anonymity of the internet.
3. I should know this... and honestly, I should know better... But number three is: Liars Lie. They do it over and over. They do it even when they've been caught in the lie. It's their "go to" problem solving skill. It's the way they avoid responsibility and accountability. Don't EVER expect the truth from a liar.
4. Nothing you own is worth what you think it is. Not your house, not your car, not your most prized possessions.
5. I should also know this... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I forget this one often, but damn it's so true. I like to call this the peopleofwalmart.com theory. I actually went to ol' Wally World recently and saw this principle in action.
Anything shock the hell out of you recently?
1. It's so much easier to find people on the internet than one would think. Find a FB page, or a twitter account, an email or even just have someone's personal information and BAM - I suddenly know more about you than you would like. I'm reading your personal thoughts, I'm finding out where you've been and what you've been doing. Considering my X's penchant for cyber stalking this just gives me the creeps.
2. People will say things on line that they would never say in person. People will be ruder, more obnoxious, and in general over-share because they have the anonymity of the internet.
3. I should know this... and honestly, I should know better... But number three is: Liars Lie. They do it over and over. They do it even when they've been caught in the lie. It's their "go to" problem solving skill. It's the way they avoid responsibility and accountability. Don't EVER expect the truth from a liar.
4. Nothing you own is worth what you think it is. Not your house, not your car, not your most prized possessions.
5. I should also know this... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I forget this one often, but damn it's so true. I like to call this the peopleofwalmart.com theory. I actually went to ol' Wally World recently and saw this principle in action.
Anything shock the hell out of you recently?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
It's better to be over cautious...
After being up all night thinking, and consulting my lawyer, my family, and my most trusted friend Ethel I decided to petition the court to remove the X's right to send the children letters. I don't want him to have any further access to the children until he has proven to the courts that he's no longer a danger to my kids, or to myself.
I think Bikinfool is very correct when he says that it's better to be over careful at this point. And Ethel has said many times that he no longer deserves the benefit of the doubt. Quite honestly I just can't take the added stress. Getting letters like that with thinly veiled threats raises my stress level to nearly unmanageable heights. I didn't sleep last night. I don't need anything else keeping me awake, giving me nightmares, or causing me anxiety.
This will likely cause WW III with the former in-laws. I would love to say I don't care, but God help me I'm a pacifier. I don't want people to be upset. I don't want people to be disappointed in me. It's sick, I know... but I can't help worrying that I'm going to make it worse by trying to protect my children. Seriously though, I think that his mother should be more concerned with the fact that the only people who've read those words and haven't found them threatening were the man in jail for trying to shoot me, and herself. I think this is a clear implication that she needs to get some counseling herself and get some perspective.
I haven't talked to BLT about this. Actually I haven't talked to him at all today, and I don't like to burden him while he's out of town on business anyway. This decision is mine alone, and I'm sure that there will be negative fall out, but I have to do whatever is within my power to protect my children.
I don't know if the court will approve my request. All I can do is petition the court and wait for my chance to speak on my children's behalf. As of yet I am still waiting to hear about the possible extension on the Restraining Order that expires this next week. I'm hoping there is some resolution one way or another. All this waiting makes me anxious.
I think Bikinfool is very correct when he says that it's better to be over careful at this point. And Ethel has said many times that he no longer deserves the benefit of the doubt. Quite honestly I just can't take the added stress. Getting letters like that with thinly veiled threats raises my stress level to nearly unmanageable heights. I didn't sleep last night. I don't need anything else keeping me awake, giving me nightmares, or causing me anxiety.
This will likely cause WW III with the former in-laws. I would love to say I don't care, but God help me I'm a pacifier. I don't want people to be upset. I don't want people to be disappointed in me. It's sick, I know... but I can't help worrying that I'm going to make it worse by trying to protect my children. Seriously though, I think that his mother should be more concerned with the fact that the only people who've read those words and haven't found them threatening were the man in jail for trying to shoot me, and herself. I think this is a clear implication that she needs to get some counseling herself and get some perspective.
I haven't talked to BLT about this. Actually I haven't talked to him at all today, and I don't like to burden him while he's out of town on business anyway. This decision is mine alone, and I'm sure that there will be negative fall out, but I have to do whatever is within my power to protect my children.
I don't know if the court will approve my request. All I can do is petition the court and wait for my chance to speak on my children's behalf. As of yet I am still waiting to hear about the possible extension on the Restraining Order that expires this next week. I'm hoping there is some resolution one way or another. All this waiting makes me anxious.
Monday, September 27, 2010
A Letter from the Convict...
My oldest child received a letter today from the X. While he is in prison he is only allowed to communicate with them via letter, and there are rules he's supposed to follow. First I want to say that perhaps there is nothing at all wrong with this letter... I understand that I'm not a good judge in this situation. EVERYTHING related to my X feels like a threat. I see danger in every word, and every action.
That being said, I feel there is a blatant threat being made, directed at me. He knows that every letter he writes to the children is first read by me and edited in case I object to the content. There is no way the words he wrote weren't meant for my eyes.
And so here it is... Let me know if you think I'm crazy. For privacy I'm removing any names.
Dear Chef,
I can't even tell you how much I wish I could be there for your birthday. I wish I could call you and tell you how much I love you and your sisters and how I think about you all every day. Even your mom is still on my mind every hour of every day. I haven't given up Chef, I promise you that. One day soon I'll be able to hug you again and everything else that was taken away from me.
The letter goes on to describe what he asked for on his 13th birthday and goes on to promise that whatever Chef doesn't get for Christmas or Birthday he will "find a way to get them for you when I get out". So damn typical, him trying to buy affection with expensive gifts, but I digress. Back to the letter.
He then tells Chef that there are photos of the kids on his wall (wonderful... all the lovely felons can stare at my four young children, this makes me feel just dandy) and that "You and your sisters should never have had to suffer because of the decisions your mom and I made."
HUH?? He decided we were getting divorced. Then he decided to start stalking me, hack into my computer and read all my private email, have me followed, break into my cell phone account to monitor my calls and texts, and finally to bring a gun to my house and cause me physical harm. I'm pretty sure the more accurate sentence is, "You and your sisters should never have had to suffer because the decisions I made" but again... he's still sitting his crazy ass in jail not taking responsibility for what he's done.
I'm sorry, but the LAST thing I want is for him to be thinking of me every hour of every day... can we say Obsession? Unhealthy Fixation? Scary Stalker Behavior? And then the line about him promising Chef he hasn't given up. On what? Getting me back? Getting back AT me? Finishing what he set out to do and kill me then kill himself? What is he promising exactly, when he knows I'm reading these letters?
It concerns me when he uses phrases like, "and everything else that was taken away from me" It's no ones fault but his own that he lost his job, his family, and his freedom. Yet even now, a year after going to jail he still puts the blame on everyone else.
This letter scares me. I swear one day he'll try to kill me again. If I suddenly go missing at any time after March 11, 2011 then you all know what happened to me. He didn't give up, and he finally got what he wants.
So tell me friends, am I over reacting? Is my fear getting the better of my common sense? Once before I didn't listen to that nagging voice in the back of my head that said, "protect yourself, this is getting out of control" I let him bully me. I let someone I didn't know convince me that getting a restraining order would make things worse. I didn't follow my gut, or listen to the advice of friends and family and he proved himself to be both crazy and dangerous.
I don't trust myself anymore. I don't know what is a reasonable amount of caution versus hysterical fear, because honestly thinking about him at all makes me slightly hysterical. All I know is that after reading this letter tonight I'm feeling very vulnerable and I don't like it one bit.
That being said, I feel there is a blatant threat being made, directed at me. He knows that every letter he writes to the children is first read by me and edited in case I object to the content. There is no way the words he wrote weren't meant for my eyes.
And so here it is... Let me know if you think I'm crazy. For privacy I'm removing any names.
Dear Chef,
I can't even tell you how much I wish I could be there for your birthday. I wish I could call you and tell you how much I love you and your sisters and how I think about you all every day. Even your mom is still on my mind every hour of every day. I haven't given up Chef, I promise you that. One day soon I'll be able to hug you again and everything else that was taken away from me.
The letter goes on to describe what he asked for on his 13th birthday and goes on to promise that whatever Chef doesn't get for Christmas or Birthday he will "find a way to get them for you when I get out". So damn typical, him trying to buy affection with expensive gifts, but I digress. Back to the letter.
He then tells Chef that there are photos of the kids on his wall (wonderful... all the lovely felons can stare at my four young children, this makes me feel just dandy) and that "You and your sisters should never have had to suffer because of the decisions your mom and I made."
HUH?? He decided we were getting divorced. Then he decided to start stalking me, hack into my computer and read all my private email, have me followed, break into my cell phone account to monitor my calls and texts, and finally to bring a gun to my house and cause me physical harm. I'm pretty sure the more accurate sentence is, "You and your sisters should never have had to suffer because the decisions I made" but again... he's still sitting his crazy ass in jail not taking responsibility for what he's done.
I'm sorry, but the LAST thing I want is for him to be thinking of me every hour of every day... can we say Obsession? Unhealthy Fixation? Scary Stalker Behavior? And then the line about him promising Chef he hasn't given up. On what? Getting me back? Getting back AT me? Finishing what he set out to do and kill me then kill himself? What is he promising exactly, when he knows I'm reading these letters?
It concerns me when he uses phrases like, "and everything else that was taken away from me" It's no ones fault but his own that he lost his job, his family, and his freedom. Yet even now, a year after going to jail he still puts the blame on everyone else.
This letter scares me. I swear one day he'll try to kill me again. If I suddenly go missing at any time after March 11, 2011 then you all know what happened to me. He didn't give up, and he finally got what he wants.
So tell me friends, am I over reacting? Is my fear getting the better of my common sense? Once before I didn't listen to that nagging voice in the back of my head that said, "protect yourself, this is getting out of control" I let him bully me. I let someone I didn't know convince me that getting a restraining order would make things worse. I didn't follow my gut, or listen to the advice of friends and family and he proved himself to be both crazy and dangerous.
I don't trust myself anymore. I don't know what is a reasonable amount of caution versus hysterical fear, because honestly thinking about him at all makes me slightly hysterical. All I know is that after reading this letter tonight I'm feeling very vulnerable and I don't like it one bit.
Monday, September 13, 2010
1 year ago today...
He called, demanding that I pick up the dogs from his house. I refused, it was after ten at night and I was just getting ready to hop in the shower.
The next thing I know he's at my door. He tries to talk me into coming out to his car to grab the dogs. Again I refuse. He tries to get me to come out to his car to get a bag of dog food. I tell him to keep it - I have my own bag.
When it's clear I won't come out to his vehicle he walks out and stands beside it for five to seven minutes. I just want him to leave. I just want a hot shower and my bed, I have to work in the morning. All I have on is my bathrobe and I feel vulnerable. I figure the fastest way to get rid of him is to see what he's doing.
On my front porch I see him grab a long, black plastic case with a center handle from his car. He says, "I told you I bought Chef a guitar right?" I think to myself, "well that's the weirdest guitar case I've ever seen, it's so narrow. I'm sure he bought some piece of shit toy thing that won't work and I'll get to fix it when she's disappointed."
I turn around and walk into my house, he follows immediately behind me. I don't notice him locking the door as well as the deadbolt. I sit on the couch, my back to him. I fiddle with my cell phone that I put into the pocket of my robe. I remember thinking, "maybe someone will call and I'll have an excuse to get him out of my house." I hear him behind me fiddling with the case and I assume he's pulling out this weird guitar to show me.
In a moment he says to me, dead calm, kind of a low, slow tone. "So we really aren't getting back together are we?"
"no... we are never getting back together"
"Well this won't take long" and like a slow motion dream I hear the familiar sound of a gun being cocked opened. Not that I have any experience with firearms at all, but I've seen enough movies. I've heard that sound a thousand times over on the big screen. I look over my shoulder and I see him removing shells from his pocket and loading them into the chamber of the rifle. It's pointed directly at my head.
I slowly stand up, backing towards the door I dial 911 on the cell phone in my pocket. When I hear the operator's voice I life the phone to my ear and say, "my ex husband is in my house with a gun I need the police NOW."
She asks me if I can get out of the house. I tell her I don't know. She tells me to run, just run and don't stop until I get someplace safe. I'm pulling on the doorknob and I can't figure out why it won't open. I see the deadbolt and I flip it open. I pull again... it still won't open. I'm starting to get frantic, I feel trapped. I'm sweating and my blood is pounding in my ears. It occurs to me that the door is locked, and I flip it open.
Suddenly it's a rush of cold night air and I'm running. I hear him behind me on the patio yelling "YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!" I keep running down the driveway. It is near total darkness, no street lights and only a few lights from local houses. I head to one of those lights in the neighbors house.
A sudden explosion of pain in my right foot sends me to the ground. I land on my right shoulder feeling it shoved out of its socket. Another explosion of pain makes my vision blur. I don't feel like I can take a deep breath as I crawl on my hands and knees to my neighbor's door. I pound furiously. I can still hear him screaming in the distance.
My neighbor answers the door. I tell him what happened. I'm still on the phone with the police. I must have given them my address by this point. They tell me that help is on the way. My neighbor hides me in the closet of a back bedroom with his teenage daughter and his wife. He's also on the phone to the police. I keep apologizing over and over for bleeding on their floor. My foot looks like raw hamburger and my arm is hanging limp, useless, and at an unnatural angle.
The police arrive a few minutes later. They get me out of the closet. They hurry us out of the house. I see the SWAT team arrive as they lock me in the back of a police car. I call my best friend and his family before someone searches me and takes my phone. For three hours I'm questioned, I'm forced to write a statement with my dislocated arm. My cell phone is confiscated. I'm nearly naked - still in nothing but my bathrobe, cold, and injured. They won't tell me where my children are. I'm frantic, having convinced myself that he killed them before he came to kill me. I am honestly and truly, for the first time in my life, hysterical.
The rest is a blur. At some point the police finally inform me that they found my children alive and well at his home. My former in-laws picked them up and they are safe. They take me to the station and lock me in an interview room. After approximately four hours I demand they let me go or charge me with a crime and get me a lawyer. I demand my cell phone be returned to me. I call my best friend. She comes to get me.
At some point in the wee hours of the morning he surrenders and they remove him from my home without further incident or injury. He's arrested. My life is never the same again.
I have to tell my children that their dad won't be coming back to them for a long time. I have to make statements to the police again, get a restraining order, contact my land-lord, get medical attention, call my employer, and try not to break into a million little pieces.
One year ago today I became a person I never imagined I could be. I became a victim, a single mother, a survivor.
One year ago today I changed.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Exhaustion and Pulling Out the Big Guns
I got back from three days at the Great Wolf Lodge with my four children and my niece. Five kids and me... and one giant headache. The kids were great actually, it's just the normal stress that goes along with keeping track of, feeding, entertaining, and transporting five kids under the age of 13 several hours from home to a water park hotel.
I love my kids. I love spending time with my kids... but damn... I was so ready to come home after 24 hours, much less three full days.
After coming home, what do I decide to do? I spend all day Saturday doing errands and today I help Ethel move! LOL, I'm obviously crazy, hehe. Actually I feel good about that part. It's a big job, and I'm her best friend. I would do anything for her. We kicked butt too! Big Motha Truckers rollin' in the Chevy - sexy! :)
Speaking of errands. I did something Saturday I never thought I would do. I purchased a hand gun and filled out my registration for a concealed carry permit. My X gets out in a little over six months, and I'm honestly afraid for my safety and for the safety of my kids. My no contact order will only go so far. He pulled a gun on me. It's been over a year and he's still sitting his crazy ass in jail taking no responsibility for what he's done. So... I won't be unprotected if he decides to violate the restraining order and he tries to hurt me.
I contact my instructor tomorrow to set up my private lessons and take my basic gun safety course. This is an empowering and still terrifying and horrifying prospect all at the same time. Up until this moment I've always been against hand guns. I am not a violent person, and I don't think you can solve violence with violence. However, he caught me unaware once, and I honestly believe he would have killed me if I hadn't gotten away. That will not happen again.
It's been an exhausting week. Emotionally and physically. Going back to work on Monday will actual be more relaxing I think!
I love my kids. I love spending time with my kids... but damn... I was so ready to come home after 24 hours, much less three full days.
After coming home, what do I decide to do? I spend all day Saturday doing errands and today I help Ethel move! LOL, I'm obviously crazy, hehe. Actually I feel good about that part. It's a big job, and I'm her best friend. I would do anything for her. We kicked butt too! Big Motha Truckers rollin' in the Chevy - sexy! :)
Speaking of errands. I did something Saturday I never thought I would do. I purchased a hand gun and filled out my registration for a concealed carry permit. My X gets out in a little over six months, and I'm honestly afraid for my safety and for the safety of my kids. My no contact order will only go so far. He pulled a gun on me. It's been over a year and he's still sitting his crazy ass in jail taking no responsibility for what he's done. So... I won't be unprotected if he decides to violate the restraining order and he tries to hurt me.
I contact my instructor tomorrow to set up my private lessons and take my basic gun safety course. This is an empowering and still terrifying and horrifying prospect all at the same time. Up until this moment I've always been against hand guns. I am not a violent person, and I don't think you can solve violence with violence. However, he caught me unaware once, and I honestly believe he would have killed me if I hadn't gotten away. That will not happen again.
It's been an exhausting week. Emotionally and physically. Going back to work on Monday will actual be more relaxing I think!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Dear Former In-laws...
Dear former in-laws,
Please do us all a favor and butt out of my life.
You have to accept the fact that you are no longer involved in certain aspects of my life. When I divorced your son, hell BEFORE that, when he brought a gun to my house and your answer was to lay blame at my door you lost a right to have a say in how I live my life.
When you paid for the divorce lawyer whose only job was to screw my kids out of the resources they deserve to feed and clothe them then you made a choice. You chose your gun toting, narcissistic son over your grandchildren and you lost the right to have input on how I raise them.
Do not ask me about my personal life. Do not ask me about my finances. Do not share your opinion on either of these subjects either. Do not make judgements about me, do not discuss my private affairs behind my back with other family members. Keep your unwanted opinions to yourself.
Do not call me at work, and get me so upset by butting into things that have nothing to do with you that I start to have chest pains and feel the need to hide in a closet and scream at the top of my lungs in frustration.
What I once accepted as "involvement" out of parental love I have now come to realize is simply nothing more than an unhealthy control issue. You need to control what I do, what I say, whom I socialize with, how I raise my children and any other aspect of my life that you feel is your business because your bat shit crazy son is sitting in jail and you desperately need someone to blame.
I am not your scape goat for all the crap you're dealing with. I'm not the cause of your grief, your own personal marital problems, your emotional pain, your financial woes, or your ire. I did not raise a selfish, self obsessed, anti-social man, and then make excuses for his erratic and downright destructive behavior...that one is all on you. Deal with it.
I will not be made to feel guilty because I do not love your son. If you are sitting around hoping I'll take him back when he gets out of jail then you're just as crazy and demented as he is.
I will not let you control me with money - or the withholding of it. You can not bride me, or my children into behaving in the way you feel is most "appropriate". I will say what I want, I will tell my side of this story without shame. I will take responsibility for the mistakes I made, however I will not make any apologies to YOU for the decisions I made. BECAUSE I WAS NOT MARRIED TO YOU!! I will not hide my feeling or my intentions. I will not let you shame me into feeling like I'm somehow in the wrong for finding happiness and love because YOU aren't ready yet.
I am moving on with my life. Accept it, or leave me the hell alone.
Yours Truly,
Little Ol' Me
Please do us all a favor and butt out of my life.
You have to accept the fact that you are no longer involved in certain aspects of my life. When I divorced your son, hell BEFORE that, when he brought a gun to my house and your answer was to lay blame at my door you lost a right to have a say in how I live my life.
When you paid for the divorce lawyer whose only job was to screw my kids out of the resources they deserve to feed and clothe them then you made a choice. You chose your gun toting, narcissistic son over your grandchildren and you lost the right to have input on how I raise them.
Do not ask me about my personal life. Do not ask me about my finances. Do not share your opinion on either of these subjects either. Do not make judgements about me, do not discuss my private affairs behind my back with other family members. Keep your unwanted opinions to yourself.
Do not call me at work, and get me so upset by butting into things that have nothing to do with you that I start to have chest pains and feel the need to hide in a closet and scream at the top of my lungs in frustration.
What I once accepted as "involvement" out of parental love I have now come to realize is simply nothing more than an unhealthy control issue. You need to control what I do, what I say, whom I socialize with, how I raise my children and any other aspect of my life that you feel is your business because your bat shit crazy son is sitting in jail and you desperately need someone to blame.
I am not your scape goat for all the crap you're dealing with. I'm not the cause of your grief, your own personal marital problems, your emotional pain, your financial woes, or your ire. I did not raise a selfish, self obsessed, anti-social man, and then make excuses for his erratic and downright destructive behavior...that one is all on you. Deal with it.
I will not be made to feel guilty because I do not love your son. If you are sitting around hoping I'll take him back when he gets out of jail then you're just as crazy and demented as he is.
I will not let you control me with money - or the withholding of it. You can not bride me, or my children into behaving in the way you feel is most "appropriate". I will say what I want, I will tell my side of this story without shame. I will take responsibility for the mistakes I made, however I will not make any apologies to YOU for the decisions I made. BECAUSE I WAS NOT MARRIED TO YOU!! I will not hide my feeling or my intentions. I will not let you shame me into feeling like I'm somehow in the wrong for finding happiness and love because YOU aren't ready yet.
I am moving on with my life. Accept it, or leave me the hell alone.
Yours Truly,
Little Ol' Me
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
You've got to be kidding me...
According to a reliable source my bat shit crazy ex husband is now going to try and sue me for contempt of court. Apparently he feels that since he hasn't lost his parental rights I'm in contempt for not telling him where the girls are living, going to school and daycare.
The problem I have... well okay, there are many... but lets start with the fact that if he finds out where THEY are, then he finds out where I am. Since he attempted to shoot me, and I have a five year no contact order I'm thinking I don't have to inform him of shit. Also, as of right now the kids are still on an order of protection. He's not even allowed near their school or day care...so this all stinks of just being another attempt to cost me legal fees I don't have and punish me any way he can.
Who knows if his nearly as crazy mother will finance this new little bit of insanity. I'm thinking I have a fifty-fifty shot she'll say no. He pretty much bankrupted her with his uber expensive defense lawyer who got him his cherry of a deal and then his ridiculously expensive divorce lawyer that pretty much did nothing, but sucked his mother's bank account dry and keep him from loosing everything but the prison issue underwear he's using.
On a related, but slightly different topic. I've as of yet still not heard a word from f'ing Prudential who holds the 401K funds. I was awarded 85% of those funds, and it said in the divorce papers that they were required to contact me "in a timely manner" to let me know how to get those funds. No contact yet via phone, mail, email or through my lawyer. So I have no clue what to do.
I don't have any phone or account numbers to reference and I'm pretty sure I can't just call Prudential up and say "hey, twat waffle...where's my money?" although that would be just a wee bit satisfying, if juvenile. If I can't get those funds I have no idea how I'm going to buy school clothes for all four kids, plus supplies, back packs, winter coats, shoes etc. Without any child support I can barely just squeak by paying my bills and covering rent etc. Those kinds of extras just aren't in the budget.
So... life marches forward. Just a little more crazy today than yesterday. But honestly at this point I should expect these things to pop up from time to time. For the next 13 years I'm going to have to deal with Capt. Crazypants and whatever ridiculous way he can come up with to make my life difficult. God help me I hope I don't end up on an episode of Snapped one day.
The problem I have... well okay, there are many... but lets start with the fact that if he finds out where THEY are, then he finds out where I am. Since he attempted to shoot me, and I have a five year no contact order I'm thinking I don't have to inform him of shit. Also, as of right now the kids are still on an order of protection. He's not even allowed near their school or day care...so this all stinks of just being another attempt to cost me legal fees I don't have and punish me any way he can.
Who knows if his nearly as crazy mother will finance this new little bit of insanity. I'm thinking I have a fifty-fifty shot she'll say no. He pretty much bankrupted her with his uber expensive defense lawyer who got him his cherry of a deal and then his ridiculously expensive divorce lawyer that pretty much did nothing, but sucked his mother's bank account dry and keep him from loosing everything but the prison issue underwear he's using.
On a related, but slightly different topic. I've as of yet still not heard a word from f'ing Prudential who holds the 401K funds. I was awarded 85% of those funds, and it said in the divorce papers that they were required to contact me "in a timely manner" to let me know how to get those funds. No contact yet via phone, mail, email or through my lawyer. So I have no clue what to do.
I don't have any phone or account numbers to reference and I'm pretty sure I can't just call Prudential up and say "hey, twat waffle...where's my money?" although that would be just a wee bit satisfying, if juvenile. If I can't get those funds I have no idea how I'm going to buy school clothes for all four kids, plus supplies, back packs, winter coats, shoes etc. Without any child support I can barely just squeak by paying my bills and covering rent etc. Those kinds of extras just aren't in the budget.
So... life marches forward. Just a little more crazy today than yesterday. But honestly at this point I should expect these things to pop up from time to time. For the next 13 years I'm going to have to deal with Capt. Crazypants and whatever ridiculous way he can come up with to make my life difficult. God help me I hope I don't end up on an episode of Snapped one day.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Words of Wisdom... and Capt. Crazy Town
Ethel sent me an email a few days ago and this was at the bottom: Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile...
I love that! It's so true, and it really speaks to me today. I'm struggling with nearly all of those. Forgiveness? Not happening today. I'm working on the kissing, the loving and the laughing however.
I went to court, all scrubbed clean and ready to be DIVORCED! And I'm not... it was a total joke. First of all I had to read over the settlement and sign it.
Okay, here's the thing. I made an offer to try and avoid going to court. He absolutely refused. His mommy cut the purse strings. He made me the exact same offer, with one tiny addition. I accepted. My lawyer drafted up the paperwork. He refused to sign because he didn't like the way the dates were formatted, how we described the crime he plead guilty to, and a few other ridiculous things. I pay my lawyer to re-draft and resubmit. He signs, but can't send back the paperwork w/o a "special D.O.C. envelope" which we find out is total bull shit. He sends the paperwork in - but he didn't sign all the areas. We pitch a fit at the continued delays (this whole process has taken place over several months) and his lawyer signs for him and returns the papers... FINALLY!
I drive three hours to sign the paperwork, and low and behold he's scribbled notes in the margins. His crime is described as: Harassment with a fire arm, domestic violence against the wife. He scribbled out the words "against the wife" and wrote in "against himself" REALLY? WTF?? He's still sitting in jail believing that he didn't do anything wrong. He's convinced himself and his family that he came to my house, blocked in my car, locked me in, loaded a gun while pointing it at my head and said, "this won't take long"... and he was there to commit suicide. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. He accepts no responsibility - AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY HE IS STILL REALLY, REALLY DANGEROUS TO ME!! He still believes to this day that I lied, and if I would just tell everyone he was only there to kill himself he wouldn't have to be in prison. WTF is this man's problem? He's a total whack-a-doodle.
So after our good laugh at the fact that the man thinks he plead guilty to domestic violence against himself I continue reading...
Under the section where we divide our meager assets he writes in "except for the washer and dryer, which are on loan from the husband to the wife." Again...WTF?? What does he need with a washer and dryer... in prison? The man doesn't even know how to do his own laundry! When he gets out he's moving in with Mommy. I have the four kids, I need the washer. The only reason he wants it is that he knows it's a 2000.00 dollar set and I don't have the money (you know, being a single mom with four kids and no child support) to buy anything as nice. I LOVE that huge Maytag set, it washes 22 towels or 16 pairs of jeans. Basically I can get all the kids stuff done each week. If I don't have a super sized set I'll never be able to keep up with the laundry.... he knows this... Jackass!!
So fine, I'll give him the washer and dryer. It's not on "loan" for craps sake, but whatever. I'll save up for the next nine months and try to buy one. Then I'll leave this set out in the rain in the back yard until he sends a moving company to pick it up. Maybe I'll toss a nice salmon inside it to rot for good measure.
See...that makes me laugh! But the forgiveness? Not gonna happen any time soon.
I love that! It's so true, and it really speaks to me today. I'm struggling with nearly all of those. Forgiveness? Not happening today. I'm working on the kissing, the loving and the laughing however.
I went to court, all scrubbed clean and ready to be DIVORCED! And I'm not... it was a total joke. First of all I had to read over the settlement and sign it.
Okay, here's the thing. I made an offer to try and avoid going to court. He absolutely refused. His mommy cut the purse strings. He made me the exact same offer, with one tiny addition. I accepted. My lawyer drafted up the paperwork. He refused to sign because he didn't like the way the dates were formatted, how we described the crime he plead guilty to, and a few other ridiculous things. I pay my lawyer to re-draft and resubmit. He signs, but can't send back the paperwork w/o a "special D.O.C. envelope" which we find out is total bull shit. He sends the paperwork in - but he didn't sign all the areas. We pitch a fit at the continued delays (this whole process has taken place over several months) and his lawyer signs for him and returns the papers... FINALLY!
I drive three hours to sign the paperwork, and low and behold he's scribbled notes in the margins. His crime is described as: Harassment with a fire arm, domestic violence against the wife. He scribbled out the words "against the wife" and wrote in "against himself" REALLY? WTF?? He's still sitting in jail believing that he didn't do anything wrong. He's convinced himself and his family that he came to my house, blocked in my car, locked me in, loaded a gun while pointing it at my head and said, "this won't take long"... and he was there to commit suicide. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. He accepts no responsibility - AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY HE IS STILL REALLY, REALLY DANGEROUS TO ME!! He still believes to this day that I lied, and if I would just tell everyone he was only there to kill himself he wouldn't have to be in prison. WTF is this man's problem? He's a total whack-a-doodle.
So after our good laugh at the fact that the man thinks he plead guilty to domestic violence against himself I continue reading...
Under the section where we divide our meager assets he writes in "except for the washer and dryer, which are on loan from the husband to the wife." Again...WTF?? What does he need with a washer and dryer... in prison? The man doesn't even know how to do his own laundry! When he gets out he's moving in with Mommy. I have the four kids, I need the washer. The only reason he wants it is that he knows it's a 2000.00 dollar set and I don't have the money (you know, being a single mom with four kids and no child support) to buy anything as nice. I LOVE that huge Maytag set, it washes 22 towels or 16 pairs of jeans. Basically I can get all the kids stuff done each week. If I don't have a super sized set I'll never be able to keep up with the laundry.... he knows this... Jackass!!
So fine, I'll give him the washer and dryer. It's not on "loan" for craps sake, but whatever. I'll save up for the next nine months and try to buy one. Then I'll leave this set out in the rain in the back yard until he sends a moving company to pick it up. Maybe I'll toss a nice salmon inside it to rot for good measure.
See...that makes me laugh! But the forgiveness? Not gonna happen any time soon.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
On the topic of forgiveness
While reading my favorite blogs today I came across this post by T: The Quest for T: Reconciliation Day
It really got me thinking about the players in the little soap opera that has become my life. So many people have been effected. So many lives changed forever. There are several people I'm going to have to forgive, and come to terms with their decisions - starting with myself.
So here it is... I forgive myself. I accept that I made mistakes, that I wasn't honest - with myself or others. I take responsibility for getting involved with another man before my marriage was over. I admit that I knew my marriage was over years before I was brave enough to do something about it. I accept the disappointment I see in my parents' eyes and I forgive myself.
Now, the forgiveness of others is going to take some time. In no particular order I will work on forgiving:
My Former Mother In Law: For paying for his divorce lawyer. For paying for the X's defense lawyer. For being manipulative and emotionally needy. For putting her son before her grandchildren. For discussing the personal aspects of my divorce and my sexuality with other people. For invading my privacy.
My Former Father In Law: For being a rampant gossip, and for trying to share intimate details of my life with my parents of all people. For telling me that I needed to invest in a Nun Habit and a vibrator because no man will ever want me once he finds out I'm a single mom with four kids.
Good Time Friends: For disappearing when the going got tough. For saying they cared and wouldn't pick sides, and in lieu of taking sides they just drifted off onto the ether.
Convenient Christians: For pretending to care about my kids. For telling me that my marriage could be fixed if I prayed hard enough...and then once they heard about the gun "incident" having the balls to tell me to pray for the X's soul. Both the good time friends and convenient Christians who were nowhere to be found when my kids and I found ourselves essentially homeless.
The Land Lady: For being cold hearted and kicking us out when she knew what happened and that I couldn't pay the rent without child support. She gave me two weeks to move all my stuff out, and then kept the entire damage deposit even though I had only lived there 30 days.
Last, but most certainly not least...
X: For being a useless father, a crappy lover, a selfish and lazy husband. For tell all our personal business to anyone who would listen, friends, coworkers, neighbors, the Schwan's guy for craps sake. For cyber stalking, being a liar and a general nutcase. For being a control freak. For bringing a gun to my house, pointing it at my head and saying four horrifying words, "This Won't Take Long" For calling me a whore in front of our daughters. For telling our two impressionable pre-teens exactly how they should go about killing themselves if he didn't come home.
All of these people I think I can forgive with time.... with the exception of the X. I'm not sure his sins are forgivable. I'm pretty sure I don't even want to forgive him. The anger keeps me motivated, it keeps me focused, it gives me an outlet for my anger. I'm not ready to give that up yet... I'm not sure if I can.
It really got me thinking about the players in the little soap opera that has become my life. So many people have been effected. So many lives changed forever. There are several people I'm going to have to forgive, and come to terms with their decisions - starting with myself.
So here it is... I forgive myself. I accept that I made mistakes, that I wasn't honest - with myself or others. I take responsibility for getting involved with another man before my marriage was over. I admit that I knew my marriage was over years before I was brave enough to do something about it. I accept the disappointment I see in my parents' eyes and I forgive myself.
Now, the forgiveness of others is going to take some time. In no particular order I will work on forgiving:
My Former Mother In Law: For paying for his divorce lawyer. For paying for the X's defense lawyer. For being manipulative and emotionally needy. For putting her son before her grandchildren. For discussing the personal aspects of my divorce and my sexuality with other people. For invading my privacy.
My Former Father In Law: For being a rampant gossip, and for trying to share intimate details of my life with my parents of all people. For telling me that I needed to invest in a Nun Habit and a vibrator because no man will ever want me once he finds out I'm a single mom with four kids.
Good Time Friends: For disappearing when the going got tough. For saying they cared and wouldn't pick sides, and in lieu of taking sides they just drifted off onto the ether.
Convenient Christians: For pretending to care about my kids. For telling me that my marriage could be fixed if I prayed hard enough...and then once they heard about the gun "incident" having the balls to tell me to pray for the X's soul. Both the good time friends and convenient Christians who were nowhere to be found when my kids and I found ourselves essentially homeless.
The Land Lady: For being cold hearted and kicking us out when she knew what happened and that I couldn't pay the rent without child support. She gave me two weeks to move all my stuff out, and then kept the entire damage deposit even though I had only lived there 30 days.
Last, but most certainly not least...
X: For being a useless father, a crappy lover, a selfish and lazy husband. For tell all our personal business to anyone who would listen, friends, coworkers, neighbors, the Schwan's guy for craps sake. For cyber stalking, being a liar and a general nutcase. For being a control freak. For bringing a gun to my house, pointing it at my head and saying four horrifying words, "This Won't Take Long" For calling me a whore in front of our daughters. For telling our two impressionable pre-teens exactly how they should go about killing themselves if he didn't come home.
All of these people I think I can forgive with time.... with the exception of the X. I'm not sure his sins are forgivable. I'm pretty sure I don't even want to forgive him. The anger keeps me motivated, it keeps me focused, it gives me an outlet for my anger. I'm not ready to give that up yet... I'm not sure if I can.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Good News / Bad News
Good and bad news keeps flowing my way. In the ebb and flow of life I can't really say if the tide is in or out...if I'm up or down. I am a little lost in the whirl, and I feel like I'm rowing a tiny boat in a great, big turbulent ocean.
Last week I got good news about the money I need... this week I hear that it will take at least two weeks for the check to "clear" according to the X's lawyers. So they won't send me my money until after the first of next month. I'm sorry...it's more stall tactics, it doesn't take anyone two weeks to get a check to clear in this day and age. It's total bullshit and it makes me very angry that they are still trying to manipulate and/or punish me through financial means.
Good news this week... Soon I'll officially be a DIVORCED WOMAN!! My X's mother finally grew a pair and told her psycho son that she wouldn't pay for this divorce to to go court. None of us can afford it. I sent him a very reasonable offer...he told his mother he refused to sign any offer that included him having monitored visitation... monitored visitation is going to be mandatory due to the fact that HE IS A CONVICTED FELON OF A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ASSAULT WITH A GUN!! And yes, yes I am yelling.
I'm so fed up with his excuses, his manipulations, his absolute refusal to see the truth in any given situation. The fact that his desire to punish me outweighs his desire to care for his children infuriates me to no end.
Well his lawyers must have made his see that he will have no choice in the matter, or maybe it's just the fact that mommy cut him off financially - finally. I don't care what it is, the fact of the matter is that he counter-offered and I accepted.
The kicker is that his offer was a simple rewording of my offer. He only changed one tiny thing, which I think is perfectly fair. I accepted in a heart-beat and told my lawyer to get the paperwork started immediately.
I'm terrified, absolutely terrified that he'll change his mind and retract the offer, if that's even legal, and I'll have gotten my hopes up for nothing. I won't be able to sleep until I know for sure it's a done deal. I want to have my relationship severed from him for good, and I'll be able to feel like I can move on with my life once that's done. I'll really be free.
So good news is I'll be getting the lion's share of the retirement fund in lieu of child support while he's in the pokey. Bad news is that it will take several months for the company to pay that out, and I'll loose 30% in early withdrawal penalties, another 25% in taxes... I'll get less than half of what the amount is. Which sucks ass, but even that 45% can be used to pay off more of my debt, can get some things for the house we really need, can get the kids summer clothes and hopefully have enough left over for school supplies come next fall and a new windshield for my poor car.
It's been a bumpy ride this week, and it didn't help that I worked very long, very busy days and came home too exhausted both emotionally and physically to do any exercising at all.
I think I'll get up in the morning and take a nice jog in the sunshine. I need the release, and the exercise, and the peace and quiet after this roller coaster I've been on!
Last week I got good news about the money I need... this week I hear that it will take at least two weeks for the check to "clear" according to the X's lawyers. So they won't send me my money until after the first of next month. I'm sorry...it's more stall tactics, it doesn't take anyone two weeks to get a check to clear in this day and age. It's total bullshit and it makes me very angry that they are still trying to manipulate and/or punish me through financial means.
Good news this week... Soon I'll officially be a DIVORCED WOMAN!! My X's mother finally grew a pair and told her psycho son that she wouldn't pay for this divorce to to go court. None of us can afford it. I sent him a very reasonable offer...he told his mother he refused to sign any offer that included him having monitored visitation... monitored visitation is going to be mandatory due to the fact that HE IS A CONVICTED FELON OF A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ASSAULT WITH A GUN!! And yes, yes I am yelling.
I'm so fed up with his excuses, his manipulations, his absolute refusal to see the truth in any given situation. The fact that his desire to punish me outweighs his desire to care for his children infuriates me to no end.
Well his lawyers must have made his see that he will have no choice in the matter, or maybe it's just the fact that mommy cut him off financially - finally. I don't care what it is, the fact of the matter is that he counter-offered and I accepted.
The kicker is that his offer was a simple rewording of my offer. He only changed one tiny thing, which I think is perfectly fair. I accepted in a heart-beat and told my lawyer to get the paperwork started immediately.
I'm terrified, absolutely terrified that he'll change his mind and retract the offer, if that's even legal, and I'll have gotten my hopes up for nothing. I won't be able to sleep until I know for sure it's a done deal. I want to have my relationship severed from him for good, and I'll be able to feel like I can move on with my life once that's done. I'll really be free.
So good news is I'll be getting the lion's share of the retirement fund in lieu of child support while he's in the pokey. Bad news is that it will take several months for the company to pay that out, and I'll loose 30% in early withdrawal penalties, another 25% in taxes... I'll get less than half of what the amount is. Which sucks ass, but even that 45% can be used to pay off more of my debt, can get some things for the house we really need, can get the kids summer clothes and hopefully have enough left over for school supplies come next fall and a new windshield for my poor car.
It's been a bumpy ride this week, and it didn't help that I worked very long, very busy days and came home too exhausted both emotionally and physically to do any exercising at all.
I think I'll get up in the morning and take a nice jog in the sunshine. I need the release, and the exercise, and the peace and quiet after this roller coaster I've been on!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
My Freak Out
I had a melt down after Friday's conversation with the former in law. I'm overwhelmed with my life, my financial burdens, my children's pain, my own pain, and the legal battle ahead of me.
My BLT called... he made me feel so much better. I jumped to the wrong conclusion about something and sent him a text, then another text, then called twice. I didn't realize he had been called into work for a couple hours.
When he called me back he calmly listened to me blubber and cry and then he just said, "hey, do me a favor. Don't assume because everyone else has shit all over you lately that I'm going to do it too."
And he's right. That's exactly what I did. I have been waiting for him to break my heart. Waiting for him to crap all over me, because life in general has spent the past several months doing just that.
Then in true BLT fashion he says, "repeat after me... BLT is MY man, he loves me, and he's not going anywhere." and he refused to hang up until I did just that. It made me laugh, it made me feel ridiculous, but damn it made me feel good too.
He's mine, he's not going anywhere, he loves me. Freak out over.
My BLT called... he made me feel so much better. I jumped to the wrong conclusion about something and sent him a text, then another text, then called twice. I didn't realize he had been called into work for a couple hours.
When he called me back he calmly listened to me blubber and cry and then he just said, "hey, do me a favor. Don't assume because everyone else has shit all over you lately that I'm going to do it too."
And he's right. That's exactly what I did. I have been waiting for him to break my heart. Waiting for him to crap all over me, because life in general has spent the past several months doing just that.
Then in true BLT fashion he says, "repeat after me... BLT is MY man, he loves me, and he's not going anywhere." and he refused to hang up until I did just that. It made me laugh, it made me feel ridiculous, but damn it made me feel good too.
He's mine, he's not going anywhere, he loves me. Freak out over.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
If that's how they want to play it...
My former mother in law made a huge mistake. She has no business being involved in my divorce period. She's paying for the X's divorce lawyer, and she keeps trying to play the go between.
She called on Friday. We sent a totally reasonable offer. He said he didn't care anything about the money (there is a sizable 401K) and that he just wants the ability to write letters to the girls from jail.
I agreed to letters only. I can monitor those and if he's inappropriate I have proof, he only screws himself in the end. Part of my offer is that after his release from prison a guardian ad litem will be appointed and he'll only have monitored visitation.
He objects to this. Even though he said he doesn't care about the money...he objects to me asking for 85% of the 401K in lieu of child support. It's not like he has any expenses. While in jail his parents paid off his car, his credit cards, his medical bills, paid for his legal defense team AND his super high powered divorce lawyers. He has NO bills now, zip.... the girls and I are drowning in debt.
He went to jail for trying to shoot me and I got saddled with all our bills. One more gift from Mr. Wonderful. Asshole. He doesn't care about the kids, he cares about punishing me.
He is under some kind of crazy notion that any court in the country will not only give him unmonitored visitation, but he'll get partial custody. A man who plead guilty to a 3rd degree violent domestic violence felony charge? I don't think so...
So when his mother gets involved and calls me to tell me that I'm selfish, greedy, and that I lied to her about this that and the other. Well I got pissed. She told me that the X won't sign as it's written now and we'll be going to court. I can't afford to go to court. I've been told it will be at least 10K, he doesn't care. His mommy will pay his lawyers (who get 2.5x what my lawyer does so it'll cost them 25K)
Selfish fucking bastard. Crazy, selfish people. So this is how we're going to play it. I told my in-laws that as long as they are paying the lawyers, who's only job it is to take the financial resources away from my kids that we need to survive they won't be seeing the kids. They made their choice. They chose their crazy as hell, selfish son over their own grand kids.
God dammit all to hell I'm mad enough to spit. I've already been told by my lawyer that if this goes to court I'll walk away with just about everything. The courts will give me most, if not all, of the 401K, most likely his income taxes too. Plus I'll be suing for my legal fees and all back child support he's not paying while he is in jail. He'll have monitored visitation for sure, that's a given considering the crime he went to prison for.
It's ridiculous that it's come to this. Costing all of us time and money we don't have, and in the end my kids suffer the most. They lost their daddy. We are so broke I'm trying to decide between getting evicted or letting my car get repoed. If I loose my car I can't get to work. If I loose my house we have no place to live, but inside that car. Either way it sucks ass to be us, and now I have to manage to find 10K to pay to go to court to fight for what my kids should be given out of concern for their welfare by their dead beat maniac of a father.
I'm goin' to court...I'm kickin' ass, and there will be hell to pay when I'm done.
She called on Friday. We sent a totally reasonable offer. He said he didn't care anything about the money (there is a sizable 401K) and that he just wants the ability to write letters to the girls from jail.
I agreed to letters only. I can monitor those and if he's inappropriate I have proof, he only screws himself in the end. Part of my offer is that after his release from prison a guardian ad litem will be appointed and he'll only have monitored visitation.
He objects to this. Even though he said he doesn't care about the money...he objects to me asking for 85% of the 401K in lieu of child support. It's not like he has any expenses. While in jail his parents paid off his car, his credit cards, his medical bills, paid for his legal defense team AND his super high powered divorce lawyers. He has NO bills now, zip.... the girls and I are drowning in debt.
He went to jail for trying to shoot me and I got saddled with all our bills. One more gift from Mr. Wonderful. Asshole. He doesn't care about the kids, he cares about punishing me.
He is under some kind of crazy notion that any court in the country will not only give him unmonitored visitation, but he'll get partial custody. A man who plead guilty to a 3rd degree violent domestic violence felony charge? I don't think so...
So when his mother gets involved and calls me to tell me that I'm selfish, greedy, and that I lied to her about this that and the other. Well I got pissed. She told me that the X won't sign as it's written now and we'll be going to court. I can't afford to go to court. I've been told it will be at least 10K, he doesn't care. His mommy will pay his lawyers (who get 2.5x what my lawyer does so it'll cost them 25K)
Selfish fucking bastard. Crazy, selfish people. So this is how we're going to play it. I told my in-laws that as long as they are paying the lawyers, who's only job it is to take the financial resources away from my kids that we need to survive they won't be seeing the kids. They made their choice. They chose their crazy as hell, selfish son over their own grand kids.
God dammit all to hell I'm mad enough to spit. I've already been told by my lawyer that if this goes to court I'll walk away with just about everything. The courts will give me most, if not all, of the 401K, most likely his income taxes too. Plus I'll be suing for my legal fees and all back child support he's not paying while he is in jail. He'll have monitored visitation for sure, that's a given considering the crime he went to prison for.
It's ridiculous that it's come to this. Costing all of us time and money we don't have, and in the end my kids suffer the most. They lost their daddy. We are so broke I'm trying to decide between getting evicted or letting my car get repoed. If I loose my car I can't get to work. If I loose my house we have no place to live, but inside that car. Either way it sucks ass to be us, and now I have to manage to find 10K to pay to go to court to fight for what my kids should be given out of concern for their welfare by their dead beat maniac of a father.
I'm goin' to court...I'm kickin' ass, and there will be hell to pay when I'm done.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
And the crazy keeps on coming...
My neighbor is insane. A crazy boy child in a hairy man's body. Whenever he feels we are being too loud he resorts to pounding on the walls and stomping loudly up and down the hallway. Nuts-0 huh?
He also likes to wash and dry what sounds like landscape pavers after 11 pm at night. The same man that will curse at me and my children for watching TV at 9:3o pm on a Saturday night sees nothing wrong with doing laundry in the wee hours of the morning or singing to the Eagles at the top of his lungs. Now I have nothing against the Eagles... but really... at midnight?
We share a wall, I live in a duplex, there is going to be some cross over noise, I get that. I've never called the landlord and complained when Hillbilly Deluxe and his lady friend with tres' chic mullet start screaming at each other, or when they wash their little midnight load of rocks and gym socks, or when they park in my spot in front of my house. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let his rock-a-billy girlfiend (and I use the term "girl" lightly here...she's about fiftey years old) call my kids, "little f-ing brats" and scream at me.
We had another run in recently. I was taking my holiday decorations to the garage last night, and she's there, doing god knows what and she says, "what are you doing NOW?" in this pissy tone. I just smiled and told her I was looking for the kids drum and trumpets"
Maybe that'll give her something to worry about for a day or two.
He also likes to wash and dry what sounds like landscape pavers after 11 pm at night. The same man that will curse at me and my children for watching TV at 9:3o pm on a Saturday night sees nothing wrong with doing laundry in the wee hours of the morning or singing to the Eagles at the top of his lungs. Now I have nothing against the Eagles... but really... at midnight?
We share a wall, I live in a duplex, there is going to be some cross over noise, I get that. I've never called the landlord and complained when Hillbilly Deluxe and his lady friend with tres' chic mullet start screaming at each other, or when they wash their little midnight load of rocks and gym socks, or when they park in my spot in front of my house. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let his rock-a-billy girlfiend (and I use the term "girl" lightly here...she's about fiftey years old) call my kids, "little f-ing brats" and scream at me.
We had another run in recently. I was taking my holiday decorations to the garage last night, and she's there, doing god knows what and she says, "what are you doing NOW?" in this pissy tone. I just smiled and told her I was looking for the kids drum and trumpets"
Maybe that'll give her something to worry about for a day or two.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)