It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Oh those wacky kids...

Having four kids in the house makes for a fun, but wildly busy and rowdy household.  About ten days ago my poor Monkey Pants had to be knocked out and have a bunch of dental work done.  One of the things they had to do was pull out both of the bottom front baby teeth.  The adult teeth had grown in behind them, a la shark style, and those little baby teeth were not coming out on their own...  so now Money Pants has a lisp.  LOL, it's the cutest thing ever.  "Momma, I love you thith muth"  Who wouldn't melt when they heard that?

A couple days ago Ethel's littlest one says to me, "Auntie, I love you."  and I tell her I love her more.  She replies, "I love you one hundred and fourteen pounds" and I say "Well that's exactly how much I weigh!" I think I actually heard Ethel snort from the kitchen while she tried to hold in the gaffaw...   shoosh you evil woman!

Last weekend my two nieces, ages four and five, spent the night.  This made six little ones in my house ranging in age from four to fourteen.  One of the wee ones found an old bell in the toy box.  At seven AM on Sunday it sounded like the Salvation Army had invaded.  OIY was that obnoxious!  Good thing they're adorably cute or I would have beaten someone with that darn bell!

My two youngest came to work with me last Friday since there was no school.  This is one of the benefits of working for your parent's company...  they let me bring the kids to crash on the couch if they're sick, or if there isn't any school for the day.  During lunch they were in the kitchen eating soup I made while leaning over the garbage can.  My mother asks them why they are leaning over the trash instead of sitting down at the table.  TNT replies, "Cause we're Hobos and we found this soup in the garbage.  Next we're gonna find CANDY!"  oooohhh kaaaay....  that kid is a weird one.  And what nine year old wants to make believe play at being a "hobo" anyway? Maybe we watched a little too much of the Occupy Wall Street news on the TV!

My youngest has a birthday on Thanksgiving day this year.  She's decided we need ice cream cake.  I better get on that! That poor kid needs a real party with some friends, and party games.  Having her birthday on Thanksgiving makes it really hard because nobody can ever come.  Maybe I should take her ice skating with a few friends the following week - that would be fun! Either way I have to come up with some way to celebrate her birthday with all the family there for Thanksgiving as well.  Maybe I'll decorate up a little "birthday girl" table with streamers and some birthday balloons in the corner. Then I'll put her wrapped presents there and when everyone arrives we'll sing a little happy birthday and let her blow out the candle on her own personal ice cream cake.  I'll make up some goodie bags for the kids and they can go off and play while we finish preparing dinner.   I'm liking this plan....  oh ETHEL...  HELP!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Are you proud of yourself?

When vising with the GAL last week I was presented with this question.  Stated very straight forwardly...

"Are you proud of yourself?"

For a moment there I just looked at Dr. Britt with what I can only assume was a bewildered look on my face.  You see we were about 2/3 of the way through our two hour meeting and I had confessed through her probing questions about the terrible mistake I made getting and staying married to an emotionally abusive man.  I had also been very honest about the affair I had two weeks before the X and I decided to get divorced.  I had told her that after my X brought that gun to my house my children and I were essentially homeless, living off the generosity of my parents and Ethel's family. 

My answer was, "No - I'm not proud of myself.  Mostly I feel foolish, and weak. I know I didn't handle things the best way possible at the end of my marriage and my children and I all suffered horribly."

Dr. Britt cut me off there and said, "No, I mean... you SHOULD be proud of yourself.  You survived  something really terrible and traumatic, and you've come out at the end of all this doing really well for yourself.  Your kids are, from everything I can gather, healthy and happy and well adjusted.  You didn't let this define you or stop you. You went on with life and built something really good for yourself and your kids.  So I ask you again.... Are you proud of yourself?"

And you know what...  I AM!  I AM PROUD OF MYSELF, MY FAMILY, MY KIDS, AND MY LIFE! know it feels pretty damn amazing to say that out loud.  I don't think I've ever done that before.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Long Time No Post, GAL Meeting, and Catch Up

I think I was hiding for a little while there.  I've been a bit more stressed out than normal and I kind of crawled into a little hole and hid for a week or two.  Buuuuuut.... I'm back and feeling all chipper  not entirely insane so I figured I would blog a little and work out some of the random crap floating around in my semi full noggin.

I do have to confess that I injured poor Ethel.  Last Monday I slammed the car door on her hand and busted open her finger.  It bleed EVERYWHERE.  I have no idea why she puts up with me, I swear.  Poor girl! Go ahead, I deserve a small amount of verbal flogging for being a klutz!

Also last week I  met with our GAL - I shall call her Dr. Britt.  Not because she's British mind you, but because it sort of relates to her name and she is a Dr of the PhD variety...and I just kinda dig it.  So Dr. Britt and I get together via phone the final week in October.  I had sent in 1/2 of the required payment to her and hadn't heard anything, so I called and introduced myself.  We had a short, but pleasant conversation and she forwarded some paperwork onto me by email.  I filled in out within 24 hours and emailed it back to her.  I followed up a few days later with an email letting her know when to expect the final half of the payment.  Shortly there after my X's evil lawyer calls and accuses me of standing in the way of the reunification process and actually said, "My client has behaved PERFECTLY and your client is obstructing his attempts at establishing visitation by refusing to work with the GAL.  She better get into compliance immediately or... insert random scary legal threats here"  So my lawyer contacted Dr. Britt and asked if I had been in contact and where we were in the process.  Dr. Britt replied via email that at that time I was the only one she had heard from, I was the only one who had completed my parenting worksheet, and I was the only one who had paid.  SO SUCK THAT YOU "PERFECTLY BEHAVED" JACK WAGON!  grrrr... sorry for the anger there, but jeez I hate being accused of standing in the way or being somehow responsible for his failures.  I don't need to stand in his way - he does a good enough job of screwing up on all his crazy own!

Well last week it was time for our face-to-face meeting.  It was nice to hear before hand that Dr. Britt realized this wasn't about me at all, and that interviewing me and meeting with the kids was just a formality - and that her primary job is to establish what my X's mental condition is currently and what kind of therapy, DV treatment, and possible parenting classes he will have to submit to prior to establishing some kind of reunification plan and monitored visitation set up.   So we met for two hours and discussed my history with my ex, our current living situation and  how the kids are doing.  We talked a bit about my plans for the future, and what I would need to see from the X in order to feel safe.  It was a really good meeting.  It felt amazing to hear her say that she thinks I'm a good mom, and that I'm doing a good job. 

Lots of stuff going on this week as well.  I'm heading to court on Thursday to try and get the kid's Restraining Order renewed against the X.  He is, of course, fighting it - so there have been legal shenanigans a plenty from his camp.  That's a whole post all on it's own.  The amount of absolute bull crap being flung over the fence from Capt. Crazy and his team of Legal Hooligans is freaking amazing.  Blatant, and bold lies even when we've presented the court with proof otherwise - and he clings to those crazy stories for all he's worth.  It's just laughable to some extent - but scary too.  I think he actually believes his own lies.  He's convinced himself really and truly that he's some kind of victim of the system and an evil ex wife who masterfully has manipulated police, judges, lawyers, therapists, and the family court system to screw him over.   None of this guarantees that I'll get my motion passed and get a 3rd restraining order though - so I'm trying not to focus on the "what if" scenarios too much or I'll devolve into a blubbering pile of anxiety and stress. 

This week is also my birthday.  I'm somewhere past 35 now and not yet 40.  It's pretty hideous actually, and I plan on ignoring the day as much as possible.  Although my wonderful parents did bless me with the gift of a shiny new 12 quart, restaurant quality stock pot.  I'm stoked to make some home made chili or maybe chicken and dumplings for everyone soon!

Also this week are four parent/teacher conferences, and lots of kid "stuff" going on. I think I need a vacation people!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Today I am thankful for my family who always makes me laugh.

As they are my family, I realize that tomorrow I may not feel this way! So for today I'll live in this moment . :)