It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Gettin' Sweaty

I really need to focus more on my health and exercise habits.  I've gone back to Weight Watchers and I'm counting my points. I'm only drinking one soda a day... that darn Diet Coke is my one big vice.  I don't smoke, I rarely drink alcohol, I don't hook up with random men for anonymous sex... lol...   I pretty much have Diet Coke.  I do realize however that it's terrible for me and my budget so I'm trying to cut down.

On Tuesday I jogged just under 2 miles on the treadmill in 22 minutes, at lunch.   On Wednesday I walked 2.29 miles in about 30 minutes before heading home to make dinner.

So far, so good.

I might even get brave next week and replace the battery in my old bathroom scale.  I'm kind of afraid to find out how fat I've gotten.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Happy Birthday Chef!

Chef turns 14 today!  I don't allow my kids to read my blog, so Chef doesn't realize I'm on here sending Happy Birthday Wishes out to the blogisphere... but I am anyway.

Chef changed my world.  Becoming a mother for the first time was the singularly most amazing and scary experience of my life.  I love the person that she's become.  She has taught me patience and softness in ways only a child can.  She was the first person in my life who really needed me and who was totally dependant on me.

Happy Birthday baby...  I'm a better person  since I became your Mom.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Capt. Coo-Ka-Loo strikes again!

Today BLT said, "Well it appears that X is going to behave himself.  Maybe the worst is behind us." Why oh why didn't we knock on wood, toss salt over a shoulder... something to negate the joo joo we just unleashed?

 It wasn't more than an hour later that I got a call from my daycare provider.  It appears that X was upset by the bill he received for his half of the child care.

Somehow in the La La Land that X operates in he's decided that he should only pay 285.00 per month for two kids.  No idea where he pulled that number out of, but he decided that's his fair share and everyone else should just go along with it. His half of the bill for October is 315.00... yes folks, he's harassing someone over 30.00, what the hell is wrong with him? 

So instead of being rational and mature he starts to fixate...  then he starts to call.  Between the hours of 8 and 11:40 he called 7 times.  Who does that? He creeped out the poor girls at the center, and I feel terrible that my provider is feeling harassed. 

He didn't get the answer he wanted from the first two people he spoke with so he proceeded to call five more times and just hang up when the owner wasn't the one who answered.  They did the *69 thing, so they know it was him. Once the owner was available to call him back he makes vague references to having his lawyer deal with the "Icky Sticky Legal Issues" as he called them.  What is there to deal with? You owe half - no matter how much it is. Suck it up, and send the poor woman her payment.

The other issue at hand is the fact that on two occasions the provider has informed him that she does not want to deal with him directly. She told him once, and sent him a letter informing him that she chooses to only deal with him via email.   So he really does need to leave this poor woman alone.

For the love of baby Jesus... he can't even exhibit a little bit of self control when he knows that the GAL and therapists have his behavior under scrutiny.  Why can't he just behave himself?

Oh ya... because he's a freakin' whack job! Part man child, part deranged felon...  that's right....

Saturday, September 24, 2011



One good man for my dear friend Ethel.

The appropriate applicant will be moderately handsome in a rugged way.  No pretty boys need apply.  (Why moderately handsome? Because you can't be so hound dog homely her girly bits dry up at the sight of you, and not so drop dead gorgeous that you think your God's gift to vaginas everywhere)

He will also be honest, funny but not at the expense of others and not in any way that could be showcased on the TV show "Jack Ass".   This applicant will be gainfully employed, not living with his parents unless they are elderly and/or handicapped; because the former is creepy but the latter is sweet... understand the difference? Good!  He will know how to balance a check book, cook an edible meal, and understands the reason for separating the colors from the whites when doing laundry.

Mr. Perfect must have an appreciation for a lush female form. He must worship her petite "plush-ness" and love her just the way she is - and yet enjoy various recreational activities which will encourage her to maintain her path towards optimal health and happiness.

If you are between the ages of 32 - 45 and meet the above qualifications please apply in person with Lucy.  Gifts of chocolate and James Rollin's novels great appreciated, and flattery will get you everywhere.  Please provide proof of employment and a clean STD panel from your doctor.

No cross dressers, liars, nail biters, drug addicts, or anyone who knows all the words to any Counting Crows song need apply.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Lucy Left Alone...2.0

It seems as though it's my lot in life to have partners who travel.  Now BLT being away feels totally different than when my X traveled for work - but still, I feel a tad jealous to be honest.

On the outside I'm supportive.  I listen to the stories about the restaurants enjoyed, or the schmoozing and the night life activities that come along with business conventions, but deep down I want to shout, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FIVE COURSE GOURMET MEAL.... I MADE GRILLED CHEESE AND SOUP - AGAIN!  YOU WENT TO A CONCERT AND A BALL GAME. I SPENT FRIDAY NIGHT PICKING GUM OUT OF A 6 YEAR OLD'S HAIR!"

Does that make me a bad person?  I hope not, I know it sounds petty so I bite my tongue, smile, nod, and listen.

When I was married my X traveled Monday - Friday, came home long enough to do his laundry, complain about things I hadn't managed to get done while I was raising the children essentially alone, nag at me about our non-existent sex life, ignore us for awhile and play World of Warcraft, and then repack his clean skivvies and take off for another round of meetings and expensive hotels.  I can't remember a single time he ever called to check in on us.  He just assumed I had everything under control - and for the most part I did.  It burned me though to hear him describe how exhausting his job was, and how horrible it was to be away from home so much.  What a freaking phony!

I know it's not all glamorous.  I know that it's exhausting sometimes having to be on your A-Game when you're not sleeping well, or you're traveling while not feeling great.  And I know, at least for BLT he does genuinely miss the kids and I when he's away.  But even knowing all that I would love, just once to trade places.  I would love to only be responsible for dressing myself for a week.  I would like to be the one in the hotel room with clean sheets, a never ending supply of hot water for the shower, and a newspaper at the door each morning.  I would like to be the one ordering meals in restaurants instead of cooking.  I would like to be the one who has an excuse to dress in something nicer than my ratty jeans and bleached out David Bowie concert tee.  I want someone else to stay home alone with the kids - to go to work all day long, come home at night and make dinner, help with homework, referee arguments, play taxi driver, get everything ready for the next day and then be there to listen to my funny stories about the people I met or the places I ate at.

BLT will be home from another trip in about four hours... and of course I'm looking forward to his return.  I miss him very much when he's away - something totally new for me.  When my X traveled it was more of a relief.  Our marriage was in the toilet and when he was around it was even more stressful.  So I'll do my hair, put on a clean shirt, dig the graphite and grime out from under my nails and get my game face on...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I ordered invitations!

I'm just doing a little happy dance here.  I was able to go to and order my wedding invitations, save-the-date cards, and RSVP cards.  I designed them myself, and I'll get them printed and shipped to me including the envelopes all for less than a hundred bucks! With my squeaky tight wedding budget it's a huge weight off my shoulders to have these come under budget. (It's the only thing so far that hasn't cost me more than I planned for, lol!)

They aren't fancy, or multi-layered, or printed on ritzy paper... but none of the people I love enough to invite to my wedding will care.  It's a small ceremony, and the Historic Inn we're getting married at only holds 50 people.  We are only inviting our nearest and dearest loved ones to celebrate our special day with us.

I'm pretty excited to get my hands on them and see them in person!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Smithsonian Magazine Free Museum Day

Ohh... hurry, hurry... click on this link right now and get your FREE tickets for 2 for your local Smithsonian Magazine museum.  Put in your zip code or state and it will give you a list of participating Museums in your area.  Both my local Art Museum and the Museum of Glass I've been dying to visit are accepting these tickets!

Saturday, September 24th you can get into one of your local museums for free, art, science and children museums included!

BLT is out of town and doesn't know that we have a date on Saturday! 

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

An old man smell...

As we are leaving the in laws house on Sunday Lady Bug and I both step in dog pooh... lovely...

Of course I'm several blocks down the road before we are all gagging and checking our shoes.  We find the culprits and get the shoes scrapped off in the grass, but the smell lingered and was HORRID.

My oldest says, "Mom, your car smells like crap"  over and over - making really dramatic gagging noises and faces.  Unable to take any more I pull over at a little pharmacy run in.  I grab the first air freshener I lay my hands on.

It was a black and yellow hibiscus flower and it was called, "Midnight Oasis" or something like that.  In case you were wondering - Midnight Oasis smells like funky old man's cologne.

It only took two or three minutes before the oldest pipes up from the backseat again; "Great... now your car smells like an old guy crapped his pants."

This time the gagging and faces were being made by myself.  *Sigh...*

Thanks kid....

Monday, September 12, 2011

Cause I'm cool like that

Groupon had a deal for beer tasting.  BLT and I really don't indulge in too many date nights or extras in regards to entertainment - not with five kids to support!  So I knew that this would be right up his alley.

I decided to go for it since it's only 15.00.

For our next date night we'll be going to a local brewery where we will each get to sample five different beers, share an order of pomme fritte or nachos, take home two "collector" pilsner glasses and a 22 oz custom brewed bottle of their ale.

Now I'll be honest, I don't like too many types of beer.  I really enjoy a nice light beer with a citrus kick to it - like Blue Moon.  Otherwise I'm not a huge fan.  BLT on the other hand digs himself a good beer... dark, amber, pale, import...  he appreciates them all. So I knew he would really love this.  I figure he can drink the samples I don't like and and I'll drive home!  Win-Win!

Cause that's the cool kinda Fiance' that I am!  Date night baby... bring it on!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Now that's just F-U-N-N-Y

My mother placed an online order with Walmart for Equate Stop Smoking Lozenges.

What showed up was Extenze Male Enhancement pills.

My dad opened the package for her and gave her the "stink eye" as he asked what the hell she ordered THAT for?! 

My mom and I had to pick ourselves up off the floor we were laughing so hard. 

My poor dad... no sympathy at all from us...  Hehe.

My mom sends an email to Walmart Customer Service that says:

In regards to the order I recently placed:  I ordered Equate Stop Smoking Lozenges.  What I received today was Extenze Male Enhancement Pills.  While I'm sure this will help certain cravings - these pills will not, in fact, curb what ails me.  As a 55 year old woman I don't believe I have a need for this item.  Can you please help me return this erroneous shipment?

HAHAHAHAHA...  again, I laughed hard enough to nearly pee.   Oh lordy sometimes life is just FUNNY!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Do you see what I see?

I think it's funny that BLT doesn't realize how yummy he is.  I tell him all the time and he always says, "thank God you think so baby" with a little chuckle.

I mean really?  He doesn't know?  Or maybe he's just being modest?  Everything about him turns me on. From the way he looks to the timber of his voice.  Our conversation, his sense of humor, oh, and that tasty tat on his bicept *swoon*. 

I just dig him...

Friday, September 9, 2011

FALLing in Love!

Oh it's my favorite time of the year!  I love everything about Autumn. 

My birthday is this season, as are three of my four kids!

I love cold misty mornings, and clear afternoons.  I love the colors - my favorite color is red, followed closely by yellow and chocolate brown so Ohh Laa Laa I adore Autumn themed decor.  I have a vast collection of warm fuzzy sweaters I can't wait to dig out.

I love... love... and I repeat love snuggling on the couch on a rainy weekend day with my kids reading books and drinking hot apple cider.  I have a vast number of fuzzy, warm, comfy, and hand made blankets - so there are plenty to go around!

I love the schedule that being back in school provides.  I like hearing how excited they are at the end of the school day to sit around the dinner table and play the "1 thing that I learned today" game. 

My all time favorite holiday is Halloween!  Yes, I am the adult who wears a costume, and I decorate my whole house up! I love everything about handing out treats and taking pictures of the kids in costume. I love the spooky movies on t.v. - but more the cute, cheesy, or just slightly spooky ones. I hate slasher films... yuck!

I love planting mums by my front door, and taking walks in the rain around my little town.

I wait all year long for the Fair to come to town.  We have one of the countries top ten largest (I think we're number 3) state fairs.  It's all about the food, the rides, the shows, the people watching.  The crafts and the animal exhibits.  I like the games you can never win, and the face painting.  I love the vendors and the live music!  I like to go twice - once with the kids to focus on the rides and all the fun stuff they like to do, and then once - as a date night to soak in the unique food, the vendors, and see the fairgrounds bathed in the neon glow of twinkling lights. 

Then there is the baking and Thanksgiving...  two more fantastic reasons to love Autumn.  Really I can't think of a single bad thing.  Sure there is rain - but I live in the Pacific Northwest.... there's always rain!  Sure it gets dark outside sooner, that's just one more reason to stay inside with the kids and play card games!  Sure it's starting to get cold outside,  but that just means more cute sweaters and boots!

So what's your favorite season?  Or your favorite part of Autumn?  Anyone else out there just dying to rake leaves, or am I the only crazy one?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Definition of Crazy

I read a quote somewhere about how the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

If that's true then my X is CRRRRAAAAZZZZY.  Oh yes, most certainly bonkers, nuts, whacked, psycho, fruity.... pick your favorite term.

He can't seem to figure out that not doing what the judge requires of you doesn't impress anyone.  He can't seem to get it through his thick skull that the only person he's screwing over is himself.  He spends all his time trying to find new ways to avoid having a mental evaluation by the GAL, and to cost me more money at the same time, and he's spent zero time doing the things required of him to see the kids.

So what's the real priority here?  I think it's plain to see that it's not reconnecting with your children.  It's all about punishing me in whatever way you can, and in general avoiding all responsibility while continuing to play the victim.

Good lord.... it's been over twice as long as the judge allowed for the GAL to be appointed and he's still causing delays and refusing to abide by her ruling in regards to his mental evaluations.  And he still seems to think that all these delays will some how ensure he looks better in the eyes of the court?  Huh?

Today my lawyer sent another firmly worded letter, sort of a "pooh or get off the pot" offer to sign the papers as we all originally agreed to back in June, or we will see you back in court on September 22nd.

I have zero faith that he'll see the light and do what he's supposed to.... but I can pray for a miracle right?!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Back on the wagon

I jumped off the healthy eating band wagon with abandon this summer.  I over indulged, I declined to exercise... and the ol' pantaloons are T-I-G-H-T  (and not in that oh sexy baby way either....)

So it's back to counting my points and getting regular exercise.  The weather is beautiful and I have no excuse not to - especially with the wedding coming up this spring.

Yesterday I did really well.  I stayed below my calorie count and I got in an 80 minute, moderate paced walk while chatting with Ethel on the phone.

So far today... well I cheated and ate two oatmeal cookies.  BUT... I only had coffee for breakfast and I ate a moderate lunch so all is not lost.  Tonight I'll get out there for another nice long walk after dinner.  Oh speaking of dinner - we're having big green salads with spinach and egg, and yummy Greek yogurt dressing that's fairly low fat.  So I'll chalk this day up to "pretty good" and move on!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Fraggle Time

BLT went back home to visit his parents and spend time with Fraggle.  While he was there he had a long talk with the grandparents about Fraggle coming to stay with us for an extended visit.  He also made it clear that this was the first step towards her coming to live with us for good.

They were cooperative.  They were receptive.  They were actually really supportive!  YAY!!  We now have a plan.  Forward momentum feels SO good! They love Fraggle to death, but they are in their 60's raising a 3 year old.  It's exhausting!

BLT is starting school this month.  He's going to be taking some networking and computer classes at night so that he can more easily play "I.T." nerd here at work and maintain our network and website for us.  We won't be able to get down there for a visit for several months between school and trade shows.

In December BLT, all four of my girls and I will be going down to spend the week of Christmas with BLT's family.  When we come back we will bring Fraggle with us for the entire month of January!  We are all really excited!

In April Fraggle with have another extended visit with us after the wedding, and we will then decide the best way to transition her here with us full time at that point. 

I'm so happy that we're going to all be a family together.  Fraggle goes from being an only child to having four siblings.  She goes from living in a fairly quiet, adult only home with her grandparents to a busy household of kids and dogs too!  It's going to be a transition for everyone.... we know that.  Five kids is a lot of work.  But it's also a lot of love, a lot of support, and a lot of opportunity for growth for all of us.

Whew...  I heard a quote once; "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."  That seems to apply here pretty damn well!