Reciprocity
— n , pl -ities
1. reciprocal action or relation
2. a mutual exchange of commercial or other privileges
[C18: via French from Latin reciprocus reciprocal ]
I've been thinking a bit about this fancy little word for the past few days. See, it all started because a friend of over 20 years recently informed me that she would not be able to attend my Bridal Shower because... get this...
It's a doozy...
SHE HAS TO COOK, AND CLEAN HER HOUSE, SO HER LIVE IN WASTREL OF A BOYFRIEND CAN HOST WRESTLE-MANIA THAT NIGHT.
Yes folks I am getting ditched at my Bridal Shower so her useless, a-hole of a boyfriend doesn't have to clean up his own home, or feed his own friends. Not to mention that he can't possibly manage to watch their two children while he and the Bro's are watching grown men in UnderRoos oil up and swing each other around by the crotch.
I'm sure you can tell by my pleasant tone and turn of phrase that I'm upset. I'm downright pissed to be exact. I feel really let down, and I'm just shocked that she's not going to be there for me. BLT and Ethel both knew right away what it was. It's not just disappointment at one of my oldest friends bailing out of my shower it's the fact that if the roles were revered I would move heaven and Earth to be there for her shower. I would call in favors for baby sitting if I had to. I would pay a house cleaner if it was really necessary (but really ... do you think any of those guys is giving her china cabinet the white glove once over? I highly doubt it.) And I would tell the ol' boys to order some pizza, and BYOB if they want drinks. I would NEVER blow her off for something so trivial.
And that's what hurts. It's not a priority to her. You hope that if you are a good friend, when it counts your friends will be there for you as well. In this instance there is no reciprocity and she doesn't even get that I'm insulted. Keeping that lazy, good for nothing jack-wagon from bitching at her is a higher priority than celebrating with me, my daughters, and all our nearest and dearest friends.
Honestly I'm not sure how I get over this one. Maybe it sounds silly to the rest of you? I admit that BLT doesn't think it's as big of a deal as I do - but I feel so totally insulted. I told Ethel that the next time this person invites me over to do anything I'll have to tell her that I can't attend because there is a Hillbilly Hand Fishin' marathon on TLC I just can't miss....
Frustrated,
Lucy
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Are you there blog... It's me Lucy....
Long time no see huh?
I needed a hiatus. I needed to get through the Holidays and the madness that post holiday fatigue bring to my life. I needed to focus on all the GAL bullshit that's infiltrated every corner of our lives.
The past month has brought a bit of frustration, a few tears, lots of joy, lots of fun, and LOT checked off my "to do" list. I started the PINK method diet... go ahead and google it, I'm too lazy to link this morning. I was told the first two weeks I was grumpy. I don't recall being grumpy, but it's certainly not impossible - I was going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
There is wedding prep galore going on around the BLT & Lucy abode. We are making tissue pomanders, getting dresses fitted, and trying to find a suit for BLT. Mostly though we are just worrying how we'll pay for it all. I calculated that over 45 thousand dollars, my entire life savings and a chunk borrowed from my parents, has been spent in 2 1/2 years trying to get divorced from my gun toting X and to ensure the kids safety. GAL fees are currently what is sucking me dry - and there's no end in sight. I have to fight to prove to the court why I shouldn't be financially responsible for HIS monitored visitation and court ordered therapy... REALLY?? No child support for two years while he's in jail for trying to shoot me and I'm responsible for his therapy? How the (insert filthy expletive here) is that even fair? Anyway... I digress... that's a whole different post I'm sure. For now, lets continue to catch up shall we?
Taxes are done - that's another big weight off my mind. I'll be able to give it all to my parents to start paying back the above mentioned loan. It's a drop in the bucket - but every bit counts, and my pride won't let me keep money - even to pay for the wedding - if I owe them. It's just not right to buy stuff for myself if I still owe them, know what I mean? I couldn't live with myself.
So I apologize for my long absence. I haven't read my favorite blogs even to keep up with everyone. I've just sort of tuned out and focused all my attention on the kids, the bills, and BLT. But I'm ready to rejoin the land of living...
Say Hi and let me know if anyone is still out there! :)
I needed a hiatus. I needed to get through the Holidays and the madness that post holiday fatigue bring to my life. I needed to focus on all the GAL bullshit that's infiltrated every corner of our lives.
The past month has brought a bit of frustration, a few tears, lots of joy, lots of fun, and LOT checked off my "to do" list. I started the PINK method diet... go ahead and google it, I'm too lazy to link this morning. I was told the first two weeks I was grumpy. I don't recall being grumpy, but it's certainly not impossible - I was going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
There is wedding prep galore going on around the BLT & Lucy abode. We are making tissue pomanders, getting dresses fitted, and trying to find a suit for BLT. Mostly though we are just worrying how we'll pay for it all. I calculated that over 45 thousand dollars, my entire life savings and a chunk borrowed from my parents, has been spent in 2 1/2 years trying to get divorced from my gun toting X and to ensure the kids safety. GAL fees are currently what is sucking me dry - and there's no end in sight. I have to fight to prove to the court why I shouldn't be financially responsible for HIS monitored visitation and court ordered therapy... REALLY?? No child support for two years while he's in jail for trying to shoot me and I'm responsible for his therapy? How the (insert filthy expletive here) is that even fair? Anyway... I digress... that's a whole different post I'm sure. For now, lets continue to catch up shall we?
Taxes are done - that's another big weight off my mind. I'll be able to give it all to my parents to start paying back the above mentioned loan. It's a drop in the bucket - but every bit counts, and my pride won't let me keep money - even to pay for the wedding - if I owe them. It's just not right to buy stuff for myself if I still owe them, know what I mean? I couldn't live with myself.
So I apologize for my long absence. I haven't read my favorite blogs even to keep up with everyone. I've just sort of tuned out and focused all my attention on the kids, the bills, and BLT. But I'm ready to rejoin the land of living...
Say Hi and let me know if anyone is still out there! :)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I ordered invitations!
I'm just doing a little happy dance here. I was able to go to Mixbook.com and order my wedding invitations, save-the-date cards, and RSVP cards. I designed them myself, and I'll get them printed and shipped to me including the envelopes all for less than a hundred bucks! With my squeaky tight wedding budget it's a huge weight off my shoulders to have these come under budget. (It's the only thing so far that hasn't cost me more than I planned for, lol!)
They aren't fancy, or multi-layered, or printed on ritzy paper... but none of the people I love enough to invite to my wedding will care. It's a small ceremony, and the Historic Inn we're getting married at only holds 50 people. We are only inviting our nearest and dearest loved ones to celebrate our special day with us.
I'm pretty excited to get my hands on them and see them in person!
They aren't fancy, or multi-layered, or printed on ritzy paper... but none of the people I love enough to invite to my wedding will care. It's a small ceremony, and the Historic Inn we're getting married at only holds 50 people. We are only inviting our nearest and dearest loved ones to celebrate our special day with us.
I'm pretty excited to get my hands on them and see them in person!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Good News / Bad New... Court Edition!
Let's start with the good news. I'm doing a victory dance here - a Jig of Joy, maybe even a little Hula of Happiness! I went to court yesterday, and it really went about as well as could be expected! The judge saw right through all the lies, and excuses. She did not believe for one second that my X is a victim in any way.
She told my X that he doesn't get to disappear from the children's life for two years, and then just expect to walk back into it without any sort of gradual reintroduction. She agrees with my insistence that he needs a mental health evaluation by a clinical therapist with a PhD and experience in Domestic Violence treatment. She mandated that he have therapy, parenting classes, and a batterers treatment program BEFORE he even gets to the point where he can have monitored visitation. She expressed concern that he doesn't seem to understand that what he did was wrong, that he commited domestic violence, and that he has damaged my children. She seemed to understand that as of yesterday he still wasn't accepting any responsibility for his actions, and until he got some help he wasn't going to get access to my children.
The X asked for the following things:
* Residential visitation in his home - DENIED
* Visitation, In his mothers home. Monitored by his Mother - DENIED
* No post conviction requirements, such as therapy or parenting classes - DENIED
* The right to have our phone numbers, address, emails and other contact information - DENIED
* The right to claim the kids as deductions on his taxes (even though he has yet to pay a penny in child support for two years!) - DENIED
* Removal of the Order of Protection on the children - DENIED
*Shared decision making for the children - DENIED
What he did get is the following:
* The ability to start writing his children letters - sent to their therapist for her review, and potential editing before they read them.
* A reduction in child support. She reduced the payment by 14.00 per month. He's paying a pittance as it is - only 100.00 more per month than Ethel's brother pays for his single child, and we have four children! For a man so desperate to see his kids he's sure doing everything within his power to avoid supporting them.
* The judge is making me pay 1/2 of the fee for the Guardian ad Lidem and for 1/2 of his monitored visitation! Why the hell I have to pay half of the fee for HIS visitation and monitoring...when he's the dangerous one who screwed up and went to jail is beyond me!
So that's the long and the short of it. For the most part I got everything I wanted. The kids are safe, the re-introduction will be slow and gradual, and monitored in a professional facility by trained personnel. He will have to pass a Psych evaluation and take some much needed classes. And most importantly, a Guardian ad Lidem is appointed to help investigate and determine what is in the best interest of my kids.
It REALLY sucks that I have to come up with money to pay for half of the GAL and monitoring... especially when I didn't do anything wrong, but if it keeps the kids safe then I don't care if I have to do bikini car washes, scrub toilets, or scoop dog crap in the park to make the 3,000.00 bucks to pay for it. I'll figure it out.
BLT and I decided to scale way back on the wedding plans and use that money instead to help pay for the GAL. It means no fancy triple cheesecakes (we will likely do a simple home made cake), no full plated dinner (appetizers and cocktails instead) and sorry family, but no open bar! I'm going to wait until Easter time and hopefully get the 3 little girls discounted Easter Dresses instead of fancy flower girl dresses. I am considering taking back my wedding dress too... it's a silly expense, and I don't need to spend money on a dress. I'll make my invites, and we won't have a photographer. I'll ask our guests to bring their digital cameras and just email us all the photos they take.
We've also decided that a honeymoon isn't an option. Maybe later in the year we can get away for a day or two once the kids are out of school for the summer. I was thinking that we could keep an eye out for some kind of airline / hotel deal someplace close by for just a weekend, or even drive out of town and find a lovely little bed and breakfast to snuggle into for a few days. Either way... we're patient!
Speaking of money - when it rains it pours it seems. Yesterday when I woke up we found that someone smashed out the window in my car and stole a purse I didn't realize got left inside. Add to that, the dentist just called me. They apparently mis-quoted and billed me incorrectly and I owe them an additional 383.00 for some dental work I had done last week.
LOL...could anyone else possibly need money from me right now? Likely... but they'll just have to stand in line and wait their turn! I remember a saying I once heard someone say about money. "Spend it on what brings you joy, because you can't take it with you when you die!" Nothing gives me more joy and peace than knowing my kids are safe.
BLT and I will still get our happily ever after - it will just be on a smaller scale. This will leave us some money to put towards making sure we get the best GAL possible and make sure the kids are taken care of. I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I mean honestly... we've made it this far. The rest of this should be smooth sailing!
She told my X that he doesn't get to disappear from the children's life for two years, and then just expect to walk back into it without any sort of gradual reintroduction. She agrees with my insistence that he needs a mental health evaluation by a clinical therapist with a PhD and experience in Domestic Violence treatment. She mandated that he have therapy, parenting classes, and a batterers treatment program BEFORE he even gets to the point where he can have monitored visitation. She expressed concern that he doesn't seem to understand that what he did was wrong, that he commited domestic violence, and that he has damaged my children. She seemed to understand that as of yesterday he still wasn't accepting any responsibility for his actions, and until he got some help he wasn't going to get access to my children.
The X asked for the following things:
* Residential visitation in his home - DENIED
* Visitation, In his mothers home. Monitored by his Mother - DENIED
* No post conviction requirements, such as therapy or parenting classes - DENIED
* The right to have our phone numbers, address, emails and other contact information - DENIED
* The right to claim the kids as deductions on his taxes (even though he has yet to pay a penny in child support for two years!) - DENIED
* Removal of the Order of Protection on the children - DENIED
*Shared decision making for the children - DENIED
What he did get is the following:
* The ability to start writing his children letters - sent to their therapist for her review, and potential editing before they read them.
* A reduction in child support. She reduced the payment by 14.00 per month. He's paying a pittance as it is - only 100.00 more per month than Ethel's brother pays for his single child, and we have four children! For a man so desperate to see his kids he's sure doing everything within his power to avoid supporting them.
* The judge is making me pay 1/2 of the fee for the Guardian ad Lidem and for 1/2 of his monitored visitation! Why the hell I have to pay half of the fee for HIS visitation and monitoring...when he's the dangerous one who screwed up and went to jail is beyond me!
So that's the long and the short of it. For the most part I got everything I wanted. The kids are safe, the re-introduction will be slow and gradual, and monitored in a professional facility by trained personnel. He will have to pass a Psych evaluation and take some much needed classes. And most importantly, a Guardian ad Lidem is appointed to help investigate and determine what is in the best interest of my kids.
It REALLY sucks that I have to come up with money to pay for half of the GAL and monitoring... especially when I didn't do anything wrong, but if it keeps the kids safe then I don't care if I have to do bikini car washes, scrub toilets, or scoop dog crap in the park to make the 3,000.00 bucks to pay for it. I'll figure it out.
BLT and I decided to scale way back on the wedding plans and use that money instead to help pay for the GAL. It means no fancy triple cheesecakes (we will likely do a simple home made cake), no full plated dinner (appetizers and cocktails instead) and sorry family, but no open bar! I'm going to wait until Easter time and hopefully get the 3 little girls discounted Easter Dresses instead of fancy flower girl dresses. I am considering taking back my wedding dress too... it's a silly expense, and I don't need to spend money on a dress. I'll make my invites, and we won't have a photographer. I'll ask our guests to bring their digital cameras and just email us all the photos they take.
We've also decided that a honeymoon isn't an option. Maybe later in the year we can get away for a day or two once the kids are out of school for the summer. I was thinking that we could keep an eye out for some kind of airline / hotel deal someplace close by for just a weekend, or even drive out of town and find a lovely little bed and breakfast to snuggle into for a few days. Either way... we're patient!
Speaking of money - when it rains it pours it seems. Yesterday when I woke up we found that someone smashed out the window in my car and stole a purse I didn't realize got left inside. Add to that, the dentist just called me. They apparently mis-quoted and billed me incorrectly and I owe them an additional 383.00 for some dental work I had done last week.
LOL...could anyone else possibly need money from me right now? Likely... but they'll just have to stand in line and wait their turn! I remember a saying I once heard someone say about money. "Spend it on what brings you joy, because you can't take it with you when you die!" Nothing gives me more joy and peace than knowing my kids are safe.
BLT and I will still get our happily ever after - it will just be on a smaller scale. This will leave us some money to put towards making sure we get the best GAL possible and make sure the kids are taken care of. I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I mean honestly... we've made it this far. The rest of this should be smooth sailing!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wedding Plans
As you all know, I have been married in the past.... BLT however has not. He was, for the majority of his childhood a single child. A wedding is a very important and much anticipated event for his family. His step siblings are very close to both of us, and they too are incredibly excited for the wedding... so we're going to do it up right - well as nicely as possible with a limited budget, two full time jobs, one psychotic Ex dragging me into court, five kids to support, and out of state family to keep in mind.
My first wedding was designed, and lorded over by my former Mother In-Law. I made little to no choices. She just sort of took over, and not knowing any better I let her. Plus she paid for all of it, so I didn't really have a choice. This time I want to have my own fairytail, maybe not the traditional wedding ceremony... but something that I've had my own hand in. That being said, BLT wants the whole thing...Attendants, music, invitations, flowers, and an open bar! To that end I'm checking out a few locations to see if we can afford to have our wedding there. It seems that around here there are very expensive locations for huge weddings over 150 guests or more. Or there are elegant, intimate locations for weddings with 25 guests or fewer. Finding anything in between has been problematic... and expensive. Money (apparently four kids still need to eat... even though Mommy has explained that she wants those lovely invitations! LOL) is always an issue around here.
In what seems like Deja Vu I'm sure, Ethel will be my maid of honor. My two oldest daughters will stand up with me. Since the oldest daughter was in on the surprise proposal it only seems fitting, BLT asked her what she thought of the idea and they were in cahoots together the whole time! I promised Ethel that there will be no ugly bridesmaid dresses... in fact, other than requesting a color range I'm leaving the dress choice up to her. We did joke about an orange dress with a giant lime green bow though. YIKES!
We are thinking of getting married in April if possible. That's enough time to plan, save up money, get through the holidays, let family plan accordingly for traveling here from California, Hawaii, and Missouri, and it lets me take my time doing as much as possible to keep costs down. I'll do all the flowers, favors, invitations, and decor myself.
Since it's off season I'll be able to negotiate a better deal for the caterer and officiant, etc (or so all the bridal magazines claim) Wish me luck. I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment....
My first job is to find a spot to host this shin dig. Then I will need a dress (not a white wedding dress for obvious reasons.. i.e. I'm OLD) I'm hoping for this misty grey strapless number I've found online.
All of this wedding planning has a extra bonus, it's keeping me too busy to think about our next court appearance in my X's attempt to prove me unfit and get custody of my children. But that, my friends, is a whole different post for a different day.
My first wedding was designed, and lorded over by my former Mother In-Law. I made little to no choices. She just sort of took over, and not knowing any better I let her. Plus she paid for all of it, so I didn't really have a choice. This time I want to have my own fairytail, maybe not the traditional wedding ceremony... but something that I've had my own hand in. That being said, BLT wants the whole thing...Attendants, music, invitations, flowers, and an open bar! To that end I'm checking out a few locations to see if we can afford to have our wedding there. It seems that around here there are very expensive locations for huge weddings over 150 guests or more. Or there are elegant, intimate locations for weddings with 25 guests or fewer. Finding anything in between has been problematic... and expensive. Money (apparently four kids still need to eat... even though Mommy has explained that she wants those lovely invitations! LOL) is always an issue around here.
In what seems like Deja Vu I'm sure, Ethel will be my maid of honor. My two oldest daughters will stand up with me. Since the oldest daughter was in on the surprise proposal it only seems fitting, BLT asked her what she thought of the idea and they were in cahoots together the whole time! I promised Ethel that there will be no ugly bridesmaid dresses... in fact, other than requesting a color range I'm leaving the dress choice up to her. We did joke about an orange dress with a giant lime green bow though. YIKES!
We are thinking of getting married in April if possible. That's enough time to plan, save up money, get through the holidays, let family plan accordingly for traveling here from California, Hawaii, and Missouri, and it lets me take my time doing as much as possible to keep costs down. I'll do all the flowers, favors, invitations, and decor myself.
Since it's off season I'll be able to negotiate a better deal for the caterer and officiant, etc (or so all the bridal magazines claim) Wish me luck. I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment....
My first job is to find a spot to host this shin dig. Then I will need a dress (not a white wedding dress for obvious reasons.. i.e. I'm OLD) I'm hoping for this misty grey strapless number I've found online.
All of this wedding planning has a extra bonus, it's keeping me too busy to think about our next court appearance in my X's attempt to prove me unfit and get custody of my children. But that, my friends, is a whole different post for a different day.
Monday, July 18, 2011
I said Yes....
It was perfect...
An overnight stay in a luxury hotel. A concert outdoors in the evening. An exquisite dinner, and back in our suite a tender, sincere request to grow old with me and to make a family with my kids and I. He picked out the perfect ring and it's exactly what I would choose for myself if I had every ring to choose from.
I cried... I asked, "are you sure?" and then when he was done laughing at me he gave me the sweetest kiss I've ever received.
How could I say no? I love this amazing man.
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