It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Everything is on the back burner

Wedding prep came to a screetching halt.  I'm sick.  I don't mean sniffles or tummy trouble.  I mean, it's taking all my energy to sit up and type this sick.  I dealt with childhood asthma that was pretty serious while I was growing up.  Ethel visited me more than once at the hospital when my lungs would fill up with fluid.

Well some kind of cold has kicked up my asthma again big time.

I missed work every day this week.  I had to cancel my briday shower, and I had to reschedule my bridal fitting. 

BLT had to head out of town to a trade show, so I'm laying in bed being taken care of by the kids.  Poor things... this is no fun for anyone!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Keeping a secret is hard.

I finally told BLT about the surprise bachelor party I arranged for him.  It's a month earlier than I anticipated telling him - but it was still a great surprise.

One evening last week I was obsessing about the friend in the previous post who isn't coming to my bridal shower because she can't rock the boat at home.  BLT's take on it is that yes, it's upsetting, but in all honesty I should be really happy that I have friends willing to throw me a shower at all.  He said, not unkindly or with spite, "Hey doll, I'm not even having a bachelor party. All my friends are two states away, and I'm not pissed about it." And I could tell he wasn't mad, but there was a little wistful quality of regret in his voice.

It was REALLY hard not to spill the beans right there and tell him.  But I smiled sympathetically and nodded and we moved on with the conversation. I have been keeping this secret since December or January when I first decided I wanted to try and work out a surprise bachelor party for him.  I purchased his plane tickets back in January, and I got the ball rolling by contacting friends and his dad and putting the party planning in their hands.

I talked to my mom later that week and she recommended I finally tell BLT about his party.  She had several good points. 1. This way BLT can contact Fraggle's grandparents and arrange a visit while he's down there.  2. He can get his paycheck early and have spending money. 3. He can be a part of the planning to make sure that anyone I don't know, who is important to him, can attend.  and last but not least, I don't take the chance of someone else spoiling the surprise before I can tell him. 

So the other day at work I called him over and gave him the printed itinerary.  I fessed up about all my scheming and the plans I know of that are in the works.  He was very surprised.  It was awesome if I do say so myself.

Whewww... I'm glad it's out in the open now! I know his buddies are going to take care of him! I told them all I don't want any details.  It was my job to get him down there, and it's their job to make sure he comes home hung over!  Heh...  All I told BLT was that there was one rule; Don't bring home anything you plan on having for the rest of your life...  he laughed at me, but he's knows exactly what I'm saying!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Reciprocity and Priority


— n , pl -ities
1. reciprocal action or relation
2. a mutual exchange of commercial or other privileges
[C18: via French from Latin reciprocus reciprocal ]

I've been thinking a bit about this fancy little word for the past few days. See, it all started because a friend of over 20 years recently informed me that she would not be able to attend my Bridal Shower because... get this...

It's a doozy...


Yes folks I am getting ditched at my Bridal Shower so her useless, a-hole of a boyfriend doesn't have to clean up his own home, or feed his own friends. Not to mention that he can't possibly manage to watch their two children while he and the Bro's are watching grown men in UnderRoos oil up and swing each other around by the crotch.

I'm sure you can tell by my pleasant tone and turn of phrase that I'm upset. I'm downright pissed to be exact. I feel really let down, and I'm just shocked that she's not going to be there for me. BLT and Ethel both knew right away what it was. It's not just disappointment at one of my oldest friends bailing out of my shower it's the fact that if the roles were revered I would move heaven and Earth to be there for her shower. I would call in favors for baby sitting if I had to. I would pay a house cleaner if it was really necessary (but really ... do you think any of those guys is giving her china cabinet the white glove once over? I highly doubt it.) And I would tell the ol' boys to order some pizza, and BYOB if they want drinks. I would NEVER blow her off for something so trivial.

And that's what hurts. It's not a priority to her. You hope that if you are a good friend, when it counts your friends will be there for you as well. In this instance there is no reciprocity and she doesn't even get that I'm insulted. Keeping that lazy, good for nothing jack-wagon from bitching at her is a higher priority than celebrating with me, my daughters, and all our nearest and dearest friends.

Honestly I'm not sure how I get over this one. Maybe it sounds silly to the rest of you? I admit that BLT doesn't think it's as big of a deal as I do - but I feel so totally insulted. I told Ethel that the next time this person invites me over to do anything I'll have to tell her that I can't attend because there is a Hillbilly Hand Fishin' marathon on TLC I just can't miss....


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Adapting, Changing, Growing, Learning

It's crazy how many times I've logged into the the ol' blog here and started to put all my thoughts into words, only to have it all fizzle out.  I start out with a bang and slowly it gets convoluted and mixed up, and turns into nothing but a ramble of jubbled gobbly-goo with no message - no clear progression of thought.  And so I hit the delete key and say, "I'll try another day. " Only the next time I put fingers to keys it still doesn't produce that witty blog post I've been hoping for.

Maybe it's writers block, maybe it's that I've lost the zest for railing about the ills of my former marriage and the trials of single parenting - especially since I'm not "single" anymore in any sense of the word.  For the first time in my adult life I have a partner - and I feel totally fullfilled in that relationship.  Not too many people want to hear about your bliss.  Anger, frustration, and drunken mishaps are ever so much more amusing! :)

I don't have any funny quips about dating to share - no inside tips on couponing, tutorials on making your own homemade deodorant from baking soda and evergreen needles or home decor ideas (lets be honest, picking the socks and barbie shoes off the stairs is my method of decorating!) so I'm not sure if I have anything of any real value to write about these days.

What does one share when things are going right?  If anyone cares my wedding is in 39 days... yep...  April 28th BLT and I are tieing the ol Knot at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast location in the mountains.  I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am at the same time.  Wedding plans are progressing nicely.  Invites were mailed and RSPV's are arriving.  We even received a wedding gift in the mail - I was so surprised I squeeled! The dress is being altered as we speak, and a suit ordered for BLT.  Flower girl dresses were sewn by my mom and I.  I built a cup cake tower. We wrote our own vows.  I picked out vintage gifts for my future in laws and sisters.  And I planned a surprise bachelor party for BLT back home with his best dude friends - he has no idea! It'll be GREAT!

How about legalities? The GAL was finally appointed and finished up her report just last week.  As expected she recommends that my Ex go through a significant amount of therapy - alone and with the children later - before he's allowed any access.  So full custody and all decision making for the children stay with me.  WHEWWWW...  I assumed that would be the case, but damn it's great to see it in writing. Now we just have to go to court for the final parenting plan to be written.  Easier said than done since the X is still full on crazy as the Mad Hatter and won't agree to anything.  So the fight goes on.... and lets be honest, I fully anticipate that the fight with him will go on until my last daughter turns 18.  So a bit over ten years of dealing with his rediculous accusations, and being hauled into court on his whim. I'm still trying to navigate a relationship with my former in-laws for the sake of the kids.  It's hard, and sometimes it hurts so bad my heart breaks in a way I could never have anticipated.  I wanted to divorce the man - not the entire family system I had grown to know and love over the years.  Some days I cry a lot.  Some days I can be pragmatic and understand that everything changes and all I can do is adapt.

I guess that's the theme of this post... adapting.  The blog, like me, is having growing pains.  All around me life is changing.  I'm getting married, my kids are growing up, my X isn't growing up.  I'm navigating a new relationship with former family members.  Our company is growing and work is busier than ever (thank God!) All around me there are opportunities to either accept this new life and change, or to desperately cling to what is known and comfortable.  I'm choosing to adapt.