Reciprocity
— n , pl -ities
1. reciprocal action or relation
2. a mutual exchange of commercial or other privileges
[C18: via French from Latin reciprocus reciprocal ]
I've been thinking a bit about this fancy little word for the past few days. See, it all started because a friend of over 20 years recently informed me that she would not be able to attend my Bridal Shower because... get this...
It's a doozy...
SHE HAS TO COOK, AND CLEAN HER HOUSE, SO HER LIVE IN WASTREL OF A BOYFRIEND CAN HOST WRESTLE-MANIA THAT NIGHT.
Yes folks I am getting ditched at my Bridal Shower so her useless, a-hole of a boyfriend doesn't have to clean up his own home, or feed his own friends. Not to mention that he can't possibly manage to watch their two children while he and the Bro's are watching grown men in UnderRoos oil up and swing each other around by the crotch.
I'm sure you can tell by my pleasant tone and turn of phrase that I'm upset. I'm downright pissed to be exact. I feel really let down, and I'm just shocked that she's not going to be there for me. BLT and Ethel both knew right away what it was. It's not just disappointment at one of my oldest friends bailing out of my shower it's the fact that if the roles were revered I would move heaven and Earth to be there for her shower. I would call in favors for baby sitting if I had to. I would pay a house cleaner if it was really necessary (but really ... do you think any of those guys is giving her china cabinet the white glove once over? I highly doubt it.) And I would tell the ol' boys to order some pizza, and BYOB if they want drinks. I would NEVER blow her off for something so trivial.
And that's what hurts. It's not a priority to her. You hope that if you are a good friend, when it counts your friends will be there for you as well. In this instance there is no reciprocity and she doesn't even get that I'm insulted. Keeping that lazy, good for nothing jack-wagon from bitching at her is a higher priority than celebrating with me, my daughters, and all our nearest and dearest friends.
Honestly I'm not sure how I get over this one. Maybe it sounds silly to the rest of you? I admit that BLT doesn't think it's as big of a deal as I do - but I feel so totally insulted. I told Ethel that the next time this person invites me over to do anything I'll have to tell her that I can't attend because there is a Hillbilly Hand Fishin' marathon on TLC I just can't miss....
Frustrated,
Lucy
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Friday, March 23, 2012
Monday, December 6, 2010
Letters, Ground Rules, Good Friends, and the Holidays
Letters: Drama Momma (former mother in law) sent the kids cards. I assumed they were Christmas cards and let the kids open them without looking at them first. A mistake on my part. They were "wish you were here" and "miss you so much" kinds of things that just made the kids feel bad. I'm sure she meant well - but she just never thinks about how her actions effect the kids. What a dolt...
Ground Rules: The kids will be going to Drama Momma's house on Christmas day for a few hours to visit with family that is in town and to exchange gifts. Their therapist thinks that it's a good idea to keep one or two of the kids most beloved traditions, so I'm going to allow this. I'm going to have to have a firm talk (again) with the in-laws and go over the ground rules - not that I have any faith she'll follow my requests. Ugh, I hate this.
Good Friends: I spent Sunday with a good friend. We shall call her Goldilocks. We took a long walk, we baked cookies, we talked. Goldie is great because she's very no nonsense. She'll tell you exactly what she thinks. She is also the kind of mom that makes sure her kids help clean up before she leaves. She'll wash her own dishes or bring over a nice treat...she's just considerate. I used her impending visit as a motivator for my youngest two kiddo's to get their room all organized and cleaned before the holidays. It looks SO nice and when Goldie and her kids left it was still all organized - WIN!
Holidays: I'm lacking the holiday spirit big time this year, but I'm going with the theory - Fake it until you make it. I'm hosting a cookie and gift exchange. I've decorated the house and wrapped all my holiday gifts. I'm playing the Christmas tunes... I figure the spirit has to come over me at some point right?
Ground Rules: The kids will be going to Drama Momma's house on Christmas day for a few hours to visit with family that is in town and to exchange gifts. Their therapist thinks that it's a good idea to keep one or two of the kids most beloved traditions, so I'm going to allow this. I'm going to have to have a firm talk (again) with the in-laws and go over the ground rules - not that I have any faith she'll follow my requests. Ugh, I hate this.
Good Friends: I spent Sunday with a good friend. We shall call her Goldilocks. We took a long walk, we baked cookies, we talked. Goldie is great because she's very no nonsense. She'll tell you exactly what she thinks. She is also the kind of mom that makes sure her kids help clean up before she leaves. She'll wash her own dishes or bring over a nice treat...she's just considerate. I used her impending visit as a motivator for my youngest two kiddo's to get their room all organized and cleaned before the holidays. It looks SO nice and when Goldie and her kids left it was still all organized - WIN!
Holidays: I'm lacking the holiday spirit big time this year, but I'm going with the theory - Fake it until you make it. I'm hosting a cookie and gift exchange. I've decorated the house and wrapped all my holiday gifts. I'm playing the Christmas tunes... I figure the spirit has to come over me at some point right?
Monday, October 25, 2010
23 Years and Counting
Ethel has been my "better half" in regards to friendship for over 23 years now. She knows what I'm saying when I can barely eek out a coherent sentence. She knows what will make me happy. She knows when I'm stressed and when I need to talk.
My dear best friend gives without expecting anything in return. She loves my kids like they are her own. She is honest when I need it - but always tempered with kindness and love. She was their for every major event in my life. Births, deaths, cross country re-locations, job loss, divorce, graduations, birthdays, and several (I mean a LOT) of moves to various cities.
She was the first person I told about the loss of my virginity, each time I got pregnant, my new job, the death of my grandmother, and falling in love with BLT. Ethel was the only person I told of my unhappiness in my marriage.
Sweet Ethel is one of the most forgiving and understanding people I know and is the first person who comes to mind when I hear the term gentle soul. I love you Ethel. You're my best friend, my sister, my confidant, and the Auntie of my children. I would jump in front of a bullet for you dear heart.
Please remember your worth. Please revel in your beauty - both inside and out. Please know, in your heart that you are worthy of adoration and respect. Please be kind to yourself and expect better than you've received from someone who promised to love and cherish you.
My dear best friend gives without expecting anything in return. She loves my kids like they are her own. She is honest when I need it - but always tempered with kindness and love. She was their for every major event in my life. Births, deaths, cross country re-locations, job loss, divorce, graduations, birthdays, and several (I mean a LOT) of moves to various cities.
She was the first person I told about the loss of my virginity, each time I got pregnant, my new job, the death of my grandmother, and falling in love with BLT. Ethel was the only person I told of my unhappiness in my marriage.
Sweet Ethel is one of the most forgiving and understanding people I know and is the first person who comes to mind when I hear the term gentle soul. I love you Ethel. You're my best friend, my sister, my confidant, and the Auntie of my children. I would jump in front of a bullet for you dear heart.
Please remember your worth. Please revel in your beauty - both inside and out. Please know, in your heart that you are worthy of adoration and respect. Please be kind to yourself and expect better than you've received from someone who promised to love and cherish you.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
On the topic of forgiveness
While reading my favorite blogs today I came across this post by T: The Quest for T: Reconciliation Day
It really got me thinking about the players in the little soap opera that has become my life. So many people have been effected. So many lives changed forever. There are several people I'm going to have to forgive, and come to terms with their decisions - starting with myself.
So here it is... I forgive myself. I accept that I made mistakes, that I wasn't honest - with myself or others. I take responsibility for getting involved with another man before my marriage was over. I admit that I knew my marriage was over years before I was brave enough to do something about it. I accept the disappointment I see in my parents' eyes and I forgive myself.
Now, the forgiveness of others is going to take some time. In no particular order I will work on forgiving:
My Former Mother In Law: For paying for his divorce lawyer. For paying for the X's defense lawyer. For being manipulative and emotionally needy. For putting her son before her grandchildren. For discussing the personal aspects of my divorce and my sexuality with other people. For invading my privacy.
My Former Father In Law: For being a rampant gossip, and for trying to share intimate details of my life with my parents of all people. For telling me that I needed to invest in a Nun Habit and a vibrator because no man will ever want me once he finds out I'm a single mom with four kids.
Good Time Friends: For disappearing when the going got tough. For saying they cared and wouldn't pick sides, and in lieu of taking sides they just drifted off onto the ether.
Convenient Christians: For pretending to care about my kids. For telling me that my marriage could be fixed if I prayed hard enough...and then once they heard about the gun "incident" having the balls to tell me to pray for the X's soul. Both the good time friends and convenient Christians who were nowhere to be found when my kids and I found ourselves essentially homeless.
The Land Lady: For being cold hearted and kicking us out when she knew what happened and that I couldn't pay the rent without child support. She gave me two weeks to move all my stuff out, and then kept the entire damage deposit even though I had only lived there 30 days.
Last, but most certainly not least...
X: For being a useless father, a crappy lover, a selfish and lazy husband. For tell all our personal business to anyone who would listen, friends, coworkers, neighbors, the Schwan's guy for craps sake. For cyber stalking, being a liar and a general nutcase. For being a control freak. For bringing a gun to my house, pointing it at my head and saying four horrifying words, "This Won't Take Long" For calling me a whore in front of our daughters. For telling our two impressionable pre-teens exactly how they should go about killing themselves if he didn't come home.
All of these people I think I can forgive with time.... with the exception of the X. I'm not sure his sins are forgivable. I'm pretty sure I don't even want to forgive him. The anger keeps me motivated, it keeps me focused, it gives me an outlet for my anger. I'm not ready to give that up yet... I'm not sure if I can.
It really got me thinking about the players in the little soap opera that has become my life. So many people have been effected. So many lives changed forever. There are several people I'm going to have to forgive, and come to terms with their decisions - starting with myself.
So here it is... I forgive myself. I accept that I made mistakes, that I wasn't honest - with myself or others. I take responsibility for getting involved with another man before my marriage was over. I admit that I knew my marriage was over years before I was brave enough to do something about it. I accept the disappointment I see in my parents' eyes and I forgive myself.
Now, the forgiveness of others is going to take some time. In no particular order I will work on forgiving:
My Former Mother In Law: For paying for his divorce lawyer. For paying for the X's defense lawyer. For being manipulative and emotionally needy. For putting her son before her grandchildren. For discussing the personal aspects of my divorce and my sexuality with other people. For invading my privacy.
My Former Father In Law: For being a rampant gossip, and for trying to share intimate details of my life with my parents of all people. For telling me that I needed to invest in a Nun Habit and a vibrator because no man will ever want me once he finds out I'm a single mom with four kids.
Good Time Friends: For disappearing when the going got tough. For saying they cared and wouldn't pick sides, and in lieu of taking sides they just drifted off onto the ether.
Convenient Christians: For pretending to care about my kids. For telling me that my marriage could be fixed if I prayed hard enough...and then once they heard about the gun "incident" having the balls to tell me to pray for the X's soul. Both the good time friends and convenient Christians who were nowhere to be found when my kids and I found ourselves essentially homeless.
The Land Lady: For being cold hearted and kicking us out when she knew what happened and that I couldn't pay the rent without child support. She gave me two weeks to move all my stuff out, and then kept the entire damage deposit even though I had only lived there 30 days.
Last, but most certainly not least...
X: For being a useless father, a crappy lover, a selfish and lazy husband. For tell all our personal business to anyone who would listen, friends, coworkers, neighbors, the Schwan's guy for craps sake. For cyber stalking, being a liar and a general nutcase. For being a control freak. For bringing a gun to my house, pointing it at my head and saying four horrifying words, "This Won't Take Long" For calling me a whore in front of our daughters. For telling our two impressionable pre-teens exactly how they should go about killing themselves if he didn't come home.
All of these people I think I can forgive with time.... with the exception of the X. I'm not sure his sins are forgivable. I'm pretty sure I don't even want to forgive him. The anger keeps me motivated, it keeps me focused, it gives me an outlet for my anger. I'm not ready to give that up yet... I'm not sure if I can.
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