It's crazy how many times I've logged into the the ol' blog here and started to put all my thoughts into words, only to have it all fizzle out. I start out with a bang and slowly it gets convoluted and mixed up, and turns into nothing but a ramble of jubbled gobbly-goo with no message - no clear progression of thought. And so I hit the delete key and say, "I'll try another day. " Only the next time I put fingers to keys it still doesn't produce that witty blog post I've been hoping for.
Maybe it's writers block, maybe it's that I've lost the zest for railing about the ills of my former marriage and the trials of single parenting - especially since I'm not "single" anymore in any sense of the word. For the first time in my adult life I have a partner - and I feel totally fullfilled in that relationship. Not too many people want to hear about your bliss. Anger, frustration, and drunken mishaps are ever so much more amusing! :)
I don't have any funny quips about dating to share - no inside tips on couponing, tutorials on making your own homemade deodorant from baking soda and evergreen needles or home decor ideas (lets be honest, picking the socks and barbie shoes off the stairs is my method of decorating!) so I'm not sure if I have anything of any real value to write about these days.
What does one share when things are going right? If anyone cares my wedding is in 39 days... yep... April 28th BLT and I are tieing the ol Knot at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast location in the mountains. I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am at the same time. Wedding plans are progressing nicely. Invites were mailed and RSPV's are arriving. We even received a wedding gift in the mail - I was so surprised I squeeled! The dress is being altered as we speak, and a suit ordered for BLT. Flower girl dresses were sewn by my mom and I. I built a cup cake tower. We wrote our own vows. I picked out vintage gifts for my future in laws and sisters. And I planned a surprise bachelor party for BLT back home with his best dude friends - he has no idea! It'll be GREAT!
How about legalities? The GAL was finally appointed and finished up her report just last week. As expected she recommends that my Ex go through a significant amount of therapy - alone and with the children later - before he's allowed any access. So full custody and all decision making for the children stay with me. WHEWWWW... I assumed that would be the case, but damn it's great to see it in writing. Now we just have to go to court for the final parenting plan to be written. Easier said than done since the X is still full on crazy as the Mad Hatter and won't agree to anything. So the fight goes on.... and lets be honest, I fully anticipate that the fight with him will go on until my last daughter turns 18. So a bit over ten years of dealing with his rediculous accusations, and being hauled into court on his whim. I'm still trying to navigate a relationship with my former in-laws for the sake of the kids. It's hard, and sometimes it hurts so bad my heart breaks in a way I could never have anticipated. I wanted to divorce the man - not the entire family system I had grown to know and love over the years. Some days I cry a lot. Some days I can be pragmatic and understand that everything changes and all I can do is adapt.
I guess that's the theme of this post... adapting. The blog, like me, is having growing pains. All around me life is changing. I'm getting married, my kids are growing up, my X isn't growing up. I'm navigating a new relationship with former family members. Our company is growing and work is busier than ever (thank God!) All around me there are opportunities to either accept this new life and change, or to desperately cling to what is known and comfortable. I'm choosing to adapt.
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
And a Fraggle Makes Five!
One of the major developments during my month long blog-cation (see how I did that, mixed the word blog with vacation... oh ya... this is some FINE writing here) was that BLT's little one, Fraggle, came to stay with us for nearly the full month.
Five kids in the house - well five GIRLS to be exact - makes for a busy, loud, drama filled house. Everyone got along really well, don't get me wrong. But girls are just emotional creatures, LOUD, giggling, singing, drama queens. It worked out great though, and she slid into place as the baby of the family with very few bumps in the road. As my good friend and mother of six always jokes - "When you have another kid it's just one more box of macaroni and cheese!" Having a preschooler in the house again was fun. It's a good thing I have a giant, vintage claw foot tub though, because the three youngest ones always wanted to hop in the bubble bath together! It gave me serious baby fever though. I looked at BLT at one point and said... come on baby... just one more?
Poor guy looked like I asked him to re roof the house naked in a snow storm. He was not impressed with my suggestion. Deep down I know he's right... hell it's not even deep down. I just plain ol' know it's not going to happen!
It was amazing having the whole family together for an extended period of time. We are convinced now, more than ever, that once the GAL is done and we have a final parenting plan in place with my X that we'll move forward with bringing Fraggle to live with us full time. It's the right thing to do. Her mother is nowhere in the picture and she's primarily raised by aging grandparents. They've done a great job and are loving grandparents - but he's her daddy and the deal has always been that he would have primary custody once it was possible. So, now it's possible. Fraggle gets instant siblings - whom she adores, so it's a win-win situation in my opinion.
So now we've officially got our own Girls Volleyball Team - I think they need a name. We already have the idiot pugs for mascots. Give the girls half a chance and they'll have them in jerseys. YIKES!
Five kids in the house - well five GIRLS to be exact - makes for a busy, loud, drama filled house. Everyone got along really well, don't get me wrong. But girls are just emotional creatures, LOUD, giggling, singing, drama queens. It worked out great though, and she slid into place as the baby of the family with very few bumps in the road. As my good friend and mother of six always jokes - "When you have another kid it's just one more box of macaroni and cheese!" Having a preschooler in the house again was fun. It's a good thing I have a giant, vintage claw foot tub though, because the three youngest ones always wanted to hop in the bubble bath together! It gave me serious baby fever though. I looked at BLT at one point and said... come on baby... just one more?
Poor guy looked like I asked him to re roof the house naked in a snow storm. He was not impressed with my suggestion. Deep down I know he's right... hell it's not even deep down. I just plain ol' know it's not going to happen!
It was amazing having the whole family together for an extended period of time. We are convinced now, more than ever, that once the GAL is done and we have a final parenting plan in place with my X that we'll move forward with bringing Fraggle to live with us full time. It's the right thing to do. Her mother is nowhere in the picture and she's primarily raised by aging grandparents. They've done a great job and are loving grandparents - but he's her daddy and the deal has always been that he would have primary custody once it was possible. So, now it's possible. Fraggle gets instant siblings - whom she adores, so it's a win-win situation in my opinion.
So now we've officially got our own Girls Volleyball Team - I think they need a name. We already have the idiot pugs for mascots. Give the girls half a chance and they'll have them in jerseys. YIKES!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Are you there blog... It's me Lucy....
Long time no see huh?
I needed a hiatus. I needed to get through the Holidays and the madness that post holiday fatigue bring to my life. I needed to focus on all the GAL bullshit that's infiltrated every corner of our lives.
The past month has brought a bit of frustration, a few tears, lots of joy, lots of fun, and LOT checked off my "to do" list. I started the PINK method diet... go ahead and google it, I'm too lazy to link this morning. I was told the first two weeks I was grumpy. I don't recall being grumpy, but it's certainly not impossible - I was going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
There is wedding prep galore going on around the BLT & Lucy abode. We are making tissue pomanders, getting dresses fitted, and trying to find a suit for BLT. Mostly though we are just worrying how we'll pay for it all. I calculated that over 45 thousand dollars, my entire life savings and a chunk borrowed from my parents, has been spent in 2 1/2 years trying to get divorced from my gun toting X and to ensure the kids safety. GAL fees are currently what is sucking me dry - and there's no end in sight. I have to fight to prove to the court why I shouldn't be financially responsible for HIS monitored visitation and court ordered therapy... REALLY?? No child support for two years while he's in jail for trying to shoot me and I'm responsible for his therapy? How the (insert filthy expletive here) is that even fair? Anyway... I digress... that's a whole different post I'm sure. For now, lets continue to catch up shall we?
Taxes are done - that's another big weight off my mind. I'll be able to give it all to my parents to start paying back the above mentioned loan. It's a drop in the bucket - but every bit counts, and my pride won't let me keep money - even to pay for the wedding - if I owe them. It's just not right to buy stuff for myself if I still owe them, know what I mean? I couldn't live with myself.
So I apologize for my long absence. I haven't read my favorite blogs even to keep up with everyone. I've just sort of tuned out and focused all my attention on the kids, the bills, and BLT. But I'm ready to rejoin the land of living...
Say Hi and let me know if anyone is still out there! :)
I needed a hiatus. I needed to get through the Holidays and the madness that post holiday fatigue bring to my life. I needed to focus on all the GAL bullshit that's infiltrated every corner of our lives.
The past month has brought a bit of frustration, a few tears, lots of joy, lots of fun, and LOT checked off my "to do" list. I started the PINK method diet... go ahead and google it, I'm too lazy to link this morning. I was told the first two weeks I was grumpy. I don't recall being grumpy, but it's certainly not impossible - I was going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
There is wedding prep galore going on around the BLT & Lucy abode. We are making tissue pomanders, getting dresses fitted, and trying to find a suit for BLT. Mostly though we are just worrying how we'll pay for it all. I calculated that over 45 thousand dollars, my entire life savings and a chunk borrowed from my parents, has been spent in 2 1/2 years trying to get divorced from my gun toting X and to ensure the kids safety. GAL fees are currently what is sucking me dry - and there's no end in sight. I have to fight to prove to the court why I shouldn't be financially responsible for HIS monitored visitation and court ordered therapy... REALLY?? No child support for two years while he's in jail for trying to shoot me and I'm responsible for his therapy? How the (insert filthy expletive here) is that even fair? Anyway... I digress... that's a whole different post I'm sure. For now, lets continue to catch up shall we?
Taxes are done - that's another big weight off my mind. I'll be able to give it all to my parents to start paying back the above mentioned loan. It's a drop in the bucket - but every bit counts, and my pride won't let me keep money - even to pay for the wedding - if I owe them. It's just not right to buy stuff for myself if I still owe them, know what I mean? I couldn't live with myself.
So I apologize for my long absence. I haven't read my favorite blogs even to keep up with everyone. I've just sort of tuned out and focused all my attention on the kids, the bills, and BLT. But I'm ready to rejoin the land of living...
Say Hi and let me know if anyone is still out there! :)
Thursday, December 22, 2011
I'm THAT Auntie!
Yep, I'm THAT Auntie. The kind that spoils your kid and sends them home. The one that feeds them candy and chocolate milk, lets them stay up late watching Disney movies, orders pizza, and sings Katie Perry songs with them at the top of her lungs while we make chocolate chip pancakes!
No lie... my nieces love me! The three year old calls me Auntie Num-Nums.
For my oldest niece's 12th birthday I decided that a little kid torture would be fun! Her mom told me she needed minutes for her cell phone. I bought a Verizon Card and wrapped it in paper, and then cardboard, and more paper, and then some corrugate, then a couple boxes, and more layers of gift wrap.
12 layers deep! The outside box was huge - about 3 foot square. Every couple of layers there was a note "not done yet", "keep going", "do you feel the love?" LOL... all the grown ups were cracking up, and she was shooting me looks that said, "YOU ARE TOTALLY NUTS!!" It was wonderful.
The kids and I also made her a dozen candy flowers inside a candy vase. Everything was edible and very, very cute. She loved it!
So after sugaring her up sufficiently I went home and left my Sister In Law to deal with the messy parenting part. Whooo Yahhh - I love love love being an Auntie. Of course when my SIL does the same for my kids I think, for just a brief second, that payback is a bitch. But hey... it's our job to spoil them. Moms and Dad's get to do the serious stuff!
No lie... my nieces love me! The three year old calls me Auntie Num-Nums.
For my oldest niece's 12th birthday I decided that a little kid torture would be fun! Her mom told me she needed minutes for her cell phone. I bought a Verizon Card and wrapped it in paper, and then cardboard, and more paper, and then some corrugate, then a couple boxes, and more layers of gift wrap.
12 layers deep! The outside box was huge - about 3 foot square. Every couple of layers there was a note "not done yet", "keep going", "do you feel the love?" LOL... all the grown ups were cracking up, and she was shooting me looks that said, "YOU ARE TOTALLY NUTS!!" It was wonderful.
The kids and I also made her a dozen candy flowers inside a candy vase. Everything was edible and very, very cute. She loved it!
So after sugaring her up sufficiently I went home and left my Sister In Law to deal with the messy parenting part. Whooo Yahhh - I love love love being an Auntie. Of course when my SIL does the same for my kids I think, for just a brief second, that payback is a bitch. But hey... it's our job to spoil them. Moms and Dad's get to do the serious stuff!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Oh those wacky kids...
Having four kids in the house makes for a fun, but wildly busy and rowdy household. About ten days ago my poor Monkey Pants had to be knocked out and have a bunch of dental work done. One of the things they had to do was pull out both of the bottom front baby teeth. The adult teeth had grown in behind them, a la shark style, and those little baby teeth were not coming out on their own... so now Money Pants has a lisp. LOL, it's the cutest thing ever. "Momma, I love you thith muth" Who wouldn't melt when they heard that?
A couple days ago Ethel's littlest one says to me, "Auntie, I love you." and I tell her I love her more. She replies, "I love you one hundred and fourteen pounds" and I say "Well that's exactly how much I weigh!" I think I actually heard Ethel snort from the kitchen while she tried to hold in the gaffaw... shoosh you evil woman!
Last weekend my two nieces, ages four and five, spent the night. This made six little ones in my house ranging in age from four to fourteen. One of the wee ones found an old bell in the toy box. At seven AM on Sunday it sounded like the Salvation Army had invaded. OIY was that obnoxious! Good thing they're adorably cute or I would have beaten someone with that darn bell!
My two youngest came to work with me last Friday since there was no school. This is one of the benefits of working for your parent's company... they let me bring the kids to crash on the couch if they're sick, or if there isn't any school for the day. During lunch they were in the kitchen eating soup I made while leaning over the garbage can. My mother asks them why they are leaning over the trash instead of sitting down at the table. TNT replies, "Cause we're Hobos and we found this soup in the garbage. Next we're gonna find CANDY!" oooohhh kaaaay.... that kid is a weird one. And what nine year old wants to make believe play at being a "hobo" anyway? Maybe we watched a little too much of the Occupy Wall Street news on the TV!
My youngest has a birthday on Thanksgiving day this year. She's decided we need ice cream cake. I better get on that! That poor kid needs a real party with some friends, and party games. Having her birthday on Thanksgiving makes it really hard because nobody can ever come. Maybe I should take her ice skating with a few friends the following week - that would be fun! Either way I have to come up with some way to celebrate her birthday with all the family there for Thanksgiving as well. Maybe I'll decorate up a little "birthday girl" table with streamers and some birthday balloons in the corner. Then I'll put her wrapped presents there and when everyone arrives we'll sing a little happy birthday and let her blow out the candle on her own personal ice cream cake. I'll make up some goodie bags for the kids and they can go off and play while we finish preparing dinner. I'm liking this plan.... oh ETHEL... HELP!
A couple days ago Ethel's littlest one says to me, "Auntie, I love you." and I tell her I love her more. She replies, "I love you one hundred and fourteen pounds" and I say "Well that's exactly how much I weigh!" I think I actually heard Ethel snort from the kitchen while she tried to hold in the gaffaw... shoosh you evil woman!
Last weekend my two nieces, ages four and five, spent the night. This made six little ones in my house ranging in age from four to fourteen. One of the wee ones found an old bell in the toy box. At seven AM on Sunday it sounded like the Salvation Army had invaded. OIY was that obnoxious! Good thing they're adorably cute or I would have beaten someone with that darn bell!
My two youngest came to work with me last Friday since there was no school. This is one of the benefits of working for your parent's company... they let me bring the kids to crash on the couch if they're sick, or if there isn't any school for the day. During lunch they were in the kitchen eating soup I made while leaning over the garbage can. My mother asks them why they are leaning over the trash instead of sitting down at the table. TNT replies, "Cause we're Hobos and we found this soup in the garbage. Next we're gonna find CANDY!" oooohhh kaaaay.... that kid is a weird one. And what nine year old wants to make believe play at being a "hobo" anyway? Maybe we watched a little too much of the Occupy Wall Street news on the TV!
My youngest has a birthday on Thanksgiving day this year. She's decided we need ice cream cake. I better get on that! That poor kid needs a real party with some friends, and party games. Having her birthday on Thanksgiving makes it really hard because nobody can ever come. Maybe I should take her ice skating with a few friends the following week - that would be fun! Either way I have to come up with some way to celebrate her birthday with all the family there for Thanksgiving as well. Maybe I'll decorate up a little "birthday girl" table with streamers and some birthday balloons in the corner. Then I'll put her wrapped presents there and when everyone arrives we'll sing a little happy birthday and let her blow out the candle on her own personal ice cream cake. I'll make up some goodie bags for the kids and they can go off and play while we finish preparing dinner. I'm liking this plan.... oh ETHEL... HELP!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Long Time No Post, GAL Meeting, and Catch Up
I think I was hiding for a little while there. I've been a bit more stressed out than normal and I kind of crawled into a little hole and hid for a week or two. Buuuuuut.... I'm back and feeling all chipper not entirely insane so I figured I would blog a little and work out some of the random crap floating around in my semi full noggin.
I do have to confess that I injured poor Ethel. Last Monday I slammed the car door on her hand and busted open her finger. It bleed EVERYWHERE. I have no idea why she puts up with me, I swear. Poor girl! Go ahead, I deserve a small amount of verbal flogging for being a klutz!
Also last week I met with our GAL - I shall call her Dr. Britt. Not because she's British mind you, but because it sort of relates to her name and she is a Dr of the PhD variety...and I just kinda dig it. So Dr. Britt and I get together via phone the final week in October. I had sent in 1/2 of the required payment to her and hadn't heard anything, so I called and introduced myself. We had a short, but pleasant conversation and she forwarded some paperwork onto me by email. I filled in out within 24 hours and emailed it back to her. I followed up a few days later with an email letting her know when to expect the final half of the payment. Shortly there after my X's evil lawyer calls and accuses me of standing in the way of the reunification process and actually said, "My client has behaved PERFECTLY and your client is obstructing his attempts at establishing visitation by refusing to work with the GAL. She better get into compliance immediately or... insert random scary legal threats here" So my lawyer contacted Dr. Britt and asked if I had been in contact and where we were in the process. Dr. Britt replied via email that at that time I was the only one she had heard from, I was the only one who had completed my parenting worksheet, and I was the only one who had paid. SO SUCK THAT YOU "PERFECTLY BEHAVED" JACK WAGON! grrrr... sorry for the anger there, but jeez I hate being accused of standing in the way or being somehow responsible for his failures. I don't need to stand in his way - he does a good enough job of screwing up on all his crazy own!
Well last week it was time for our face-to-face meeting. It was nice to hear before hand that Dr. Britt realized this wasn't about me at all, and that interviewing me and meeting with the kids was just a formality - and that her primary job is to establish what my X's mental condition is currently and what kind of therapy, DV treatment, and possible parenting classes he will have to submit to prior to establishing some kind of reunification plan and monitored visitation set up. So we met for two hours and discussed my history with my ex, our current living situation and how the kids are doing. We talked a bit about my plans for the future, and what I would need to see from the X in order to feel safe. It was a really good meeting. It felt amazing to hear her say that she thinks I'm a good mom, and that I'm doing a good job.
Lots of stuff going on this week as well. I'm heading to court on Thursday to try and get the kid's Restraining Order renewed against the X. He is, of course, fighting it - so there have been legal shenanigans a plenty from his camp. That's a whole post all on it's own. The amount of absolute bull crap being flung over the fence from Capt. Crazy and his team of Legal Hooligans is freaking amazing. Blatant, and bold lies even when we've presented the court with proof otherwise - and he clings to those crazy stories for all he's worth. It's just laughable to some extent - but scary too. I think he actually believes his own lies. He's convinced himself really and truly that he's some kind of victim of the system and an evil ex wife who masterfully has manipulated police, judges, lawyers, therapists, and the family court system to screw him over. None of this guarantees that I'll get my motion passed and get a 3rd restraining order though - so I'm trying not to focus on the "what if" scenarios too much or I'll devolve into a blubbering pile of anxiety and stress.
This week is also my birthday. I'm somewhere past 35 now and not yet 40. It's pretty hideous actually, and I plan on ignoring the day as much as possible. Although my wonderful parents did bless me with the gift of a shiny new 12 quart, restaurant quality stock pot. I'm stoked to make some home made chili or maybe chicken and dumplings for everyone soon!
Also this week are four parent/teacher conferences, and lots of kid "stuff" going on. I think I need a vacation people!
I do have to confess that I injured poor Ethel. Last Monday I slammed the car door on her hand and busted open her finger. It bleed EVERYWHERE. I have no idea why she puts up with me, I swear. Poor girl! Go ahead, I deserve a small amount of verbal flogging for being a klutz!
Also last week I met with our GAL - I shall call her Dr. Britt. Not because she's British mind you, but because it sort of relates to her name and she is a Dr of the PhD variety...and I just kinda dig it. So Dr. Britt and I get together via phone the final week in October. I had sent in 1/2 of the required payment to her and hadn't heard anything, so I called and introduced myself. We had a short, but pleasant conversation and she forwarded some paperwork onto me by email. I filled in out within 24 hours and emailed it back to her. I followed up a few days later with an email letting her know when to expect the final half of the payment. Shortly there after my X's evil lawyer calls and accuses me of standing in the way of the reunification process and actually said, "My client has behaved PERFECTLY and your client is obstructing his attempts at establishing visitation by refusing to work with the GAL. She better get into compliance immediately or... insert random scary legal threats here" So my lawyer contacted Dr. Britt and asked if I had been in contact and where we were in the process. Dr. Britt replied via email that at that time I was the only one she had heard from, I was the only one who had completed my parenting worksheet, and I was the only one who had paid. SO SUCK THAT YOU "PERFECTLY BEHAVED" JACK WAGON! grrrr... sorry for the anger there, but jeez I hate being accused of standing in the way or being somehow responsible for his failures. I don't need to stand in his way - he does a good enough job of screwing up on all his crazy own!
Well last week it was time for our face-to-face meeting. It was nice to hear before hand that Dr. Britt realized this wasn't about me at all, and that interviewing me and meeting with the kids was just a formality - and that her primary job is to establish what my X's mental condition is currently and what kind of therapy, DV treatment, and possible parenting classes he will have to submit to prior to establishing some kind of reunification plan and monitored visitation set up. So we met for two hours and discussed my history with my ex, our current living situation and how the kids are doing. We talked a bit about my plans for the future, and what I would need to see from the X in order to feel safe. It was a really good meeting. It felt amazing to hear her say that she thinks I'm a good mom, and that I'm doing a good job.
Lots of stuff going on this week as well. I'm heading to court on Thursday to try and get the kid's Restraining Order renewed against the X. He is, of course, fighting it - so there have been legal shenanigans a plenty from his camp. That's a whole post all on it's own. The amount of absolute bull crap being flung over the fence from Capt. Crazy and his team of Legal Hooligans is freaking amazing. Blatant, and bold lies even when we've presented the court with proof otherwise - and he clings to those crazy stories for all he's worth. It's just laughable to some extent - but scary too. I think he actually believes his own lies. He's convinced himself really and truly that he's some kind of victim of the system and an evil ex wife who masterfully has manipulated police, judges, lawyers, therapists, and the family court system to screw him over. None of this guarantees that I'll get my motion passed and get a 3rd restraining order though - so I'm trying not to focus on the "what if" scenarios too much or I'll devolve into a blubbering pile of anxiety and stress.
This week is also my birthday. I'm somewhere past 35 now and not yet 40. It's pretty hideous actually, and I plan on ignoring the day as much as possible. Although my wonderful parents did bless me with the gift of a shiny new 12 quart, restaurant quality stock pot. I'm stoked to make some home made chili or maybe chicken and dumplings for everyone soon!
Also this week are four parent/teacher conferences, and lots of kid "stuff" going on. I think I need a vacation people!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
God I can be a judgemental ass sometimes
I have a confession to make. I can really be a judgemental jackass sometimes. I don't mean to, and when I catch myself doing it I try to step back and look at my judgements/assumptions/feelings more critically and kindly. Sometimes I fail though... it's a flaw I'm working on.
Case in point. TNT has made a friend I'll call Baby. Baby and her younger sister seem quite nice, very pleasant kids and they've been over before for play dates. TNT and Monkey Pants have been to their house for play dates. I've met Baby's mom on several occasions- and here the judgemental part of me rears it's ugly head.
See Baby's mom has facial piercings, crazy, perpetually disheveled hair, and neck tattoos. I have no moral objection to any of these things - but I admit the pierced tongue, eyebrow, and lip really creep me out, I just REALLY dislike facial piercings. *shudder* The whole package just screams to me, "I MAKE BAD CHOICES!" Baby's mom is very pleasant though.... she seems friendly and is kind to my kids. But she gives off haphazard party girl vibe that makes me leery....
Last time I dropped her girls off at her house there was a big ol' Vodka bottle propping up the garage door. Okay....my first thought... "lush". Not nice, I know I know. I backtracked and had a little talking to with myself, "hey listen, I have no idea how long they had that bottle, if it was a gift, or from a big celebration. Don't be so quick to judge. I have no proof she drinks too much!"
On another occasion TNT was invited to stay for dinner, and when I picked her up she mentioned casually that they had noodles. "oh Spaghetti, or Lasagna or something like that?" I ask. "No, just noodles and salt, sometimes at the end of the month they don't have much food in their house." Certainly not a crime, we struggle here too, to be honest, and frequently we resort to inexpensive dinners once a week of scrambled eggs and toast, or soup and biscuits. But the last time I was over there they had a brand new flat screen TV on the wall... do you hear the judgemental voice I'm trying to control? I really am trying. It's not my business how they spend their money, but Vodka and TV's seem odd choices if you're eating plain noodles - know what I mean?
So I've promised myself that I'm going to continue to be polite, and the kids like each other so there is no reason why they can't play together. However if money is that tight I can't let my kids eat over at her house.... they need to use their resources for their own three kids. That's only fair and right. I won't make a big deal about it, I'll just make sure if she's invited that we have something else we have to do. That way nobody has any hurt feelings.
In an effort to help out a little I am taking a winter coat over that my 12 year old out grew. It's too big for TNT, and Baby is much taller and broader - so while it's going to be a size or two too big I think she'll be able to use it. It's a very good quality coat.
I am going to refuse to let my inner cynic convince me that there is something wrong here unless or until I have all the facts. I mean, I know I'm making judgements based on appearances, and on only having a small amount of interaction with this family. That's growth right? Being aware of my own short coming and acting differently?
Growth... I'm working on it....
Case in point. TNT has made a friend I'll call Baby. Baby and her younger sister seem quite nice, very pleasant kids and they've been over before for play dates. TNT and Monkey Pants have been to their house for play dates. I've met Baby's mom on several occasions- and here the judgemental part of me rears it's ugly head.
See Baby's mom has facial piercings, crazy, perpetually disheveled hair, and neck tattoos. I have no moral objection to any of these things - but I admit the pierced tongue, eyebrow, and lip really creep me out, I just REALLY dislike facial piercings. *shudder* The whole package just screams to me, "I MAKE BAD CHOICES!" Baby's mom is very pleasant though.... she seems friendly and is kind to my kids. But she gives off haphazard party girl vibe that makes me leery....
Last time I dropped her girls off at her house there was a big ol' Vodka bottle propping up the garage door. Okay....my first thought... "lush". Not nice, I know I know. I backtracked and had a little talking to with myself, "hey listen, I have no idea how long they had that bottle, if it was a gift, or from a big celebration. Don't be so quick to judge. I have no proof she drinks too much!"
On another occasion TNT was invited to stay for dinner, and when I picked her up she mentioned casually that they had noodles. "oh Spaghetti, or Lasagna or something like that?" I ask. "No, just noodles and salt, sometimes at the end of the month they don't have much food in their house." Certainly not a crime, we struggle here too, to be honest, and frequently we resort to inexpensive dinners once a week of scrambled eggs and toast, or soup and biscuits. But the last time I was over there they had a brand new flat screen TV on the wall... do you hear the judgemental voice I'm trying to control? I really am trying. It's not my business how they spend their money, but Vodka and TV's seem odd choices if you're eating plain noodles - know what I mean?
So I've promised myself that I'm going to continue to be polite, and the kids like each other so there is no reason why they can't play together. However if money is that tight I can't let my kids eat over at her house.... they need to use their resources for their own three kids. That's only fair and right. I won't make a big deal about it, I'll just make sure if she's invited that we have something else we have to do. That way nobody has any hurt feelings.
In an effort to help out a little I am taking a winter coat over that my 12 year old out grew. It's too big for TNT, and Baby is much taller and broader - so while it's going to be a size or two too big I think she'll be able to use it. It's a very good quality coat.
I am going to refuse to let my inner cynic convince me that there is something wrong here unless or until I have all the facts. I mean, I know I'm making judgements based on appearances, and on only having a small amount of interaction with this family. That's growth right? Being aware of my own short coming and acting differently?
Growth... I'm working on it....
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Protests, Pre-teens, and Permission Slips
Just a few random thoughts for today...
1. I don't really have a desire to discuss politics here, but I will share that after Therapy on Tuesday night Chef and I passed three lonely little Protesters outside a tiny branch of US Bank in a residential neighborhood. One was clearly drunk, one was looking bored, and one was yelling angry Anti-Wall Street rhetoric. My 14 year old asks why they were there. We had a brief discussion about the issues at hand and protesting in general. Chef, in the very matter of fact way she sees the world says, "So somehow drinking in front of a closed bank at nine o'clock at night is going to get you a job? What is wrong with people... go home... Oh, and why was his sign so ugly? I mean, he obviously has time on his hands. Couldn't he make a nicer sign?"
I guess when you're 14 the aesthetics of your message are as important as the message itself, *giggle* and she does have a bit of a point. Manning a protest of three (well really 2 and a half since the one dude was so obviously more interested in whatever was in the brown paper bottle he was swiggin' than the injustices of the world) outside a teeny tiny bank in the middle of nowhere isn't going to accomplish much.
2. I got a call at work today. It was a cacophony of screaming and squealing. See... Thing 1 had hidden a book from Thing 2. Thing 2 wanted said book, as well as to raid Thing 1's herb supply. Why? Well obviously is was because Thing 2 intended to perform some kind of magical spell... ??.... confused? Yes I was too. Thing 1 apparently tackled Thing 2 during the whole bizarre exchange and embarrassed Thing 2 in front of a friend.
My answer... "Are you on fire? No... okay. Are you being abducted? No... well that's good. Now go do your homework. Stay out of the freaking Oregano, clean your room, and when that's done you can log onto Netflix and find some movie with teen aged vampires sucking on each other. Don't call me back unless it's an actual emergency. LOOOOOVE YOU!!!"
3. Can someone explain to me why my four kids wait until I'm leaving for work to all bombard me with papers to sign? I ask the night before. I swear I do, and nobody needs me for anything. But by the light of day - and at the point that my car is started and I've got one foot out the door - suddenly everyone need a permission slip to go to the petting zoo, their reading log signed, or a note to excuse them from swimming because my teen aged daughter is under the impression that tampons are the work of the devil.
Some days I just wonder if I'm the only one with a life like this....
1. I don't really have a desire to discuss politics here, but I will share that after Therapy on Tuesday night Chef and I passed three lonely little Protesters outside a tiny branch of US Bank in a residential neighborhood. One was clearly drunk, one was looking bored, and one was yelling angry Anti-Wall Street rhetoric. My 14 year old asks why they were there. We had a brief discussion about the issues at hand and protesting in general. Chef, in the very matter of fact way she sees the world says, "So somehow drinking in front of a closed bank at nine o'clock at night is going to get you a job? What is wrong with people... go home... Oh, and why was his sign so ugly? I mean, he obviously has time on his hands. Couldn't he make a nicer sign?"
I guess when you're 14 the aesthetics of your message are as important as the message itself, *giggle* and she does have a bit of a point. Manning a protest of three (well really 2 and a half since the one dude was so obviously more interested in whatever was in the brown paper bottle he was swiggin' than the injustices of the world) outside a teeny tiny bank in the middle of nowhere isn't going to accomplish much.
2. I got a call at work today. It was a cacophony of screaming and squealing. See... Thing 1 had hidden a book from Thing 2. Thing 2 wanted said book, as well as to raid Thing 1's herb supply. Why? Well obviously is was because Thing 2 intended to perform some kind of magical spell... ??.... confused? Yes I was too. Thing 1 apparently tackled Thing 2 during the whole bizarre exchange and embarrassed Thing 2 in front of a friend.
My answer... "Are you on fire? No... okay. Are you being abducted? No... well that's good. Now go do your homework. Stay out of the freaking Oregano, clean your room, and when that's done you can log onto Netflix and find some movie with teen aged vampires sucking on each other. Don't call me back unless it's an actual emergency. LOOOOOVE YOU!!!"
3. Can someone explain to me why my four kids wait until I'm leaving for work to all bombard me with papers to sign? I ask the night before. I swear I do, and nobody needs me for anything. But by the light of day - and at the point that my car is started and I've got one foot out the door - suddenly everyone need a permission slip to go to the petting zoo, their reading log signed, or a note to excuse them from swimming because my teen aged daughter is under the impression that tampons are the work of the devil.
Some days I just wonder if I'm the only one with a life like this....
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Whore-a-Ween Strikes Again!
I both love and hate this time of year. Halloween is my favorite holiday, but the older my kids get the more stressful it is to shop for Halloween costumes.
The girls costumes that will fit my kids are... hmmm... shall we say it bluntly? WHOREISH! For the love of God people, we live in the Pacific Northwest. In October it's freaking cold as a well digger's ass. Not to mention I simply refuse to send my kids out dressed as: Sexy Kitty, Sexy Witch, Naughty Nurse... or the generic slut costume du jour "Miss Behavin'" *gag*
It's always a fight. The girls see something that appeals to them and I get to be the bad guy. Especially with Lady Bug. That girl is sweet, and I adore her, but her tact and taste level are still in the development stage if you get what I'm saying?!
When did Halloween become about wearing plunging necklines and micro mini skirts with fish net hosiery? And why the hell does every single costume come with fish net pantyhose anyway? What about "Angel", "Cheerleader", "Ghost", or "Fairy" dictates hooker-esque leg wear?
YIKES... this momma can't take much more.... I'm getting some sheets and they all get to be Casper the Friendly Ghost whether they like it or not! Anyone got a spare Burkah or two they want to loan me?
The girls costumes that will fit my kids are... hmmm... shall we say it bluntly? WHOREISH! For the love of God people, we live in the Pacific Northwest. In October it's freaking cold as a well digger's ass. Not to mention I simply refuse to send my kids out dressed as: Sexy Kitty, Sexy Witch, Naughty Nurse... or the generic slut costume du jour "Miss Behavin'" *gag*
It's always a fight. The girls see something that appeals to them and I get to be the bad guy. Especially with Lady Bug. That girl is sweet, and I adore her, but her tact and taste level are still in the development stage if you get what I'm saying?!
When did Halloween become about wearing plunging necklines and micro mini skirts with fish net hosiery? And why the hell does every single costume come with fish net pantyhose anyway? What about "Angel", "Cheerleader", "Ghost", or "Fairy" dictates hooker-esque leg wear?
YIKES... this momma can't take much more.... I'm getting some sheets and they all get to be Casper the Friendly Ghost whether they like it or not! Anyone got a spare Burkah or two they want to loan me?
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
An old man smell...
As we are leaving the in laws house on Sunday Lady Bug and I both step in dog pooh... lovely...
Of course I'm several blocks down the road before we are all gagging and checking our shoes. We find the culprits and get the shoes scrapped off in the grass, but the smell lingered and was HORRID.
My oldest says, "Mom, your car smells like crap" over and over - making really dramatic gagging noises and faces. Unable to take any more I pull over at a little pharmacy run in. I grab the first air freshener I lay my hands on.
It was a black and yellow hibiscus flower and it was called, "Midnight Oasis" or something like that. In case you were wondering - Midnight Oasis smells like funky old man's cologne.
It only took two or three minutes before the oldest pipes up from the backseat again; "Great... now your car smells like an old guy crapped his pants."
This time the gagging and faces were being made by myself. *Sigh...*
Thanks kid....
Of course I'm several blocks down the road before we are all gagging and checking our shoes. We find the culprits and get the shoes scrapped off in the grass, but the smell lingered and was HORRID.
My oldest says, "Mom, your car smells like crap" over and over - making really dramatic gagging noises and faces. Unable to take any more I pull over at a little pharmacy run in. I grab the first air freshener I lay my hands on.
It was a black and yellow hibiscus flower and it was called, "Midnight Oasis" or something like that. In case you were wondering - Midnight Oasis smells like funky old man's cologne.
It only took two or three minutes before the oldest pipes up from the backseat again; "Great... now your car smells like an old guy crapped his pants."
This time the gagging and faces were being made by myself. *Sigh...*
Thanks kid....
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Fraggle Time
BLT went back home to visit his parents and spend time with Fraggle. While he was there he had a long talk with the grandparents about Fraggle coming to stay with us for an extended visit. He also made it clear that this was the first step towards her coming to live with us for good.
They were cooperative. They were receptive. They were actually really supportive! YAY!! We now have a plan. Forward momentum feels SO good! They love Fraggle to death, but they are in their 60's raising a 3 year old. It's exhausting!
BLT is starting school this month. He's going to be taking some networking and computer classes at night so that he can more easily play "I.T." nerd here at work and maintain our network and website for us. We won't be able to get down there for a visit for several months between school and trade shows.
In December BLT, all four of my girls and I will be going down to spend the week of Christmas with BLT's family. When we come back we will bring Fraggle with us for the entire month of January! We are all really excited!
In April Fraggle with have another extended visit with us after the wedding, and we will then decide the best way to transition her here with us full time at that point.
I'm so happy that we're going to all be a family together. Fraggle goes from being an only child to having four siblings. She goes from living in a fairly quiet, adult only home with her grandparents to a busy household of kids and dogs too! It's going to be a transition for everyone.... we know that. Five kids is a lot of work. But it's also a lot of love, a lot of support, and a lot of opportunity for growth for all of us.
Whew... I heard a quote once; "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." That seems to apply here pretty damn well!
They were cooperative. They were receptive. They were actually really supportive! YAY!! We now have a plan. Forward momentum feels SO good! They love Fraggle to death, but they are in their 60's raising a 3 year old. It's exhausting!
BLT is starting school this month. He's going to be taking some networking and computer classes at night so that he can more easily play "I.T." nerd here at work and maintain our network and website for us. We won't be able to get down there for a visit for several months between school and trade shows.
In December BLT, all four of my girls and I will be going down to spend the week of Christmas with BLT's family. When we come back we will bring Fraggle with us for the entire month of January! We are all really excited!
In April Fraggle with have another extended visit with us after the wedding, and we will then decide the best way to transition her here with us full time at that point.
I'm so happy that we're going to all be a family together. Fraggle goes from being an only child to having four siblings. She goes from living in a fairly quiet, adult only home with her grandparents to a busy household of kids and dogs too! It's going to be a transition for everyone.... we know that. Five kids is a lot of work. But it's also a lot of love, a lot of support, and a lot of opportunity for growth for all of us.
Whew... I heard a quote once; "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." That seems to apply here pretty damn well!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Getting the kid to talk
ARRRRGHHHH... *PULL OUT HAIR*....
I'm so damn frustrated with my oldest. We've been working with a therapist for over a year and it's still like pulling teeth to get that kid to discuss anything related to feelings.
It's just so hard. The therapist has made it clear that if Chef doesn't become more forthcoming there is no chance that Chef will get a choice in regards to visitation. Chef will be forced to spend time with X if there is no open dialogue to prove that there is trauma there that needs to be acknowleged and dealt with.
What am I going to do with this kid? It's all, "I'm fine, and everything is okay. I don't want to talk about it." etc. I feel like I can only push so hard before Chef will start to shut me out too. I don't want that to happen. We have a really good relationship, and I don't want to damage that.
This parenting thing is hard sometimes...
I'm so damn frustrated with my oldest. We've been working with a therapist for over a year and it's still like pulling teeth to get that kid to discuss anything related to feelings.
It's just so hard. The therapist has made it clear that if Chef doesn't become more forthcoming there is no chance that Chef will get a choice in regards to visitation. Chef will be forced to spend time with X if there is no open dialogue to prove that there is trauma there that needs to be acknowleged and dealt with.
What am I going to do with this kid? It's all, "I'm fine, and everything is okay. I don't want to talk about it." etc. I feel like I can only push so hard before Chef will start to shut me out too. I don't want that to happen. We have a really good relationship, and I don't want to damage that.
This parenting thing is hard sometimes...
Saturday, July 23, 2011
She called him Daddy
BLT tucked the little ones in tonight, and TNT looked up at him with half closed eyes, and in a shy sleepy voice she said, "I love you... night night daddy..."
BLT looked up at me and he had tears in his eyes.
I think she was testing it out to see how it felt. Several days ago she asked me what she should call BLT now that we were going to be getting married, and I told her that she should call him whatever feels right. I told her to continue to call him BLT if she wants to, that there are no rules about this type of thing.
I think it's sweet, and I know BLT liked it. I have no idea if she'll will continue to call him daddy, or dad... or just go back to BLT. It will be interesting to see what she decides.
BLT looked up at me and he had tears in his eyes.
I think she was testing it out to see how it felt. Several days ago she asked me what she should call BLT now that we were going to be getting married, and I told her that she should call him whatever feels right. I told her to continue to call him BLT if she wants to, that there are no rules about this type of thing.
I think it's sweet, and I know BLT liked it. I have no idea if she'll will continue to call him daddy, or dad... or just go back to BLT. It will be interesting to see what she decides.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Good News / Bad New... Court Edition!
Let's start with the good news. I'm doing a victory dance here - a Jig of Joy, maybe even a little Hula of Happiness! I went to court yesterday, and it really went about as well as could be expected! The judge saw right through all the lies, and excuses. She did not believe for one second that my X is a victim in any way.
She told my X that he doesn't get to disappear from the children's life for two years, and then just expect to walk back into it without any sort of gradual reintroduction. She agrees with my insistence that he needs a mental health evaluation by a clinical therapist with a PhD and experience in Domestic Violence treatment. She mandated that he have therapy, parenting classes, and a batterers treatment program BEFORE he even gets to the point where he can have monitored visitation. She expressed concern that he doesn't seem to understand that what he did was wrong, that he commited domestic violence, and that he has damaged my children. She seemed to understand that as of yesterday he still wasn't accepting any responsibility for his actions, and until he got some help he wasn't going to get access to my children.
The X asked for the following things:
* Residential visitation in his home - DENIED
* Visitation, In his mothers home. Monitored by his Mother - DENIED
* No post conviction requirements, such as therapy or parenting classes - DENIED
* The right to have our phone numbers, address, emails and other contact information - DENIED
* The right to claim the kids as deductions on his taxes (even though he has yet to pay a penny in child support for two years!) - DENIED
* Removal of the Order of Protection on the children - DENIED
*Shared decision making for the children - DENIED
What he did get is the following:
* The ability to start writing his children letters - sent to their therapist for her review, and potential editing before they read them.
* A reduction in child support. She reduced the payment by 14.00 per month. He's paying a pittance as it is - only 100.00 more per month than Ethel's brother pays for his single child, and we have four children! For a man so desperate to see his kids he's sure doing everything within his power to avoid supporting them.
* The judge is making me pay 1/2 of the fee for the Guardian ad Lidem and for 1/2 of his monitored visitation! Why the hell I have to pay half of the fee for HIS visitation and monitoring...when he's the dangerous one who screwed up and went to jail is beyond me!
So that's the long and the short of it. For the most part I got everything I wanted. The kids are safe, the re-introduction will be slow and gradual, and monitored in a professional facility by trained personnel. He will have to pass a Psych evaluation and take some much needed classes. And most importantly, a Guardian ad Lidem is appointed to help investigate and determine what is in the best interest of my kids.
It REALLY sucks that I have to come up with money to pay for half of the GAL and monitoring... especially when I didn't do anything wrong, but if it keeps the kids safe then I don't care if I have to do bikini car washes, scrub toilets, or scoop dog crap in the park to make the 3,000.00 bucks to pay for it. I'll figure it out.
BLT and I decided to scale way back on the wedding plans and use that money instead to help pay for the GAL. It means no fancy triple cheesecakes (we will likely do a simple home made cake), no full plated dinner (appetizers and cocktails instead) and sorry family, but no open bar! I'm going to wait until Easter time and hopefully get the 3 little girls discounted Easter Dresses instead of fancy flower girl dresses. I am considering taking back my wedding dress too... it's a silly expense, and I don't need to spend money on a dress. I'll make my invites, and we won't have a photographer. I'll ask our guests to bring their digital cameras and just email us all the photos they take.
We've also decided that a honeymoon isn't an option. Maybe later in the year we can get away for a day or two once the kids are out of school for the summer. I was thinking that we could keep an eye out for some kind of airline / hotel deal someplace close by for just a weekend, or even drive out of town and find a lovely little bed and breakfast to snuggle into for a few days. Either way... we're patient!
Speaking of money - when it rains it pours it seems. Yesterday when I woke up we found that someone smashed out the window in my car and stole a purse I didn't realize got left inside. Add to that, the dentist just called me. They apparently mis-quoted and billed me incorrectly and I owe them an additional 383.00 for some dental work I had done last week.
LOL...could anyone else possibly need money from me right now? Likely... but they'll just have to stand in line and wait their turn! I remember a saying I once heard someone say about money. "Spend it on what brings you joy, because you can't take it with you when you die!" Nothing gives me more joy and peace than knowing my kids are safe.
BLT and I will still get our happily ever after - it will just be on a smaller scale. This will leave us some money to put towards making sure we get the best GAL possible and make sure the kids are taken care of. I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I mean honestly... we've made it this far. The rest of this should be smooth sailing!
She told my X that he doesn't get to disappear from the children's life for two years, and then just expect to walk back into it without any sort of gradual reintroduction. She agrees with my insistence that he needs a mental health evaluation by a clinical therapist with a PhD and experience in Domestic Violence treatment. She mandated that he have therapy, parenting classes, and a batterers treatment program BEFORE he even gets to the point where he can have monitored visitation. She expressed concern that he doesn't seem to understand that what he did was wrong, that he commited domestic violence, and that he has damaged my children. She seemed to understand that as of yesterday he still wasn't accepting any responsibility for his actions, and until he got some help he wasn't going to get access to my children.
The X asked for the following things:
* Residential visitation in his home - DENIED
* Visitation, In his mothers home. Monitored by his Mother - DENIED
* No post conviction requirements, such as therapy or parenting classes - DENIED
* The right to have our phone numbers, address, emails and other contact information - DENIED
* The right to claim the kids as deductions on his taxes (even though he has yet to pay a penny in child support for two years!) - DENIED
* Removal of the Order of Protection on the children - DENIED
*Shared decision making for the children - DENIED
What he did get is the following:
* The ability to start writing his children letters - sent to their therapist for her review, and potential editing before they read them.
* A reduction in child support. She reduced the payment by 14.00 per month. He's paying a pittance as it is - only 100.00 more per month than Ethel's brother pays for his single child, and we have four children! For a man so desperate to see his kids he's sure doing everything within his power to avoid supporting them.
* The judge is making me pay 1/2 of the fee for the Guardian ad Lidem and for 1/2 of his monitored visitation! Why the hell I have to pay half of the fee for HIS visitation and monitoring...when he's the dangerous one who screwed up and went to jail is beyond me!
So that's the long and the short of it. For the most part I got everything I wanted. The kids are safe, the re-introduction will be slow and gradual, and monitored in a professional facility by trained personnel. He will have to pass a Psych evaluation and take some much needed classes. And most importantly, a Guardian ad Lidem is appointed to help investigate and determine what is in the best interest of my kids.
It REALLY sucks that I have to come up with money to pay for half of the GAL and monitoring... especially when I didn't do anything wrong, but if it keeps the kids safe then I don't care if I have to do bikini car washes, scrub toilets, or scoop dog crap in the park to make the 3,000.00 bucks to pay for it. I'll figure it out.
BLT and I decided to scale way back on the wedding plans and use that money instead to help pay for the GAL. It means no fancy triple cheesecakes (we will likely do a simple home made cake), no full plated dinner (appetizers and cocktails instead) and sorry family, but no open bar! I'm going to wait until Easter time and hopefully get the 3 little girls discounted Easter Dresses instead of fancy flower girl dresses. I am considering taking back my wedding dress too... it's a silly expense, and I don't need to spend money on a dress. I'll make my invites, and we won't have a photographer. I'll ask our guests to bring their digital cameras and just email us all the photos they take.
We've also decided that a honeymoon isn't an option. Maybe later in the year we can get away for a day or two once the kids are out of school for the summer. I was thinking that we could keep an eye out for some kind of airline / hotel deal someplace close by for just a weekend, or even drive out of town and find a lovely little bed and breakfast to snuggle into for a few days. Either way... we're patient!
Speaking of money - when it rains it pours it seems. Yesterday when I woke up we found that someone smashed out the window in my car and stole a purse I didn't realize got left inside. Add to that, the dentist just called me. They apparently mis-quoted and billed me incorrectly and I owe them an additional 383.00 for some dental work I had done last week.
LOL...could anyone else possibly need money from me right now? Likely... but they'll just have to stand in line and wait their turn! I remember a saying I once heard someone say about money. "Spend it on what brings you joy, because you can't take it with you when you die!" Nothing gives me more joy and peace than knowing my kids are safe.
BLT and I will still get our happily ever after - it will just be on a smaller scale. This will leave us some money to put towards making sure we get the best GAL possible and make sure the kids are taken care of. I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I mean honestly... we've made it this far. The rest of this should be smooth sailing!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Girls will be girls
My oldest two girls both wanted to dye their hair. I've been saying no for quite a while now, but I decided what the heck.
They want to express their individuality a bit... so here we are.
One with dark cherry red/burgundy color all over and the other with bright fuchsia streaks in her dark hair. I don't love either one, but the girls seem excited about it.
And what the heck... It's only hair. I did it for them myself so all it cost me was 20 bucks and a couple hours of my time tonight. We had a few glitches, as I am not a trained hair stylist, but we figured it all out with a little patience and in the end, no harm - no foul. Now lets see how long it lasts before they want something new.
I may have started something here, girls can be fickle creatures... but at least they're happy for now!
They want to express their individuality a bit... so here we are.
One with dark cherry red/burgundy color all over and the other with bright fuchsia streaks in her dark hair. I don't love either one, but the girls seem excited about it.
And what the heck... It's only hair. I did it for them myself so all it cost me was 20 bucks and a couple hours of my time tonight. We had a few glitches, as I am not a trained hair stylist, but we figured it all out with a little patience and in the end, no harm - no foul. Now lets see how long it lasts before they want something new.
I may have started something here, girls can be fickle creatures... but at least they're happy for now!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
From the corner of my eye...
From the corner of my eye I saw movement... I looked over my shoulder, and where once stood my little girl a nearly full grown woman looked back at me.
When did that happen? It's a little distressing to be honest.
She's changed so much in the past two years. If her father ever earns back the honor of being in her life he's got a huge surprise in store for him.
She isn't a little girl anymore.
When did that happen? It's a little distressing to be honest.
She's changed so much in the past two years. If her father ever earns back the honor of being in her life he's got a huge surprise in store for him.
She isn't a little girl anymore.
Monday, June 27, 2011
How I "Roll"
According to Ethel's oldest daughter... I shall call her Blue Bird... it is rediculous to think that I would ever harass someone because as she put it; "That's just not how Auntie Lucy rolls."
That cracked me up. I didn't know I "rolled" at all!
That cracked me up. I didn't know I "rolled" at all!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Getting What You Asked For... again.... a.k.a. Karmas a Bitch
So this is a reoccurring theme in my life lately. I really do think, that at some point, one eventually gets what they ask for, or maybe it's just what we deserve. Some claim that Karma steps in, or maybe it's just fruits of one's labors... both positive AND negative. Whatever you want to call it - I've seen this rule in effect many times over the past couple of years.
Well this time ol Karma stepped up and spanked my craptastic X like a wayward child. BOOM BABY... back to the corner! It seems that ol Mr. X asked for a change of venue in an attempt to punish me financially, as well as speed up this ridiculous custody battle he's brought to my doorstep. Well we just got our paper work from the court and court date was set... they can squeeze us in...
are you ready? It's good...
Wait for it....
(yes I'm giggling and rubbing my hands together in fiendish delight)
MAY 2012
I really am laughing my ass off here people. He has to wait nearly a year to even plead his case! See this is what happens when you try to play games with the court. He thought he was SO smart. He thought he could harass me and scare me into signing some b.s. document that gave him access to my kids. He wants custody but refuses to get any mental health treatment, or even acknowledge that he went to jail for a DV charge. He's still trying to convince the court that he's some kind of victim.
So anyway - lots of legal maneuvering this past week has kept me away from my computer. It's exhausting trying to wade through the hundreds of pages of legal documents and respond to all of the allegations, lies, and plain ol' just crazy bullshit that he sends my way. This last packet was over 100 pages. My lawyer was able to get all of the documents from the SWAT team and sheriffs dept. from his arrest. There are emails from his coworkers where they told the HR dept at his place of employment that he was threatening to kill me and himself. This was sent to them in the first week of September. On September 13th he brought that gun to my house and threatened to shoot me. TWO WEEKS he planned it all out, bought the gun etc. Premeditated - clear as day.
There is no way he can continue to claim that the events of that night were a "sudden, rash lapse of judgement with very little forethought" as he's been claiming in his depositions to family court. I have witness statements, the receipt for the gun purchased the week before, and a transcript of the negotiators conversations with him where he admits to being a "planner" and explains he waited all week for the chance to do this.
He's an idiot... and when we get to court next year he'll find out exactly how much the court dislikes both liars, as well as abusers. The kids and I are breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. For the next 11 months he can just cool his jets and wait for his day in court, and the kids and I? Well we are might busy enjoying this life we've built for ourselves. So I'm not going to spend any more time than I have to worrying about this... that's what I'm bankrupting myself by paying my lawyer for. It's her job to deal with all this stuff. The kids and I plan on enjoying our summer.
Karma baby... she's a lover and a hater both...I'm glad I'm on her good side this time!
Well this time ol Karma stepped up and spanked my craptastic X like a wayward child. BOOM BABY... back to the corner! It seems that ol Mr. X asked for a change of venue in an attempt to punish me financially, as well as speed up this ridiculous custody battle he's brought to my doorstep. Well we just got our paper work from the court and court date was set... they can squeeze us in...
are you ready? It's good...
Wait for it....
(yes I'm giggling and rubbing my hands together in fiendish delight)
MAY 2012
I really am laughing my ass off here people. He has to wait nearly a year to even plead his case! See this is what happens when you try to play games with the court. He thought he was SO smart. He thought he could harass me and scare me into signing some b.s. document that gave him access to my kids. He wants custody but refuses to get any mental health treatment, or even acknowledge that he went to jail for a DV charge. He's still trying to convince the court that he's some kind of victim.
So anyway - lots of legal maneuvering this past week has kept me away from my computer. It's exhausting trying to wade through the hundreds of pages of legal documents and respond to all of the allegations, lies, and plain ol' just crazy bullshit that he sends my way. This last packet was over 100 pages. My lawyer was able to get all of the documents from the SWAT team and sheriffs dept. from his arrest. There are emails from his coworkers where they told the HR dept at his place of employment that he was threatening to kill me and himself. This was sent to them in the first week of September. On September 13th he brought that gun to my house and threatened to shoot me. TWO WEEKS he planned it all out, bought the gun etc. Premeditated - clear as day.
There is no way he can continue to claim that the events of that night were a "sudden, rash lapse of judgement with very little forethought" as he's been claiming in his depositions to family court. I have witness statements, the receipt for the gun purchased the week before, and a transcript of the negotiators conversations with him where he admits to being a "planner" and explains he waited all week for the chance to do this.
He's an idiot... and when we get to court next year he'll find out exactly how much the court dislikes both liars, as well as abusers. The kids and I are breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. For the next 11 months he can just cool his jets and wait for his day in court, and the kids and I? Well we are might busy enjoying this life we've built for ourselves. So I'm not going to spend any more time than I have to worrying about this... that's what I'm bankrupting myself by paying my lawyer for. It's her job to deal with all this stuff. The kids and I plan on enjoying our summer.
Karma baby... she's a lover and a hater both...I'm glad I'm on her good side this time!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I don't know how to get rid of all this anger.
Every time I read that vignette my Chef wrote I actually see red. I've stopped crying every time I read it - but this intense anger is almost over powering. I don't know what to do with all this hate. I don't know how to get past this one. I've worked so hard to get through the fear and anger over what my X did to the kids and I when he brought that gun to my house.... this is different though. This feels so much more intense.
I knew in my head that my kids had been damaged by what my X did. But reading those words, written in Chef's own voice is physically painful. My throat starts to close up, and I actually feel my blood pressure rising. It just brought home, on such an elemental level, what she's been through.
It's almost like I could get over what was done to me... but what he's done to my kids is so much worse. I don't know how to let this go.
I knew in my head that my kids had been damaged by what my X did. But reading those words, written in Chef's own voice is physically painful. My throat starts to close up, and I actually feel my blood pressure rising. It just brought home, on such an elemental level, what she's been through.
It's almost like I could get over what was done to me... but what he's done to my kids is so much worse. I don't know how to let this go.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
God, this killed me...
My Ex likes to tell anyone who will listen that he never did anything to hurt our kids. He has declared to the court, the police, therapists, family and friends over and over that he was the victim in all of this and that the kids have no reason to be upset.
This is a draft of my 13 year old's final for Language Arts. She is supposed to write a vignette about a moment in her life that changed her. The spelling is horrible, but hey, that's not Chef's strong point. This is also just her first draft. Reading it was very powerful for me. I cried my eyes out.... it makes me hate that man with a passion I feel for no other living person.
********************************************
People are like oxygen, we need them, they surround us, giving us light and energy. Sometimes that light disappears, and other times, it gets taken away.
He left us in the white van the smell of upholster and rain dampen concrete invading my senses. The sound of the traffic coming by blasted my ears with wanting, wanting to be somewhere, anywhere else. I joke on the outside my sisters young smiling faces making the gnawing fear a little more bearable each second. Until I saw them, they came one by one with packages, big, tall, wrapped up and hiding the deathly thing that lays inside. The sign of the gun shop will always be burned into my mind.
He lays there like nothings wrong, twirling the bullet casing in his fingers like it's all a joke, like it's not something sick and wrong, like it's an innocent toy or play thing. I watch it glint in the sunlight and listen to my sisters sobs, rubbing her back reassuringly, while my mind is trying to stay calm and not hear the words coming out of his mouth. It scared me relentlessly, what he's saying so rationally, about something so wrong.
The gun was loaded, car was ready, alaby set, his footsteps thunder with finality as he walked through the door, and hopefully, out of my life. The clock strikes seven, the days long gone, I still hear those footsteps song as he steps out of the door with finality. I didn't think he could do it, I didn't think he would try, but then again, people aren't always what you think.
This is a draft of my 13 year old's final for Language Arts. She is supposed to write a vignette about a moment in her life that changed her. The spelling is horrible, but hey, that's not Chef's strong point. This is also just her first draft. Reading it was very powerful for me. I cried my eyes out.... it makes me hate that man with a passion I feel for no other living person.
********************************************
People are like oxygen, we need them, they surround us, giving us light and energy. Sometimes that light disappears, and other times, it gets taken away.
He left us in the white van the smell of upholster and rain dampen concrete invading my senses. The sound of the traffic coming by blasted my ears with wanting, wanting to be somewhere, anywhere else. I joke on the outside my sisters young smiling faces making the gnawing fear a little more bearable each second. Until I saw them, they came one by one with packages, big, tall, wrapped up and hiding the deathly thing that lays inside. The sign of the gun shop will always be burned into my mind.
He lays there like nothings wrong, twirling the bullet casing in his fingers like it's all a joke, like it's not something sick and wrong, like it's an innocent toy or play thing. I watch it glint in the sunlight and listen to my sisters sobs, rubbing her back reassuringly, while my mind is trying to stay calm and not hear the words coming out of his mouth. It scared me relentlessly, what he's saying so rationally, about something so wrong.
The gun was loaded, car was ready, alaby set, his footsteps thunder with finality as he walked through the door, and hopefully, out of my life. The clock strikes seven, the days long gone, I still hear those footsteps song as he steps out of the door with finality. I didn't think he could do it, I didn't think he would try, but then again, people aren't always what you think.
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