Every time I read that vignette my Chef wrote I actually see red. I've stopped crying every time I read it - but this intense anger is almost over powering. I don't know what to do with all this hate. I don't know how to get past this one. I've worked so hard to get through the fear and anger over what my X did to the kids and I when he brought that gun to my house.... this is different though. This feels so much more intense.
I knew in my head that my kids had been damaged by what my X did. But reading those words, written in Chef's own voice is physically painful. My throat starts to close up, and I actually feel my blood pressure rising. It just brought home, on such an elemental level, what she's been through.
It's almost like I could get over what was done to me... but what he's done to my kids is so much worse. I don't know how to let this go.