It seems as though it's my lot in life to have partners who travel. Now BLT being away feels totally different than when my X traveled for work - but still, I feel a tad jealous to be honest.
On the outside I'm supportive. I listen to the stories about the restaurants enjoyed, or the schmoozing and the night life activities that come along with business conventions, but deep down I want to shout, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FIVE COURSE GOURMET MEAL.... I MADE GRILLED CHEESE AND SOUP - AGAIN! YOU WENT TO A CONCERT AND A BALL GAME. I SPENT FRIDAY NIGHT PICKING GUM OUT OF A 6 YEAR OLD'S HAIR!"
Does that make me a bad person? I hope not, I know it sounds petty so I bite my tongue, smile, nod, and listen.
When I was married my X traveled Monday - Friday, came home long enough to do his laundry, complain about things I hadn't managed to get done while I was raising the children essentially alone, nag at me about our non-existent sex life, ignore us for awhile and play World of Warcraft, and then repack his clean skivvies and take off for another round of meetings and expensive hotels. I can't remember a single time he ever called to check in on us. He just assumed I had everything under control - and for the most part I did. It burned me though to hear him describe how exhausting his job was, and how horrible it was to be away from home so much. What a freaking phony!
I know it's not all glamorous. I know that it's exhausting sometimes having to be on your A-Game when you're not sleeping well, or you're traveling while not feeling great. And I know, at least for BLT he does genuinely miss the kids and I when he's away. But even knowing all that I would love, just once to trade places. I would love to only be responsible for dressing myself for a week. I would like to be the one in the hotel room with clean sheets, a never ending supply of hot water for the shower, and a newspaper at the door each morning. I would like to be the one ordering meals in restaurants instead of cooking. I would like to be the one who has an excuse to dress in something nicer than my ratty jeans and bleached out David Bowie concert tee. I want someone else to stay home alone with the kids - to go to work all day long, come home at night and make dinner, help with homework, referee arguments, play taxi driver, get everything ready for the next day and then be there to listen to my funny stories about the people I met or the places I ate at.
BLT will be home from another trip in about four hours... and of course I'm looking forward to his return. I miss him very much when he's away - something totally new for me. When my X traveled it was more of a relief. Our marriage was in the toilet and when he was around it was even more stressful. So I'll do my hair, put on a clean shirt, dig the graphite and grime out from under my nails and get my game face on...