I really need to focus more on my health and exercise habits. I've gone back to Weight Watchers and I'm counting my points. I'm only drinking one soda a day... that darn Diet Coke is my one big vice. I don't smoke, I rarely drink alcohol, I don't hook up with random men for anonymous sex... lol... I pretty much have Diet Coke. I do realize however that it's terrible for me and my budget so I'm trying to cut down.
On Tuesday I jogged just under 2 miles on the treadmill in 22 minutes, at lunch. On Wednesday I walked 2.29 miles in about 30 minutes before heading home to make dinner.
So far, so good.
I might even get brave next week and replace the battery in my old bathroom scale. I'm kind of afraid to find out how fat I've gotten.
Showing posts with label Diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diet. Show all posts
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
HCG Diet
I'm considering trying the HCG diet. I need to do some more reasearch... anyone have any experiences they want to share?
I need to loose about 15 pounds before the wedding and I'm having a hell of a time doing it the old fashioned way so I need some assistance.
What do you guys think!?
I need to loose about 15 pounds before the wedding and I'm having a hell of a time doing it the old fashioned way so I need some assistance.
What do you guys think!?
Friday, October 22, 2010
I have a secret
It might just come back to bite me on the ass too. Before I get to the secret let me preface this by sharing that several years ago I looked at myself in a photograph and didn't even recognize who it was. I was fat. There is no kind way to say it... you can call it pudge, or "baby weight" even though my youngest child was two. But the honest truth was I had stopped caring. I stopped trying. I gave up on myself.
I was horrified. The very next day I went to the local weight loss center and joined. I went to the local Target and bought a Leslie Sansone walk away the pounds video. I threw out all the cookies and Snickers bars while crying big fat girl tears. Over the next five months I lost just under 60 lbs.
I felt sexy. I felt powerful and healthy and in control of my life for the first time in ages. I was proud of my body and my effort. I got next to no support or acknowledgement from the X. He refused to participate. He refused to work out with me. He refused to help me eat healthy... in fact he cooked whatever he wanted and ate it in front of me while I noshed on a low calorie lean cuisine for dinner each night.
Now here is where the secret comes in. In an effort to embrace my new body I took nude, semi nude, and down right dirty photos of myself. I masturbated to those photos, reveling in my long legs and flat stomach. They were for me. I loaded them into my photo editing software and created the perfect lighting. I airbrushed out the stray imperfections. They were beautiful to me.
Then during our divorce my X found the photos. He got onto my private computer and downloaded them onto a portable zip drive. He gave them to friends. He showed them to my children and tried to show them to my friends and in-laws.
He took what was private and empowering and he made it dirty and hurtful. I deleted each and every photo. But he has copies. His friends have copies.
I'm sure they're going to surface some time in the future to further humiliate me and be used against me to try and show that I'm a bad mother or immoral somehow.
It's one more thing he ruined for me.
I was horrified. The very next day I went to the local weight loss center and joined. I went to the local Target and bought a Leslie Sansone walk away the pounds video. I threw out all the cookies and Snickers bars while crying big fat girl tears. Over the next five months I lost just under 60 lbs.
I felt sexy. I felt powerful and healthy and in control of my life for the first time in ages. I was proud of my body and my effort. I got next to no support or acknowledgement from the X. He refused to participate. He refused to work out with me. He refused to help me eat healthy... in fact he cooked whatever he wanted and ate it in front of me while I noshed on a low calorie lean cuisine for dinner each night.
Now here is where the secret comes in. In an effort to embrace my new body I took nude, semi nude, and down right dirty photos of myself. I masturbated to those photos, reveling in my long legs and flat stomach. They were for me. I loaded them into my photo editing software and created the perfect lighting. I airbrushed out the stray imperfections. They were beautiful to me.
Then during our divorce my X found the photos. He got onto my private computer and downloaded them onto a portable zip drive. He gave them to friends. He showed them to my children and tried to show them to my friends and in-laws.
He took what was private and empowering and he made it dirty and hurtful. I deleted each and every photo. But he has copies. His friends have copies.
I'm sure they're going to surface some time in the future to further humiliate me and be used against me to try and show that I'm a bad mother or immoral somehow.
It's one more thing he ruined for me.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
God I was a bitch today
I have to admit that I was feeling so put out and bitchy today, I know I wasn't pleasant to be around.
I can blame the heat. Or the fact that my kids called me six times at work screaming and fighting on the phone expecting me to play referee. I can blame my former in-laws for continuing to piss me off. Or the bank for making it impossible for me to get my X off my automobile title without jumping through the most ridiculous steps. (Honestly, why do they need proof of the weight of my car to print a new title with just my name on it? Why the hell does how much it weighs affect anything?)
I suppose I have plenty of fairly legitimate reasons to feel pissed off at the world, and I think in some ways it was a combination of all those things. But it wasn't any one thing that triggered this enormous melt down.
I saw myself in one of those bank camera / tv things today and I look fat. Like REALLY fat. I've gained back 20 pounds of the 60 I lost several years ago. I can't believe I'm letting myself go... I'm slipping back to that hideous mess I was. And you know what? I was pissed at myself.
Then add in the phone calls, the heat, the bullshit with the bank and POW... mega bitch mode kicks in.
I have had a headache since two o'clock this afternoon. I need to just take a cool shower and go to bed. Maybe I'll be nicer to myself and everyone else in the morning light.
I can blame the heat. Or the fact that my kids called me six times at work screaming and fighting on the phone expecting me to play referee. I can blame my former in-laws for continuing to piss me off. Or the bank for making it impossible for me to get my X off my automobile title without jumping through the most ridiculous steps. (Honestly, why do they need proof of the weight of my car to print a new title with just my name on it? Why the hell does how much it weighs affect anything?)
I suppose I have plenty of fairly legitimate reasons to feel pissed off at the world, and I think in some ways it was a combination of all those things. But it wasn't any one thing that triggered this enormous melt down.
I saw myself in one of those bank camera / tv things today and I look fat. Like REALLY fat. I've gained back 20 pounds of the 60 I lost several years ago. I can't believe I'm letting myself go... I'm slipping back to that hideous mess I was. And you know what? I was pissed at myself.
Then add in the phone calls, the heat, the bullshit with the bank and POW... mega bitch mode kicks in.
I have had a headache since two o'clock this afternoon. I need to just take a cool shower and go to bed. Maybe I'll be nicer to myself and everyone else in the morning light.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Support... I has it...
In several ways I'm feeling quite supported these days;
1. My parents are going to help me make ends meet since DHSH cut off all my benefits. This is financial support they really can't afford to give, but they're going to tighten their own budget up and between us we'll make it work.
2. My Weight Watchers meeting got canceled as of tonight. Our tiny town doesn't have enough members to make it worth it, so they gave us some bullshit line about needing more support and merging meeting places. The closest meeting to me is now an hour drive each way. My mother didn't blink. She said we will figure it out and that it's more time to spend together! She knows this is important to me so she's willing to make that sacrifice with me.
3. BLT stuck up for my kids big time tonight. Someone from a local church came by the house while we were gone. They hit my kids up for a "donation" and my 2 oldest children, feeling pressured and not knowing what else to do gave them the money they had. The group left a video for the kids to watch about their mission / religion and all that. BLT used the information on the video to contact the church and inform them in no uncertain terms that it is completely inappropriate to take money from 11 and 13 year olds. He told them that they were not welcome near our home again, and if they come back we'll call the police. I mean honestly ... What kind of grown adult takes money from a child?
4. I had a good boob day. I'm normally a "barely B" cup. For one week a month I go up one full cup size and I actually have cleavage! I strap these little apples into one of my A cup bras and BOOM BABY - where's my v-neck sweater?
5. My oldest made dinner for all of us tonight. She did laundry, cleaned up, and ended up making some amazing roasted pork and rice pilaf. She's such a blessing!
1. My parents are going to help me make ends meet since DHSH cut off all my benefits. This is financial support they really can't afford to give, but they're going to tighten their own budget up and between us we'll make it work.
2. My Weight Watchers meeting got canceled as of tonight. Our tiny town doesn't have enough members to make it worth it, so they gave us some bullshit line about needing more support and merging meeting places. The closest meeting to me is now an hour drive each way. My mother didn't blink. She said we will figure it out and that it's more time to spend together! She knows this is important to me so she's willing to make that sacrifice with me.
3. BLT stuck up for my kids big time tonight. Someone from a local church came by the house while we were gone. They hit my kids up for a "donation" and my 2 oldest children, feeling pressured and not knowing what else to do gave them the money they had. The group left a video for the kids to watch about their mission / religion and all that. BLT used the information on the video to contact the church and inform them in no uncertain terms that it is completely inappropriate to take money from 11 and 13 year olds. He told them that they were not welcome near our home again, and if they come back we'll call the police. I mean honestly ... What kind of grown adult takes money from a child?
4. I had a good boob day. I'm normally a "barely B" cup. For one week a month I go up one full cup size and I actually have cleavage! I strap these little apples into one of my A cup bras and BOOM BABY - where's my v-neck sweater?
5. My oldest made dinner for all of us tonight. She did laundry, cleaned up, and ended up making some amazing roasted pork and rice pilaf. She's such a blessing!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Good News / Bad News / No News
1. Good News: X is totally, 100% unable to sue me. First of all his lawyers filed a notice that they are no longer representing him - and since he's out of money, he no longer has his 500.00 per hour bulldogs to do his bidding from jail Second, since the kids are still protected by a no contact order I am under absolutely no obligation to tell him anything... so go suck an egg Mr. X!! If you want to make my life difficult from prison you'll have to beg, borrow, or steal another retainer, hire another law firm, and start from scratch. Since you're possibly the laziest creature that ever walked this planet I'm not going to loose sleep over your threats any longer!
2. Bad News: I gained WAY more weight that I was thinking. Three years ago I lost nearly 60 lbs using the Weight Watchers system, and I kept it off really well until my life went to shit a year ago. I've gained back 21 lbs, and I'm not happy about it. So back to WW I go. I knew all my clothes were too tight, but holy shit, I didn't realize I gained that much.
Tracking today has kept me honest, and here I am after dinner with 6 pts left for the day, which means I can have my beloved light popcorn or maybe a little low fat ice cream later when I'm watching TV with BLT and I get the munchies.
3. No News: Still no word about the 401K funds. My lawyer is looking into it for me, and I just have to be patient and let her do her job. Ugh... I suck at the whole patience thing.
2. Bad News: I gained WAY more weight that I was thinking. Three years ago I lost nearly 60 lbs using the Weight Watchers system, and I kept it off really well until my life went to shit a year ago. I've gained back 21 lbs, and I'm not happy about it. So back to WW I go. I knew all my clothes were too tight, but holy shit, I didn't realize I gained that much.
Tracking today has kept me honest, and here I am after dinner with 6 pts left for the day, which means I can have my beloved light popcorn or maybe a little low fat ice cream later when I'm watching TV with BLT and I get the munchies.
3. No News: Still no word about the 401K funds. My lawyer is looking into it for me, and I just have to be patient and let her do her job. Ugh... I suck at the whole patience thing.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Gotta get my butt in gear
I've been putting on weight the past few months. I'm not eating particularly well and I slowed WAY down on the running / exercise since moving in May. I'm spending time working on the house, or playing with the kids, or - lets be honest - snuggling in bed with BLT watching movies. I'm not complaining, those are all fantastic things, but I hate how I'm looking these days, I have no energy, and my clothes don't fit anymore.
All I know is the clothing that either fit a few months ago, or was roomy is T-I-G-H-T.. and I don't have the budget or the desire to purchase bigger duds.... so what's a girl to do?
I can step up the exercise, cut back the calories and hope for the best I guess. I've contemplated joining Weight Watchers online. I went to WW several years ago and lost about fifty lbs. I've kept it off really well until recently. I figure in the past six months I've gained a minimum of 15-20 lbs...it's just packing on faster than you can imagine!!
I know that WW works for me, because I do well with the whole tracking and list making thing. Also, when I'm accountable for weighing in I tend to do better than when I'm left to my own devices.... the down side however is that the closest meeting to me (I live in the boonies) is about an hour away and they only offer one meeting choice a week.
So... should I attempt it on my own for awhile and see if I can keep at the good choices and exercise on my own? Or just say "hell with it" and do what I know works for me?
One way or another this extra padding is coming off. I refuse to let all that hard work I did before go to hell and have to start over. I'm getting a handle on this situation right now. I've been telling myself for two months, "okay, on Monday you'll start your diet" and then Monday rolls around and we end up BBQing and I overeat. Then Tuesday comes and we go out for dinner and I give in and share a dessert with the kids. Wednesday I'll go running, and Thursday we'll have something delish like pasta and garlic bread for dinner, or I'll hit the bakery with the kids and have a scone and latte for breakfast. I'll run on Friday - but then go for late drinks and appetizers with BLT for "date night", and the weekends are always a free for all - lol, no time to exercise and we end up either eating out or grilling burgers or steaks - Gosh I'm hungry thinking about it.
I don't over indulge every day, but enough that it's catching up to me. I'm only getting a run in about twice per week, I'm just so dang busy, and after work there is a hundred and one things to do at home...excuses, excuses, I know.
I just need to make myself take a little walk at lunch and then have some fruit and something light... skip the pastry for breakfast and stick with my old friend the banana and hard boiled egg combo. More water, less diet soda. I know what to do, it's just getting my ass motivated to do it. Also, no more excuses.... I need to run three days per week and get some other kind of exercise in a couple other days. I have a membership to my local club. They are open until 7pm, I can go do some reps of light weights, or walk on the treadmill, or get my flabby gut toned up with some crunches...something.
So here is me, making myself accountable. I will give it a week or so on my own, but if I'm not successful then I'm going to join WW again. Summer is upon us and I want to look the way I did last year!
All I know is the clothing that either fit a few months ago, or was roomy is T-I-G-H-T.. and I don't have the budget or the desire to purchase bigger duds.... so what's a girl to do?
I can step up the exercise, cut back the calories and hope for the best I guess. I've contemplated joining Weight Watchers online. I went to WW several years ago and lost about fifty lbs. I've kept it off really well until recently. I figure in the past six months I've gained a minimum of 15-20 lbs...it's just packing on faster than you can imagine!!
I know that WW works for me, because I do well with the whole tracking and list making thing. Also, when I'm accountable for weighing in I tend to do better than when I'm left to my own devices.... the down side however is that the closest meeting to me (I live in the boonies) is about an hour away and they only offer one meeting choice a week.
So... should I attempt it on my own for awhile and see if I can keep at the good choices and exercise on my own? Or just say "hell with it" and do what I know works for me?
One way or another this extra padding is coming off. I refuse to let all that hard work I did before go to hell and have to start over. I'm getting a handle on this situation right now. I've been telling myself for two months, "okay, on Monday you'll start your diet" and then Monday rolls around and we end up BBQing and I overeat. Then Tuesday comes and we go out for dinner and I give in and share a dessert with the kids. Wednesday I'll go running, and Thursday we'll have something delish like pasta and garlic bread for dinner, or I'll hit the bakery with the kids and have a scone and latte for breakfast. I'll run on Friday - but then go for late drinks and appetizers with BLT for "date night", and the weekends are always a free for all - lol, no time to exercise and we end up either eating out or grilling burgers or steaks - Gosh I'm hungry thinking about it.
I don't over indulge every day, but enough that it's catching up to me. I'm only getting a run in about twice per week, I'm just so dang busy, and after work there is a hundred and one things to do at home...excuses, excuses, I know.
I just need to make myself take a little walk at lunch and then have some fruit and something light... skip the pastry for breakfast and stick with my old friend the banana and hard boiled egg combo. More water, less diet soda. I know what to do, it's just getting my ass motivated to do it. Also, no more excuses.... I need to run three days per week and get some other kind of exercise in a couple other days. I have a membership to my local club. They are open until 7pm, I can go do some reps of light weights, or walk on the treadmill, or get my flabby gut toned up with some crunches...something.
So here is me, making myself accountable. I will give it a week or so on my own, but if I'm not successful then I'm going to join WW again. Summer is upon us and I want to look the way I did last year!
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