I've been thinking a lot about what my X's motivation is for the things that he does, and more so lately for the things that he doesn't do.
The family court judge told my X that he was supposed to write letters to the kids for 60 days. The goal of these letters (PLURAL) was to reintroduce himself to the children in a non threatening way, and to establish some level of communication. He sent one letter.
The judge said that a GAL (Guardian Ad Lidem) was to be agreed upon and hired within 30 days, or the first available GAL who met specific criteria was to be hired. It's been over 2 months and my X is still stalling, and arguing over who that GAL will be. He is refusing to work with the GAL appointed by the court. He presented the option of a male GAL which just won't work. We present option 2 and he claims she's too expensive.... the man who hasn't had to pay a dime in child support in two years, who's legal bills are all paid for by his mommy, who lived with said Drama Momma once he got out of jail, and who's debts were cleared for him while he sat in jail so he could start fresh upon his release... ya, that guy is now complaining about having to pay half of the GAL fee.
I'm responsible for paying the other half. And raising the kids. And paying for my therapy for what he did to us. I'm the one drowning in debt and fielding calls from collection agents looking for money for the debts dumped in my lap by both the divorce and his incarceration. Do you see me playing games with the GAL? No. Just the poor "victim" of an Ex-Husband I'm stuck with.
He says he wants to see his children. He writes long weepy declarations to the court about how his children have been poisoned against him, and how he's harassed by my family and by myself. He wears this mantle of victimization proudly and whines incessantly that he's financially strapped.
I don't understand what he's trying to achieve. If it was actually to see his kids wouldn't he be writing the letters, getting the court required therapy, and working like hell to get the GAL appointed?
If he was trying to save money wouldn't he avoid going back and forth to family court and dragging this out?
If he was trying to punish me wouldn't he realize that being in my life and in the kids life is the true punishment? That by dragging this out we're all actually HAPPIER because we don't have to deal with him directly?
I hate not understanding what his goal is. I don't know how to anticipate his next move. I can't prepare myself or my kids for whats to come, because I don't have any clue what he's trying to accomplish... and that makes me anxious.
Trying to understand the inner workings of a crazy man's mind is surely going to make me crazy too!