Good News / Bad News

Good and bad news keeps flowing my way. In the ebb and flow of life I can't really say if the tide is in or out...if I'm up or down. I am a little lost in the whirl, and I feel like I'm rowing a tiny boat in a great, big turbulent ocean.

Last week I got good news about the money I need... this week I hear that it will take at least two weeks for the check to "clear" according to the X's lawyers. So they won't send me my money until after the first of next month. I'm sorry...it's more stall tactics, it doesn't take anyone two weeks to get a check to clear in this day and age. It's total bullshit and it makes me very angry that they are still trying to manipulate and/or punish me through financial means.

Good news this week... Soon I'll officially be a DIVORCED WOMAN!! My X's mother finally grew a pair and told her psycho son that she wouldn't pay for this divorce to to go court. None of us can afford it. I sent him a very reasonable offer...he told his mother he refused to sign any offer that included him having monitored visitation... monitored visitation is going to be mandatory due to the fact that HE IS A CONVICTED FELON OF A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ASSAULT WITH A GUN!! And yes, yes I am yelling.

I'm so fed up with his excuses, his manipulations, his absolute refusal to see the truth in any given situation. The fact that his desire to punish me outweighs his desire to care for his children infuriates me to no end.

Well his lawyers must have made his see that he will have no choice in the matter, or maybe it's just the fact that mommy cut him off financially - finally. I don't care what it is, the fact of the matter is that he counter-offered and I accepted.

The kicker is that his offer was a simple rewording of my offer. He only changed one tiny thing, which I think is perfectly fair. I accepted in a heart-beat and told my lawyer to get the paperwork started immediately.

I'm terrified, absolutely terrified that he'll change his mind and retract the offer, if that's even legal, and I'll have gotten my hopes up for nothing. I won't be able to sleep until I know for sure it's a done deal. I want to have my relationship severed from him for good, and I'll be able to feel like I can move on with my life once that's done. I'll really be free.

So good news is I'll be getting the lion's share of the retirement fund in lieu of child support while he's in the pokey. Bad news is that it will take several months for the company to pay that out, and I'll loose 30% in early withdrawal penalties, another 25% in taxes... I'll get less than half of what the amount is. Which sucks ass, but even that 45% can be used to pay off more of my debt, can get some things for the house we really need, can get the kids summer clothes and hopefully have enough left over for school supplies come next fall and a new windshield for my poor car.

It's been a bumpy ride this week, and it didn't help that I worked very long, very busy days and came home too exhausted both emotionally and physically to do any exercising at all.

I think I'll get up in the morning and take a nice jog in the sunshine. I need the release, and the exercise, and the peace and quiet after this roller coaster I've been on!