Thursday (tomorrow) I'll be back in court asking the judge to remove the X's rights to send the kids further letters, and to extend their order of protection for another year.
The children have discussed the letters with their therapist, and all on their own decided that they don't wish to receive any further correspondence from him. I did not make any attempt to influence their decision in any way and I excused myself from the room while they discussed it with the Dr. so that they could be totally honest and not worried about my feelings or opinions.
The two older kids came home and wrote letters for the judge- reading their words broke my heart in a way I didn't think was possible. I thought I had cried all my tears and raged all that I could. I was quite wrong.
I'm so very angry, and sad, and confused. How can anyone do this to someone they love - much less their own children? How is it possible to be so selfish? In my oldest child's letter I learn something new. Apparently their father told them that everyone had to choose sides. That Ethel and Fred chose my side - and all daddy's friends and co-workers chose his side, and that they too had to choose sides. Who does that to a child? How do you rationalize to yourself that it's okay to make a child choose between their parents?
It's one more episode of him having no appropriate boundaries, no common sense, and no sense of decency where they are concerned. The momma bear in me wants to gather them up and protect them at all costs - but there are laws and procedures that have to be followed, and some things are not within my control. That kills me inside a little.
So, if you're inclined to prayer, positive thoughts, or good mojo then please keep us in mind. There's no way I'll sleep tonight. I'm just trying not to become overcome with panic, anger and grief right now.