Yesterday was my father's birthday dinner. He said he didn't want anything too elaborate.
I decided to take a suggestion Ethel made a while ago and run with it. I made up a baked potato bar. I baked up about 16 nice large russet potatoes. Then I set out steamed broccoli, different cheeses, butter, sour cream, chives, bacon bits, salsa, little sausage bits, and several other toppings.
I also made a large green salad, set out some fresh berries and grapes, and served my dad's favorite seven layer dip and chips for an appetizer while I got dinner ready.
It was a hit. He was a very happy man! There was carrot cake for dessert, cards and gifts were opened, and BLT even got him a six pack of his favorite non-alcoholic beer (due to his Lupus meds my dad had to give up all alcohol... and he misses his beer. We found him his favorite brand in a non alcoholic version!) to enjoy with dinner.
I think we all had a good time. My house is spic and span clean from the party prep, and I made one of the people I love most in the world very happy. I'll call that a success!
Showing posts with label Fathers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fathers. Show all posts
Monday, March 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Back to Court
Thursday (tomorrow) I'll be back in court asking the judge to remove the X's rights to send the kids further letters, and to extend their order of protection for another year.
The children have discussed the letters with their therapist, and all on their own decided that they don't wish to receive any further correspondence from him. I did not make any attempt to influence their decision in any way and I excused myself from the room while they discussed it with the Dr. so that they could be totally honest and not worried about my feelings or opinions.
The two older kids came home and wrote letters for the judge- reading their words broke my heart in a way I didn't think was possible. I thought I had cried all my tears and raged all that I could. I was quite wrong.
I'm so very angry, and sad, and confused. How can anyone do this to someone they love - much less their own children? How is it possible to be so selfish? In my oldest child's letter I learn something new. Apparently their father told them that everyone had to choose sides. That Ethel and Fred chose my side - and all daddy's friends and co-workers chose his side, and that they too had to choose sides. Who does that to a child? How do you rationalize to yourself that it's okay to make a child choose between their parents?
It's one more episode of him having no appropriate boundaries, no common sense, and no sense of decency where they are concerned. The momma bear in me wants to gather them up and protect them at all costs - but there are laws and procedures that have to be followed, and some things are not within my control. That kills me inside a little.
So, if you're inclined to prayer, positive thoughts, or good mojo then please keep us in mind. There's no way I'll sleep tonight. I'm just trying not to become overcome with panic, anger and grief right now.
The children have discussed the letters with their therapist, and all on their own decided that they don't wish to receive any further correspondence from him. I did not make any attempt to influence their decision in any way and I excused myself from the room while they discussed it with the Dr. so that they could be totally honest and not worried about my feelings or opinions.
The two older kids came home and wrote letters for the judge- reading their words broke my heart in a way I didn't think was possible. I thought I had cried all my tears and raged all that I could. I was quite wrong.
I'm so very angry, and sad, and confused. How can anyone do this to someone they love - much less their own children? How is it possible to be so selfish? In my oldest child's letter I learn something new. Apparently their father told them that everyone had to choose sides. That Ethel and Fred chose my side - and all daddy's friends and co-workers chose his side, and that they too had to choose sides. Who does that to a child? How do you rationalize to yourself that it's okay to make a child choose between their parents?
It's one more episode of him having no appropriate boundaries, no common sense, and no sense of decency where they are concerned. The momma bear in me wants to gather them up and protect them at all costs - but there are laws and procedures that have to be followed, and some things are not within my control. That kills me inside a little.
So, if you're inclined to prayer, positive thoughts, or good mojo then please keep us in mind. There's no way I'll sleep tonight. I'm just trying not to become overcome with panic, anger and grief right now.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The Daddy Day Dilema
I'm torn over what to do about the kids and their dad for father's day. The three youngest have all said they want to either make or buy their dad a fathers day card and send it to him at the prison. I'm not sure if it's just me being spiteful, or what, but the idea of spending my hard earned money on over priced greeting cards for my kids to send that piece of crap just makes my throat close up in anger.
Plus, to be honest, he's a crappy father. He was uninterested, uninvolved, and usually fairly cold to them. Why they even WANT to send him a card I don't know. I mean, I guess even a crappy father - if it's the only father you've ever known - is something to cherish. He was the "good time dad" when he was in town. He took them to movies or the video game store, or the book store - places he wanted to go. They did enjoy that. He just couldn't tell you who their doctors or dentists were, what their school teacher's name was, or what their after school schedules were. Anything fun and easy he was game for... but this is the man who said, "I can't watch the kids and clean the house at the same time. If you leave then you come home to a mess, deal with it!" For the love of Baby Jesus, what did he think I did every single day?
Anyway...so it irks me that they miss him as much as they do. Like somehow his love has more value because it's absent than all my hard work, sacrifice, and dedication to those kids. It's like they don't even see the ten hour days I put in to keep them fed and clothed, the fact that I'm so tired when I drive home I nearly drifted off and ran my damn car into a ditch on Thursday... jolting awake at the last minute. When I got home I caught a 40 minute cat nap before getting up, gathering up the brownies and Italian casserole I baked the night before and heading out to the pre-k end of the year "graduation" and pot luck event at the preschool. All of that is just a given... but he pulls a gun on me and goes to jail and they pine away for his love and attention.
I just don't get it.
It's been two weeks since the divorce was final and he hasn't yet written the kids any letters. I don't think he actually will. Lady bug wrote him a basic, "I love you, and I miss you daddy" letter telling him about her new hair do, and the fact that she got her braces off." I won't let her give him any personal information about where we live now. I also made her give the letter to his mother so she can mail it off for her. I'm not even spending the money on the stamp to inform that bastard what's going on in the lives of his kids. Plus I don't want it postmarked from my town.
If he doesn't write her back it's going to break her heart. I had a little talk with her about how you can love someone, but accept their faults at the same time. That if she didn't get a letter back it's not a reflection of her - there is nothing wrong with her, but that her dad doesn't always follow through with things, and I just don't want her pinning all her hopes and dreams on him writing letters, and then getting out in nine more months and turning into super dad. It's going to be hard, inconvenient, and likely expensive for him to get monitored visitation with his children. I'm rather doubtful he'll follow through. Now his mommy will likely do it all for him and eventually he'll get his visitation - but not because he got off his lazy butt and did any of the leg work himself. (That part I kept to myself of course, no use telling the children negative things like that about him... eventually his true colors will show through, and as always I'll be there to pick up the pieces and dry the tears)
I know all of this makes me sound petty, and angry, and bitter. And you know what? I am. I'm angry as hell some days - and I'm just not sure how to let go of that yet.
Plus, to be honest, he's a crappy father. He was uninterested, uninvolved, and usually fairly cold to them. Why they even WANT to send him a card I don't know. I mean, I guess even a crappy father - if it's the only father you've ever known - is something to cherish. He was the "good time dad" when he was in town. He took them to movies or the video game store, or the book store - places he wanted to go. They did enjoy that. He just couldn't tell you who their doctors or dentists were, what their school teacher's name was, or what their after school schedules were. Anything fun and easy he was game for... but this is the man who said, "I can't watch the kids and clean the house at the same time. If you leave then you come home to a mess, deal with it!" For the love of Baby Jesus, what did he think I did every single day?
Anyway...so it irks me that they miss him as much as they do. Like somehow his love has more value because it's absent than all my hard work, sacrifice, and dedication to those kids. It's like they don't even see the ten hour days I put in to keep them fed and clothed, the fact that I'm so tired when I drive home I nearly drifted off and ran my damn car into a ditch on Thursday... jolting awake at the last minute. When I got home I caught a 40 minute cat nap before getting up, gathering up the brownies and Italian casserole I baked the night before and heading out to the pre-k end of the year "graduation" and pot luck event at the preschool. All of that is just a given... but he pulls a gun on me and goes to jail and they pine away for his love and attention.
I just don't get it.
It's been two weeks since the divorce was final and he hasn't yet written the kids any letters. I don't think he actually will. Lady bug wrote him a basic, "I love you, and I miss you daddy" letter telling him about her new hair do, and the fact that she got her braces off." I won't let her give him any personal information about where we live now. I also made her give the letter to his mother so she can mail it off for her. I'm not even spending the money on the stamp to inform that bastard what's going on in the lives of his kids. Plus I don't want it postmarked from my town.
If he doesn't write her back it's going to break her heart. I had a little talk with her about how you can love someone, but accept their faults at the same time. That if she didn't get a letter back it's not a reflection of her - there is nothing wrong with her, but that her dad doesn't always follow through with things, and I just don't want her pinning all her hopes and dreams on him writing letters, and then getting out in nine more months and turning into super dad. It's going to be hard, inconvenient, and likely expensive for him to get monitored visitation with his children. I'm rather doubtful he'll follow through. Now his mommy will likely do it all for him and eventually he'll get his visitation - but not because he got off his lazy butt and did any of the leg work himself. (That part I kept to myself of course, no use telling the children negative things like that about him... eventually his true colors will show through, and as always I'll be there to pick up the pieces and dry the tears)
I know all of this makes me sound petty, and angry, and bitter. And you know what? I am. I'm angry as hell some days - and I'm just not sure how to let go of that yet.
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