It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Even when you win you lose

At least that's how it felt today. It's still a little too raw to go into all the details, but I'll hit on the high and low lights of the day.

1. I found out his mother and the X both wrote declarations to the court. In the X's he called the kids liars. Nicely legally worded of course, but the gist of it is that the man called his children liars. He claimed that he never said anything inappropriate to the children and never discussed suicide with them.

I questioned both of them again and they both gave me the same basic details, but in their own words. My 11 year old cries every time we discuss it, she can't fake this level of grief and fear. I'm their mother, I know their heart, I know when they lie.... they are telling the truth and that rat bastard perjured himself to make himself look better.

2. In an attempt to ambush me and make me feel weak his Mother, Father (who up until this moment has been totally uninvolved so why show up now?) and his Step Father all showed up en masse in court to object on his behalf. They have ZERO legal say in this and were told flat out that they don't have to like it, it's going to happen anyway.

My mother and Bestie, Ethel , ran into his Mommy Dearest in the ladies room and gave me advanced warning so I wasn't taken by surprise. No words were shared between us and I kept my back to them the entire time. There is no chance for any kind of decent relationship between us now... I've tried too many times to keep the peace and have had them shit all over me time and time again. I'm not putting myself or the kids through that anymore. They picked a side. They want to excuse the X's psychotic behavior, want to call myself and my children liars, and want to support his delusions and finance his crazy attempts to have access to the kids he's damaged so much.

3. So I "won" in that the restraining order was granted and all letters will go to the kids therapist who will decide when/and if it's ever in their best interest to have them. But I had to question my kids honesty to be sure (I hate that I had to do that, I had no doubts but I wanted to cover all bases)

The judge said, "it only makes sense that the restraining order stays in effect until he can get out of jail and all the appropriate steps are taken to follow the parenting plan."

But you know what? I still feel like a loser. I feel like the kids have lost out more than anyone else. A crazy father, grandparents who call you a liar and don't care about your safety, a truck load of emotional and trust issues, and their sense of security.


  1. Ugh. Such an all around crappy situation. But you know what? Remind yourself that the situation is necessary because of the choices that your ex is making. If he had made different choices, then the situation would be entirely different. All you're doing is protecting your children from HIS decisions.


  2. Ya do what ya gotta do to protect you & yours. Glad to hear thee restraining order was extended. The counselor getting all the letters is a good thing too - now you can get a professional, unbiased opinion of the content.

    Hang in there, you're doing great!

  3. I am so glad the Judge extended the restraining order. I just so sorry you and esp the kids are having to go thru this. How can those grandparents not see what this is doing to them? Hang in there sweety, you know you are doing your best for them and kids are very resilient..they will come out of this OK.

  4. Oh my goodness, sweetie. Soo much to say about all of this.

    You are doing right by your children. Know that.

    And come here, I have a big, long hug for you. You're ok, they're ok, it will all be ok, OK?

    Love to you and yours.

  5. Sometimes there are just no winners. However, I think that your kids are so lucky to have you as a role model, loving protector and guide.

    I never doubted the truth of what your girls said about the suicide discussion. He is a sick, sick bastard.

    Love you,

  6. Thank you all for your support. Sometimes you just really need to hear that you're not doing the wrong thing.

    I have so many questions and doubts sometimes. I want to do the best for my kids. I just don't always know what that is.

    Ugh... I thought this was going to get easier with time. It just gets stranger.