Therapy for the kids and I is going well. It's hard for me to hear their pain described in their own words - but it's so beneficial for all of us.
Chef has discussed her self inflicted vomiting and the use of continued self harm to manipulate people with her therapist, and I've seen a big improvement with her attitude and a reduction in the number of angry silent bouts of depression.
Lady Bug is working with the therapist to try and decide if she even wants to see or have contact with the X when he's released. Not that she'll have much of a say - but for her own piece of mind and mental health she should come to a decision to alleviate all this anxiety. She feels better knowing that it's okay and normal to feel conflicted. It's okay for her to still love her dad, but to be afraid of him and disappointed in him. It doesn't make her a bad kid. She really struggles with that.
My own therapy is more exhausting than anything else. I'm working on retraining my body and mind to not have a huge adrenaline rush every time something startling happens. It's like my body goes to instant "fight or flight" at the slightest provocation. I've been told it's a pretty typical PTSD symptom, but that I can re-train my body to react differently.
I head back to court the first week in November. I mentioned in an earlier post that I'm trying to remove his rights to send letters to the kids, and to extend the Order of Protection for another year. This will allow him to get out of jail, and then have 7 months to get his life together, and to get some counseling of his own before he has access to the kids. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to get mental health treatment - I mean the kids and I are all getting help, why shouldn't the person who caused all this be required to do the same? I'm hoping the court sees the wisdom in this request.
Part of me is very worried because his uber pricey law team requested a continuance in order to "formulate their rebuttal". What in the word could they possibly rebut? I have the threatening letter he sent, there is proof that he's refused all mental health counseling while in prison. He made threats to take the children and disappear on several occasions. I can't imagine what they possibly have up their sleeves, and that not knowing makes me nuts.
I guess all I can do is show up and plead my case to the best of my ability and pray for the best.