It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Standing up for myself

I can be pretty forceful when I need to be. I don't like it though- I have the classic oldest daughter syndrome that makes me want to please everyone, to smooth the waters, to make people happy with me.

I've just been pushed too far by the former in-laws however. I couldn't take it any more. His mother has spent the past year and a half excusing his behavior. Hell - she spent his entire life doing that. She has supported him financially, excused his poor behavior, his crazy choices, and his down right dangerous denial of his responsibility. She butted into my divorce when I asked her not to. She discussed the X with my children when I expressly forbid her to do so.

Having her show up in court and write a "poor him" letter to the court talking about how important it was for him to regain a father-daughter relationship with his kids, even when it's not in their best interest of my kids, was absolutely the LAST straw. I'm done.

She enabled him, once again, to perjure himself to the court. In effect she stood by while he called his children liars. I will not have a woman like that around my children. She chose to stand by her sweet baby psycho at the cost of my kids so now she'll just have to live with having a very minimal influence in their lives.

Today a difficult call was made. I told her that I'm changing all our personal cell phone numbers. She can reach me at work Monday through Friday. I told her that we no longer have a relationship. We no longer have any reason to speak with each other. She can see the kids but it will be on my terms, and in a limited capacity.

Both my therapist and the kids' have expressed the opinion that it's not in any of our best interest to continue this relationship in it's current state. So I'm changing the rules.

I am so angry and frustrated. I didn't want it to come to this. I went out of my way to try and keep things friendly. I overlooked and forgave them time and time again. But I've seen the grief on my children's faces when they've told me stories about what the X said and did in those days leading up to the crime. I can not forgive her for enabling him to call my children liars.

I'm hoping I did the right thing. There will be some serious repercussions I'm sure. The grandparents were paying for Lady Bug's full time, tuition based Kindergarten. I have no idea how I'll pay for that. She may have to change to a part time - free class if there is room. Out of anger they very well could give their bull dog lawyers free reign to make my life hell.

I did what I think is best... yes, partially out of anger and resentment, but I'm sure that we all will benefit in the end. The in-laws need to face the consequences of their choices. The kids and I need to be surrounded by people who truly support us. It doesn't seem like those two can take place at the same time.


  1. Ugh. I'm sorry you're going through this. What a shitty situation. But you know what? Good for you for standing up for yourself. It can be a tough thing while it's happening, but you (and your kids) will be better for it in the long run.


  2. I think it was a move long in coming :(. Just be secure in knowing that you've done what you needed to do for the kids. If the situation changes you can certainly change with it and adjust the rules.

    Hang in there!

  3. G.G. makes a good point - if the situation changes you can adapt to it - in either direction. Glad things have gone as well as they have so far - - -

  4. Wow. Thinking of you and standing in awe at your strength. Ya know what? It'll all work out.

    It always does.