My OBGYN doesn't want me to continue to use the depo shot as birth control. Actually they want me to stop all forms of birth control that use hormones. You see my mother and one of her sisters both had serious blood clots due to hormones when they were in their mid 30's.
Now that I've past the "mid" part of this decade they worry about the side effects. The 20 lbs I gained in the past year and a half being on the shot isn't making me happy either. It doesn't seem to matter how much I jog and walk I can't seem to get this weight off - an obnoxious side effect of the depo I'm told.
SOOOO... my doc wants me to consider two options. Either a long term IUD or getting my tubes tied. The IUD will likely cause heavy bleeding during my cycle - uhhh, no thanks, YUCK. The tubal is, of course permanent. The IUD can be done at my local planned parenthood and won't cost too much. The tubal isn't covered by my insurance and will cost a lot.
What's crazy is that I know BLT doesn't want any more kids. I know I can barely afford to raise the four I have. I know that I loved being pregnant, and the idea of a little one with BLT kind of makes me all mushy and girly inside. I know that I'm getting too old to have a safe pregnancy. I know I don't want to be in my 50's before my youngest child is out of house. I know all of this...but it still feels so FINAL, know what I mean?
So I'm trying to decide what to do. I have this irrational fear that I'll do something permanent and then BLT and I won't make it. What if sometime in the future I'm in a position where the man in my life really wants to have a baby? I mean, it doesn't change my age, or the fact that I have four kids already... and I rationally know this. So what's my problem? Maybe I'm just crazy?
Why is this such a hard decision to make?