It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Trying to make a big decision

My OBGYN doesn't want me to continue to use the depo shot as birth control. Actually they want me to stop all forms of birth control that use hormones. You see my mother and one of her sisters both had serious blood clots due to hormones when they were in their mid 30's.

Now that I've past the "mid" part of this decade they worry about the side effects. The 20 lbs I gained in the past year and a half being on the shot isn't making me happy either. It doesn't seem to matter how much I jog and walk I can't seem to get this weight off - an obnoxious side effect of the depo I'm told.

SOOOO... my doc wants me to consider two options. Either a long term IUD or getting my tubes tied. The IUD will likely cause heavy bleeding during my cycle - uhhh, no thanks, YUCK. The tubal is, of course permanent. The IUD can be done at my local planned parenthood and won't cost too much. The tubal isn't covered by my insurance and will cost a lot.

What's crazy is that I know BLT doesn't want any more kids. I know I can barely afford to raise the four I have. I know that I loved being pregnant, and the idea of a little one with BLT kind of makes me all mushy and girly inside. I know that I'm getting too old to have a safe pregnancy. I know I don't want to be in my 50's before my youngest child is out of house. I know all of this...but it still feels so FINAL, know what I mean?

So I'm trying to decide what to do. I have this irrational fear that I'll do something permanent and then BLT and I won't make it. What if sometime in the future I'm in a position where the man in my life really wants to have a baby? I mean, it doesn't change my age, or the fact that I have four kids already... and I rationally know this. So what's my problem? Maybe I'm just crazy?

Why is this such a hard decision to make?


  1. I had my tubes tied back in the summer. If you want the gory physical details, drop me an email and I'll tell you all about it.

    I know what you mean about the feeling of permanence. I thought about that, too. CBG was very upfront from the beginning about not wanting any more kids - at all. I know that I'm not in a place where having more kids makes sense, either. Factors like my age and wanting to have my life back (even a little bit) won't change whether CBG and I make it or not.

    I thought about what you mentioned - what if he and I don't make it and the I meet someone who wants kids? I reasoned that with every passing year, the odds of that happening are going to decrease. I also thought about what was best for me - and realized that not having more kids makes the most sense, no matter who I am with. If I end up with someone else who doesn't understand that, then he's not going to be the right man for me.

    I also know what you mean about feeling all warm and girly inside at the thought of more kids. I feel the same way, too. And before making the decision I had to let go of those feelings and quietly, just for a little while, mourn the fact that I'll never be pregnant again (which I also loved).

    It's not a small decision - it should be tough. But for what it's worth, I feel no regret after having made my decision. Having my hormones go back to normal has been GREAT! And not worrying about an unplanned pregnancy is worth a lot, too.

    Good luck with making your decision. It's not an easy one.


  2. Go with the IUD...I have had one for trouble at all----you can always get your tubes tied if you aren't happy with the IUD.

  3. My old GF had a copper IUD put in. She said that it wasn't too bad to have put in and that it helped her moods by not having to take birth control pills... If your BLT is "long" in size, he may hit it on occasion. I know that I could feel hers in certain positions. Other than than. I thought it was a good alternative to depending on monthly birth control.
    Good luck with your decision, Do what's best for YOU!

  4. I have had the IUD for almost a year now. I had a bit of cramping the first few months, but nothing since.

    I've found it easier to go temporary than permanent, so good luck. :-)

  5. I'll confess. In spite of recent moaning & groaning I've done, I am rapidly approaching 52. The missus & I had kids relatively early (I was 25 when our oldest was born) and I gotta say, we are really enjoying being relatively young and child free. Both our boys were out of college before we hit 50.

    Anyhow. Rather than you worrying about birth control, since BLT doesn't want more kids, would he consider a vasectomy? Quick procedure, not near as bad as some guys make it sound, and it's way easier than anything a woman has to do for a permanent solution.

    Solves a problem now, leaves your options open for the future, and if BLT goes nuts & decides he wants a kid, adopt.