Reciprocity
— n , pl -ities
1. reciprocal action or relation
2. a mutual exchange of commercial or other privileges
[C18: via French from Latin reciprocus reciprocal ]
I've been thinking a bit about this fancy little word for the past few days. See, it all started because a friend of over 20 years recently informed me that she would not be able to attend my Bridal Shower because... get this...
It's a doozy...
SHE HAS TO COOK, AND CLEAN HER HOUSE, SO HER LIVE IN WASTREL OF A BOYFRIEND CAN HOST WRESTLE-MANIA THAT NIGHT.
Yes folks I am getting ditched at my Bridal Shower so her useless, a-hole of a boyfriend doesn't have to clean up his own home, or feed his own friends. Not to mention that he can't possibly manage to watch their two children while he and the Bro's are watching grown men in UnderRoos oil up and swing each other around by the crotch.
I'm sure you can tell by my pleasant tone and turn of phrase that I'm upset. I'm downright pissed to be exact. I feel really let down, and I'm just shocked that she's not going to be there for me. BLT and Ethel both knew right away what it was. It's not just disappointment at one of my oldest friends bailing out of my shower it's the fact that if the roles were revered I would move heaven and Earth to be there for her shower. I would call in favors for baby sitting if I had to. I would pay a house cleaner if it was really necessary (but really ... do you think any of those guys is giving her china cabinet the white glove once over? I highly doubt it.) And I would tell the ol' boys to order some pizza, and BYOB if they want drinks. I would NEVER blow her off for something so trivial.
And that's what hurts. It's not a priority to her. You hope that if you are a good friend, when it counts your friends will be there for you as well. In this instance there is no reciprocity and she doesn't even get that I'm insulted. Keeping that lazy, good for nothing jack-wagon from bitching at her is a higher priority than celebrating with me, my daughters, and all our nearest and dearest friends.
Honestly I'm not sure how I get over this one. Maybe it sounds silly to the rest of you? I admit that BLT doesn't think it's as big of a deal as I do - but I feel so totally insulted. I told Ethel that the next time this person invites me over to do anything I'll have to tell her that I can't attend because there is a Hillbilly Hand Fishin' marathon on TLC I just can't miss....
Frustrated,
Lucy
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Adapting, Changing, Growing, Learning
It's crazy how many times I've logged into the the ol' blog here and started to put all my thoughts into words, only to have it all fizzle out. I start out with a bang and slowly it gets convoluted and mixed up, and turns into nothing but a ramble of jubbled gobbly-goo with no message - no clear progression of thought. And so I hit the delete key and say, "I'll try another day. " Only the next time I put fingers to keys it still doesn't produce that witty blog post I've been hoping for.
Maybe it's writers block, maybe it's that I've lost the zest for railing about the ills of my former marriage and the trials of single parenting - especially since I'm not "single" anymore in any sense of the word. For the first time in my adult life I have a partner - and I feel totally fullfilled in that relationship. Not too many people want to hear about your bliss. Anger, frustration, and drunken mishaps are ever so much more amusing! :)
I don't have any funny quips about dating to share - no inside tips on couponing, tutorials on making your own homemade deodorant from baking soda and evergreen needles or home decor ideas (lets be honest, picking the socks and barbie shoes off the stairs is my method of decorating!) so I'm not sure if I have anything of any real value to write about these days.
What does one share when things are going right? If anyone cares my wedding is in 39 days... yep... April 28th BLT and I are tieing the ol Knot at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast location in the mountains. I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am at the same time. Wedding plans are progressing nicely. Invites were mailed and RSPV's are arriving. We even received a wedding gift in the mail - I was so surprised I squeeled! The dress is being altered as we speak, and a suit ordered for BLT. Flower girl dresses were sewn by my mom and I. I built a cup cake tower. We wrote our own vows. I picked out vintage gifts for my future in laws and sisters. And I planned a surprise bachelor party for BLT back home with his best dude friends - he has no idea! It'll be GREAT!
How about legalities? The GAL was finally appointed and finished up her report just last week. As expected she recommends that my Ex go through a significant amount of therapy - alone and with the children later - before he's allowed any access. So full custody and all decision making for the children stay with me. WHEWWWW... I assumed that would be the case, but damn it's great to see it in writing. Now we just have to go to court for the final parenting plan to be written. Easier said than done since the X is still full on crazy as the Mad Hatter and won't agree to anything. So the fight goes on.... and lets be honest, I fully anticipate that the fight with him will go on until my last daughter turns 18. So a bit over ten years of dealing with his rediculous accusations, and being hauled into court on his whim. I'm still trying to navigate a relationship with my former in-laws for the sake of the kids. It's hard, and sometimes it hurts so bad my heart breaks in a way I could never have anticipated. I wanted to divorce the man - not the entire family system I had grown to know and love over the years. Some days I cry a lot. Some days I can be pragmatic and understand that everything changes and all I can do is adapt.
I guess that's the theme of this post... adapting. The blog, like me, is having growing pains. All around me life is changing. I'm getting married, my kids are growing up, my X isn't growing up. I'm navigating a new relationship with former family members. Our company is growing and work is busier than ever (thank God!) All around me there are opportunities to either accept this new life and change, or to desperately cling to what is known and comfortable. I'm choosing to adapt.
Maybe it's writers block, maybe it's that I've lost the zest for railing about the ills of my former marriage and the trials of single parenting - especially since I'm not "single" anymore in any sense of the word. For the first time in my adult life I have a partner - and I feel totally fullfilled in that relationship. Not too many people want to hear about your bliss. Anger, frustration, and drunken mishaps are ever so much more amusing! :)
I don't have any funny quips about dating to share - no inside tips on couponing, tutorials on making your own homemade deodorant from baking soda and evergreen needles or home decor ideas (lets be honest, picking the socks and barbie shoes off the stairs is my method of decorating!) so I'm not sure if I have anything of any real value to write about these days.
What does one share when things are going right? If anyone cares my wedding is in 39 days... yep... April 28th BLT and I are tieing the ol Knot at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast location in the mountains. I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am at the same time. Wedding plans are progressing nicely. Invites were mailed and RSPV's are arriving. We even received a wedding gift in the mail - I was so surprised I squeeled! The dress is being altered as we speak, and a suit ordered for BLT. Flower girl dresses were sewn by my mom and I. I built a cup cake tower. We wrote our own vows. I picked out vintage gifts for my future in laws and sisters. And I planned a surprise bachelor party for BLT back home with his best dude friends - he has no idea! It'll be GREAT!
How about legalities? The GAL was finally appointed and finished up her report just last week. As expected she recommends that my Ex go through a significant amount of therapy - alone and with the children later - before he's allowed any access. So full custody and all decision making for the children stay with me. WHEWWWW... I assumed that would be the case, but damn it's great to see it in writing. Now we just have to go to court for the final parenting plan to be written. Easier said than done since the X is still full on crazy as the Mad Hatter and won't agree to anything. So the fight goes on.... and lets be honest, I fully anticipate that the fight with him will go on until my last daughter turns 18. So a bit over ten years of dealing with his rediculous accusations, and being hauled into court on his whim. I'm still trying to navigate a relationship with my former in-laws for the sake of the kids. It's hard, and sometimes it hurts so bad my heart breaks in a way I could never have anticipated. I wanted to divorce the man - not the entire family system I had grown to know and love over the years. Some days I cry a lot. Some days I can be pragmatic and understand that everything changes and all I can do is adapt.
I guess that's the theme of this post... adapting. The blog, like me, is having growing pains. All around me life is changing. I'm getting married, my kids are growing up, my X isn't growing up. I'm navigating a new relationship with former family members. Our company is growing and work is busier than ever (thank God!) All around me there are opportunities to either accept this new life and change, or to desperately cling to what is known and comfortable. I'm choosing to adapt.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
And a Fraggle Makes Five!
One of the major developments during my month long blog-cation (see how I did that, mixed the word blog with vacation... oh ya... this is some FINE writing here) was that BLT's little one, Fraggle, came to stay with us for nearly the full month.
Five kids in the house - well five GIRLS to be exact - makes for a busy, loud, drama filled house. Everyone got along really well, don't get me wrong. But girls are just emotional creatures, LOUD, giggling, singing, drama queens. It worked out great though, and she slid into place as the baby of the family with very few bumps in the road. As my good friend and mother of six always jokes - "When you have another kid it's just one more box of macaroni and cheese!" Having a preschooler in the house again was fun. It's a good thing I have a giant, vintage claw foot tub though, because the three youngest ones always wanted to hop in the bubble bath together! It gave me serious baby fever though. I looked at BLT at one point and said... come on baby... just one more?
Poor guy looked like I asked him to re roof the house naked in a snow storm. He was not impressed with my suggestion. Deep down I know he's right... hell it's not even deep down. I just plain ol' know it's not going to happen!
It was amazing having the whole family together for an extended period of time. We are convinced now, more than ever, that once the GAL is done and we have a final parenting plan in place with my X that we'll move forward with bringing Fraggle to live with us full time. It's the right thing to do. Her mother is nowhere in the picture and she's primarily raised by aging grandparents. They've done a great job and are loving grandparents - but he's her daddy and the deal has always been that he would have primary custody once it was possible. So, now it's possible. Fraggle gets instant siblings - whom she adores, so it's a win-win situation in my opinion.
So now we've officially got our own Girls Volleyball Team - I think they need a name. We already have the idiot pugs for mascots. Give the girls half a chance and they'll have them in jerseys. YIKES!
Five kids in the house - well five GIRLS to be exact - makes for a busy, loud, drama filled house. Everyone got along really well, don't get me wrong. But girls are just emotional creatures, LOUD, giggling, singing, drama queens. It worked out great though, and she slid into place as the baby of the family with very few bumps in the road. As my good friend and mother of six always jokes - "When you have another kid it's just one more box of macaroni and cheese!" Having a preschooler in the house again was fun. It's a good thing I have a giant, vintage claw foot tub though, because the three youngest ones always wanted to hop in the bubble bath together! It gave me serious baby fever though. I looked at BLT at one point and said... come on baby... just one more?
Poor guy looked like I asked him to re roof the house naked in a snow storm. He was not impressed with my suggestion. Deep down I know he's right... hell it's not even deep down. I just plain ol' know it's not going to happen!
It was amazing having the whole family together for an extended period of time. We are convinced now, more than ever, that once the GAL is done and we have a final parenting plan in place with my X that we'll move forward with bringing Fraggle to live with us full time. It's the right thing to do. Her mother is nowhere in the picture and she's primarily raised by aging grandparents. They've done a great job and are loving grandparents - but he's her daddy and the deal has always been that he would have primary custody once it was possible. So, now it's possible. Fraggle gets instant siblings - whom she adores, so it's a win-win situation in my opinion.
So now we've officially got our own Girls Volleyball Team - I think they need a name. We already have the idiot pugs for mascots. Give the girls half a chance and they'll have them in jerseys. YIKES!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Are you there blog... It's me Lucy....
Long time no see huh?
I needed a hiatus. I needed to get through the Holidays and the madness that post holiday fatigue bring to my life. I needed to focus on all the GAL bullshit that's infiltrated every corner of our lives.
The past month has brought a bit of frustration, a few tears, lots of joy, lots of fun, and LOT checked off my "to do" list. I started the PINK method diet... go ahead and google it, I'm too lazy to link this morning. I was told the first two weeks I was grumpy. I don't recall being grumpy, but it's certainly not impossible - I was going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
There is wedding prep galore going on around the BLT & Lucy abode. We are making tissue pomanders, getting dresses fitted, and trying to find a suit for BLT. Mostly though we are just worrying how we'll pay for it all. I calculated that over 45 thousand dollars, my entire life savings and a chunk borrowed from my parents, has been spent in 2 1/2 years trying to get divorced from my gun toting X and to ensure the kids safety. GAL fees are currently what is sucking me dry - and there's no end in sight. I have to fight to prove to the court why I shouldn't be financially responsible for HIS monitored visitation and court ordered therapy... REALLY?? No child support for two years while he's in jail for trying to shoot me and I'm responsible for his therapy? How the (insert filthy expletive here) is that even fair? Anyway... I digress... that's a whole different post I'm sure. For now, lets continue to catch up shall we?
Taxes are done - that's another big weight off my mind. I'll be able to give it all to my parents to start paying back the above mentioned loan. It's a drop in the bucket - but every bit counts, and my pride won't let me keep money - even to pay for the wedding - if I owe them. It's just not right to buy stuff for myself if I still owe them, know what I mean? I couldn't live with myself.
So I apologize for my long absence. I haven't read my favorite blogs even to keep up with everyone. I've just sort of tuned out and focused all my attention on the kids, the bills, and BLT. But I'm ready to rejoin the land of living...
Say Hi and let me know if anyone is still out there! :)
I needed a hiatus. I needed to get through the Holidays and the madness that post holiday fatigue bring to my life. I needed to focus on all the GAL bullshit that's infiltrated every corner of our lives.
The past month has brought a bit of frustration, a few tears, lots of joy, lots of fun, and LOT checked off my "to do" list. I started the PINK method diet... go ahead and google it, I'm too lazy to link this morning. I was told the first two weeks I was grumpy. I don't recall being grumpy, but it's certainly not impossible - I was going through serious caffeine withdrawal.
There is wedding prep galore going on around the BLT & Lucy abode. We are making tissue pomanders, getting dresses fitted, and trying to find a suit for BLT. Mostly though we are just worrying how we'll pay for it all. I calculated that over 45 thousand dollars, my entire life savings and a chunk borrowed from my parents, has been spent in 2 1/2 years trying to get divorced from my gun toting X and to ensure the kids safety. GAL fees are currently what is sucking me dry - and there's no end in sight. I have to fight to prove to the court why I shouldn't be financially responsible for HIS monitored visitation and court ordered therapy... REALLY?? No child support for two years while he's in jail for trying to shoot me and I'm responsible for his therapy? How the (insert filthy expletive here) is that even fair? Anyway... I digress... that's a whole different post I'm sure. For now, lets continue to catch up shall we?
Taxes are done - that's another big weight off my mind. I'll be able to give it all to my parents to start paying back the above mentioned loan. It's a drop in the bucket - but every bit counts, and my pride won't let me keep money - even to pay for the wedding - if I owe them. It's just not right to buy stuff for myself if I still owe them, know what I mean? I couldn't live with myself.
So I apologize for my long absence. I haven't read my favorite blogs even to keep up with everyone. I've just sort of tuned out and focused all my attention on the kids, the bills, and BLT. But I'm ready to rejoin the land of living...
Say Hi and let me know if anyone is still out there! :)
Thursday, December 22, 2011
I'm THAT Auntie!
Yep, I'm THAT Auntie. The kind that spoils your kid and sends them home. The one that feeds them candy and chocolate milk, lets them stay up late watching Disney movies, orders pizza, and sings Katie Perry songs with them at the top of her lungs while we make chocolate chip pancakes!
No lie... my nieces love me! The three year old calls me Auntie Num-Nums.
For my oldest niece's 12th birthday I decided that a little kid torture would be fun! Her mom told me she needed minutes for her cell phone. I bought a Verizon Card and wrapped it in paper, and then cardboard, and more paper, and then some corrugate, then a couple boxes, and more layers of gift wrap.
12 layers deep! The outside box was huge - about 3 foot square. Every couple of layers there was a note "not done yet", "keep going", "do you feel the love?" LOL... all the grown ups were cracking up, and she was shooting me looks that said, "YOU ARE TOTALLY NUTS!!" It was wonderful.
The kids and I also made her a dozen candy flowers inside a candy vase. Everything was edible and very, very cute. She loved it!
So after sugaring her up sufficiently I went home and left my Sister In Law to deal with the messy parenting part. Whooo Yahhh - I love love love being an Auntie. Of course when my SIL does the same for my kids I think, for just a brief second, that payback is a bitch. But hey... it's our job to spoil them. Moms and Dad's get to do the serious stuff!
No lie... my nieces love me! The three year old calls me Auntie Num-Nums.
For my oldest niece's 12th birthday I decided that a little kid torture would be fun! Her mom told me she needed minutes for her cell phone. I bought a Verizon Card and wrapped it in paper, and then cardboard, and more paper, and then some corrugate, then a couple boxes, and more layers of gift wrap.
12 layers deep! The outside box was huge - about 3 foot square. Every couple of layers there was a note "not done yet", "keep going", "do you feel the love?" LOL... all the grown ups were cracking up, and she was shooting me looks that said, "YOU ARE TOTALLY NUTS!!" It was wonderful.
The kids and I also made her a dozen candy flowers inside a candy vase. Everything was edible and very, very cute. She loved it!
So after sugaring her up sufficiently I went home and left my Sister In Law to deal with the messy parenting part. Whooo Yahhh - I love love love being an Auntie. Of course when my SIL does the same for my kids I think, for just a brief second, that payback is a bitch. But hey... it's our job to spoil them. Moms and Dad's get to do the serious stuff!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Life gets in the way of all my plans
I'm sure you understand what I mean! Isn't that the case for everyone? At least for those of us who are not independently wealthy, living a life of ease? Where oh where is that nanny? Has anyone seen my Chef?
I was hoping to update my blog several times over the past few weeks, and each time I sat down I was inundated with things to do - wedding things, kid things, work commitments, emails, Christmas projects... you name it.
Now it's nearly Christmas, and I'm getting ready to head out of town to celebrate with BLT's family. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of shopping, wrapping, and packing to get gifts send UPS to the future in-laws. Once that was accomplished I needed to focus on my niece's 12th birthday, as well as my annual holiday cookie party.
I love this time of year, but occasionally I have to remind myself that these things are supposed to be fun - they aren't supposed to be stressful. I have to sit back, take a breath, and let some things go. I tend to aim for perfection and beat myself up if we don't fit in every event, every party, every tradition. As the kids have gotten older I've found it harder and harder to keep up. This year all that stress was multiplied by the knowledge that upon our return in January we will be facing a visit from our GAL to do a home study and discuss my X with the children. She's trying to determine what their interest is in seeing him, and whether or not they are emotionally ready for that to happen. It's an incredibly stressful idea - the thought that someone is coming into your home to interview your children, poke around, and make judgements on your abilities.
I had wanted to go to Zoo Lights. I wanted to get holiday portraits taken. I wanted to bring cookie baskets to our fire house. I wanted to make Christmas cards. None of those things were accomplished. Hell, I only got a Christmas tree put up on the 16th because the Cookie Party was happening that weekend and I wanted the house to look somewhat festive! At this point I'm going to be rushing like mad for the next two days to get the four kids hair cut (to avoid looking like small homeless people when we are introduced to BLT's extended family for the first time) to finish up the laundry and pack up our bags, to deliver the idiot dogs to Ethel for doggy-sitting, packing up the car, and cleaning out the fridge so we don't leave food to go bad for the next couple weeks.
I did manage to get my snow tires installed, and get the kids to bathe the rotten dogs - which I know Ethel appreciates!
So it appears that the Nanny has permanently run off with the Chef - so I better get to that long "to do" list before I end up even farther behind!
I was hoping to update my blog several times over the past few weeks, and each time I sat down I was inundated with things to do - wedding things, kid things, work commitments, emails, Christmas projects... you name it.
Now it's nearly Christmas, and I'm getting ready to head out of town to celebrate with BLT's family. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of shopping, wrapping, and packing to get gifts send UPS to the future in-laws. Once that was accomplished I needed to focus on my niece's 12th birthday, as well as my annual holiday cookie party.
I love this time of year, but occasionally I have to remind myself that these things are supposed to be fun - they aren't supposed to be stressful. I have to sit back, take a breath, and let some things go. I tend to aim for perfection and beat myself up if we don't fit in every event, every party, every tradition. As the kids have gotten older I've found it harder and harder to keep up. This year all that stress was multiplied by the knowledge that upon our return in January we will be facing a visit from our GAL to do a home study and discuss my X with the children. She's trying to determine what their interest is in seeing him, and whether or not they are emotionally ready for that to happen. It's an incredibly stressful idea - the thought that someone is coming into your home to interview your children, poke around, and make judgements on your abilities.
I had wanted to go to Zoo Lights. I wanted to get holiday portraits taken. I wanted to bring cookie baskets to our fire house. I wanted to make Christmas cards. None of those things were accomplished. Hell, I only got a Christmas tree put up on the 16th because the Cookie Party was happening that weekend and I wanted the house to look somewhat festive! At this point I'm going to be rushing like mad for the next two days to get the four kids hair cut (to avoid looking like small homeless people when we are introduced to BLT's extended family for the first time) to finish up the laundry and pack up our bags, to deliver the idiot dogs to Ethel for doggy-sitting, packing up the car, and cleaning out the fridge so we don't leave food to go bad for the next couple weeks.
I did manage to get my snow tires installed, and get the kids to bathe the rotten dogs - which I know Ethel appreciates!
So it appears that the Nanny has permanently run off with the Chef - so I better get to that long "to do" list before I end up even farther behind!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Lost and Found
In the past few weeks I have misplaced and/or just flat out lost...
My Kindle
My Favorite Purse
My Left Jogging Shoe
My Phone Charger
My Green Travel Mug Lid
I have found...
My Kindle
My Favorite Purse (The Kindle was Inside)
My Stack of Birthday Cards I Bought To Mail Out (didn't even know those were lost)
My Favorite Perfume For Sale.. I thought it was discontinued
The Perfect Bridesmaid Shoes
That darn phone charger and coffee lid are problematic to be sure though... and I'm really sure my jogging shoe just got shoved to the deep dark reaches under my bed. I'll have to send a small child under there to root it out!
I am more than a bit worried however that they'll finally find my vibrator I lost six months or so ago. After a rather fun evening with BLT that sucker has not been seen again, and I think in the heat of the moment it fell off and then under the bed, but I've wiggled under there as far as I can and I haven't been able to see it.
Dang it... neither the jogging shoes, nor my toy were inexpensive... They better turn up!
My Kindle
My Favorite Purse
My Left Jogging Shoe
My Phone Charger
My Green Travel Mug Lid
I have found...
My Kindle
My Favorite Purse (The Kindle was Inside)
My Stack of Birthday Cards I Bought To Mail Out (didn't even know those were lost)
My Favorite Perfume For Sale.. I thought it was discontinued
The Perfect Bridesmaid Shoes
That darn phone charger and coffee lid are problematic to be sure though... and I'm really sure my jogging shoe just got shoved to the deep dark reaches under my bed. I'll have to send a small child under there to root it out!
I am more than a bit worried however that they'll finally find my vibrator I lost six months or so ago. After a rather fun evening with BLT that sucker has not been seen again, and I think in the heat of the moment it fell off and then under the bed, but I've wiggled under there as far as I can and I haven't been able to see it.
Dang it... neither the jogging shoes, nor my toy were inexpensive... They better turn up!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)