It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I thought we were okay...

I don't know what's going on. I'm so confused. BLT seems to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and he's been short with me and cranky all day.

I was going to take all of us out to have Mexican food for dinner and on the way home he said, "do you really think that's a good idea?" and he explained that he felt bitchy and cranky. So even though I'm exhausted I went to the store and picked stuff up, came home and made dinner. I brought in the groceries by myself, and he came down to inform me he was going to run to the store to get a beer.

Well that was an hour ago. No call to say where he's going or when he'll come back.

What the hell flew up his butt? What did I do? There's a part of me that's been waiting around, holding my breath for something like this to happen. For him to wake up one day and decide this is all just not worth it. I'm not worth it.... my kids are small hellions on occasion, and with one sick, one who's erupted into a snarky tween it's not always fun around here. I get that.

On one hand I can't blame him. I'm scared of my life some days, it's too much to handle for me, and I'm their mother, how can I expect ANYONE to want this?

Yesterday I felt so very loved and I'm just confused, and honestly I'm scared he's finally come to his senses. Add to that the weight I've gained recently and, well... I just feel like shit tonight.


  1. **GIANT HUGS**

    Ya know, I would imagine this has very little to do with you at all.

    I don't agree with the disappearing act. I would definitely let him know that he can communicate with you better than that if he needs a little space.

    But if that's what he needs, breathe easy and know that he'll come back and share with you once he feels settled again.

    You'll be fine. Take care of you. Love yourself, don't blame yourself.

    And love him through it too, as best as you can.

  2. Hang in there, sweetie. There could be many, many things going on with him right now. Don't automatically jump to the worst possible conclusion.

    As T said, love yourself, and do your best to love him, too.