It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Sometime you just need to cry

I'm not even sure why I needed to cry a bit today. It wasn't as if I received terrible news, or I hurt myself, or anything particularly dramatic happened. I received a phone call at work from my former mother in law. She wanted to tell me the "rules" for the girls to send letters and/or pictures to their father in jail.

Apparently the pictures and cards they sent couldn't get to him because they had more than one layer and the crayon was "too thick". Apparently you can smuggle drugs into the jail this way...who knew? I mean, honestly, that was information I could have gone my whole life without knowing.

She also wanted to try and organize the pick up / delivery of my children at the end of July for a wedding they were asked to participate in (but of course I'm persona non grata since it's his side of the family) so that kind of made me sad too, since I'm quite fond of his cousin.

Anyway, the whole thing just got to me. It's like, well... I don't know, like I can't believe that this is what my life has come to; telling my children the rules for sending mail to their father in jail. It's crazy to me that I have to meet my former in laws in a neutral meeting place to trade my children back and forth because I can't tell them where we live, knowing that she'll do anything for her baby boy, including telling him where we are living.

I guess it just gets to me sometimes. I'm happy - I really am. I love BLT more than I have words to accurately describe. I adore the town I live in, and the my house is amazing - it's the house of my dreams. I like my job, my parents are close by and involved - which is wonderful because my X had alienated them for so many years I had really missed having them around. My kids are happy and healthy, and I'm blessed with wonderful friends.

So why would I shed a tear? I have no clue. I'm not normally a crier at all, I do it very rarely and almost never in front of anyone else. But BLT, in that amazing way of his, must have known that I was stressed out. He came over to me, pulled me close, and just held onto me while I cried for a little bit.

Not long, not loud... but big soft tears all over the crook of his neck. A few kisses and a big strong hug were what I needed, and I didn't know it until just then.

Nobody has ever understood me like he does. Sometimes better than I understand myself.

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