He's sleeping beside me, which in itself kind of pisses me off. We've had our first real "issue" so to speak and he's not nearly as upset by it as I am.
I'm insulted to be honest. In the middle of making love I realize he's not touching me really, his hands have fallen to his side, then I realize all of a god damned sudden he's FALLEN ASLEEP. For the love of God. I'm riding him like a Christmas Pony and he's snoring... ya... snoring.
I get off him, and go have a shower. When I come back in he kind of wakes up and asks me what I'm doing? I tell him not to talk to me, that I'm insulted and embarrassed. I mean shit, if he doesn't want me what the fuck is he doing in my bed?
We discuss it a little, he's more amused than anything else, and doesn't see why I'm upset. When I asked if he would be insulted had the roles been reversed he said no...that he would understand I had a really long week and was tired. All fine and dandy, if he's so tired why didn't he just say no to begin with... So here I am, no "happy ending" for either of us. I'm pissed, embarrassed, insulted, and and wide awake at 2:42 in the morning. He tried to go down and sleep on the couch because I yelled at him, I went down and apologized for yelling. So he came back up to bed.... at least that's something.
He's fast asleep beside me, and all I want to do is cry. I spent more than five years being ignored, feeling like nothing more important than a piece of furniture... I refuse to let anyone make me feel like that again. I can't do it. I don't think he understands how much he hurt and humiliated me, and I don't know how to tell him... so I won't bother.
What does this even mean? I've always known I desire him more than he does me. I can live with that...but I can't be ignored again. That hurts too much.