It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Monday, May 31, 2010


I'm feeling a little blue tonight. I was watching some chick flick and I've come to realize why these feel good, girly movies make me feel exactly the opposite. I feel like shit. Why? Because the last thing I want to see is some guy who loves his kids and steps up and is all excited about being married and/or being a daddy...or whatever.

I have this intense guilt over the fact that I didn't end it sooner with my X. If I had just grown a pair and left when I knew it wasn't going to work I would only have the older two kids (not that I don't adore all of my children, that's not it at all), not four kids brought into this world with a man who didn't give a crap. A man who didn't know who their dentist was, or what the name of their school teachers were. A man who told his children I was a whore, and how they should kill themselves if he didn't come home the night he tried to shoot me.

I had a horrible day to begin with. I didn't sleep well, the dogs took a crap in my car when I took them for a ride, BLT and Lady Bug are both sick, my power steering went out on my car, the kids were not nearly appreciative enough of the dinner I spent over an hour making for them, and to top it all off I feel F-A-T. I haven't had sex in a few days... that doesn't help.

So add to it all a "feel good" movie where some guy picks up his baby daughter, looking into the mother's eyes and they all profess this undying love for eachother and I just feel like a loser. I total failure as a wife and mother... I just feel craptastic in general.

I'm going to go to bed. I realize that tomorrow is a new day. I new chance to show my kids I love them. I new opportunity to do something for myself that'll make me feel good... like taking my car to the shop and emptying my savings account to get it fixed.


  1. We all have those craptastic days. Hang in will get better.


  2. Don't you just love having a blog where you can vent it all out!

    Hope your days are better now.