It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Failure at Life

I'm just in a "mood". I feel pissy, angry, unappreciated. All I asked the kids to do was clean their room. It should have taken them 10 minutes tops, 15 if they vaccumed it. After three hours of begging, and asking, and finally just yelling at them they still hadn't cleaned it up. For the love of freakin' god...WHY can't they just do what I ask them to do, just once. Just once.

There is no respect, no healthy fear of my maternal wrath, lol. It's not like this is new either, it's just that it's gotten so much worse since X and I seperated. It's like there is no attempt on their part to follow the house rules (of which there really are very few) or to follow through with their promises.

I hate being the nagging shrew. I hate that it has to come to me yelling at them to get them to realize I'm serious and to do what they are told. I hate that they don't seem to have even a tiny amount of respect for me.

And then the guilt sets in, and I hate myself for yelling. I hate that I'm not a more effective mother, I hate that I'm exhausted all the time. I hate that I can't provide the kids with a better place to live and that we're all crammed in here on top of one another.

I failed at marriage, I fail at motherhood, I just feel like a failure at life today.

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