It would be too simplistic to say I'm falling in love with the BLT because he loves me. Everyone wants to be loved, to feel cherished.
But the crazy thing is, ya...that's part of it. I confessed to him my worries about us ever being able to make any kind of honest effort at this being a real relationship. I told him I want the kind of boyfriend who picks me up for dinner...not the airport every 8 weeks. I told him about my fears that he'll meet some 25 year old without all the complications and issues I have. God love him, he said, "why the hell would I want a 25 year old I can't even have a conversation with when I have a beautiful, caring, kick ass girlfriend who's REAL, who knows what she wants, who knows how to make me feel like I'm a better man when I'm with her?"
See... those are the things he says. He always says the perfect thing, he knows how make me feel like the most cherished, most desired creature on the planet. He calms me down when I'm stressed, he listens when I'm scared and doesn't judge me for my fears, and he leans on me when he needs support - he trusts me with his own insecurities and secrets. How could I possibly NOT fall for him?
So I'm sitting here in my happy little cocoon, made of promises and wishes and all I can think about is the text message I got earlier that said, "I love the picture you sent me. That is the face I want to wake up to every day." and so I'm going to put aside my worries about tomorrow and what if, and maybe someday. I'm going to try and open my heart a little wider and let this man love me. I'll worry about the future later, it's not like I need to plan the next thirty years of my life this week, or this month, or this year.
I think I'll work on sharing more, talking more, listening more, giving more of myself than I'm usually comfortable with. If the worst comes to pass and this relationship doesn't work out I'll know that I tried. I didn't put up emotional stumbling blocks, I didn't sabotage my potential happiness before I ever really gave us a chance.
So let people call me a cougar - I don't care... I'm head over heels for a hot ass musician, having the best sex of my life, and feeling amazing about myself when we're together. I'm going to enjoy this feeling and just let tomorrow work itself out.