It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Nightmares... I haz em...

I had the most horrific nightmare two nights ago. Bad enough that I was afraid to fall asleep last night in case I had a repeat performance. *shudder* no thanks! I woke the kids up screaming my head off, so there' s a little maternal guilt tossed in there for good measure.

Maybe if I write it all down, it won't seem so scary - or at the very least I'll work it out of my head and not repeat the nightmare. So here goes...

The dream starts off with the kids and I in bed, sleeping. The X has found us, and w/o me knowing it he's been watching the house. He's sitting out in a dark car just waiting for us to go to sleep.

He creeps into the house all dressed in black. I have no idea why the door isn't locked, I always double check it... but in this dream he walks right in. The dogs, greet him, they don't realize he's there to hurt us.

The next thing I know he's got me by the hair and he's pulling me down the hallway. I can feel my scalp burning and the blood starts to drip down into my ear. I can't scream... I can't make any sound I just hear my body slamming against the walls as he drags me down the hallway and my legs and arms are kicking and thrashing around.

Once he gets me to the living room he tosses me onto the couch like I'm a tiny rag doll. He still hasn't said a word and I can't make any sounds. He pulls out the same shot gun he brought to my house, he aims it at my chest, and he shoots me in the belly. I can smell the powder and my own blood...but there is no noise from the gun. While I'm laying on the couch I can feel all the blood draining out of my body.

The X brings our children into the living room, carrying them while they sleep. He lays them all out in a row on the ground. For some reason they stay fast asleep. He lays their hands over their eyes to shield their faces.

Then there is the only noise in the whole dream... He looks at me, I'm slowing dieing on the couch, and he says... "Remember, you did this, it's your fault they're dead" and he shoots all of my children in the face.

I was screaming at the top of my lungs, begging him not to kill our children, but still I can't make any sounds... and one by one he shoots them anyway. I see their brains and blood and hair shoot all over the place, I feel droplets of their blood all over my face, mixing with my own...

That's when I woke up, screaming and crying and begging...

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