I still sleep on only one side of the bed. Isn't it supposed to be some epic sign of moving forward that you either sleep on either side...or in the middle, or whatever?
Want to know what's on the other side of my bed? Laundry waiting to be folded and a neatly alphabetized box of files I brought home to work on this weekend.
I think that's one of the reasons I'm feeling so lonely these days. I have friends to talk to, my kids to keep me busy during the day, but at night - when the lights are out and house quiet - I have a king size bed for one. I feel very small, and very alone in this big bed. This giant bed is made for two. It's large, solid cherry, and made for making love, or snuggling up and watching t.v. , maybe sharing the morning paper and coffee on a lazy Sunday morning.
The crazy thing is... when I bought this bed I was married and we hardly, if ever, did any of those things. I started sleeping in another room, we never once read the paper together, we certainly didn't "snuggle" and watch a movie. So how can I so desperately miss something I never even had to begin with?
I think I miss the idea of it. The fantasy. The possibility of the lazy Sunday Morning, wearing his t-shirt, sharing a cup of coffee and slow sleepy morning sex. I miss what I wish I had in my marriage but never did... and I have to accept I may never have that.
I've already been informed that in my mid thirties with children my chances of finding another man are slim to none. The quote was..."well you might as well invest in a good vibrator and a nun's habit because you'll NEVER find another man" Sigh...
So I guess I'll mark the passage of time and growth, and "moving on" according to the two sides of the bed theory and see if I ever start inching my way towards acceptance and independence by sleeping on the other side.
If not... at least I have a place to put my clean laundry right?