Wrong, bad, icky, sick, and oh so very Douche-Waffle-Ly
It appears that Ethel's soon to be- sort of is - future ex-husband is back to his old tricks. I'm not even sure it's conscious. I think being passive aggressive is how he's learned to treat her, and how he's managed to get what he needs or wants from those around him.
That being said... damn that is REALLY f'ing annoying!! His newest move is more of the begging and "why won't you promise to let me back into your life, because it's not about what YOU need it's about what I WANT!?" that he's been famous for lately. But he's added a new trick into his repertoire of manipulation. See Mr. Fred and Ms. Ethel are both participants in a message board/forum/online support group for people and their spouses who struggled with Sexual Addiction. Well Mr. Fred has used this forum to push his agenda in a not so subtle fashion and for the most part Ethel has chosen to ignore his pointed jabs, pushing, and obvious attempts to persuade her to take him back.
Instead she focused on herself, her online journaling, and reading/participating in the forums when it was applicable to her. Well she recently posted on her personal online journal about a relationship she's having and Mr. Fred just can't seem to realize that it's not about HIM anymore. She's traveling her own path now, independent from him and his many, varied issues.
Recently Mr. Fred made a very obvious attempt to make Ethel feel guilty by posting that he's leaving the forum because what he's reading is "just too painful" for him. Okay, that's your prerogative. Why do you have to be a drama llama and make a big post about it? Both of you have only been participants in the forum for 2-3 months... you don't have any long term friends or anyone that you have to explain yourself to. Why not just decided that for your own personal well being it's time to stop reading and move on? Oh ya... that's right... that's not how emotionally abusive and manipulative people operate. See it's not about you leaving or staying, it's about getting any kind of attention from Ethel that you can... it's about attempting to make her feel guilty for YOUR CHOICE to remove yourself from the support group instead of simply not reading her private journal.
Once again though he's the victim.... and really, I've been his friend for more than 15 years and I care about him, but this whole passive aggressive thing is so very... VERY... unattractive. He's got to stop.
Be strong Ethel... Lucy Loves You!
I think it isn't on purpose but you know I have a very liberal policy on "benefit of the doubt" which tends to get me into trouble. I'm trying to walk that tightrope of learning good personal boundaries and trying to be cooperative and understanding at the same time. It is a difficult thing for all involved. Passive aggressive is the codependant's weapon of choice....I've certainly been guilty of wielding that sword. It isn't an easy crutch to put down :(. UGH, just Ugh. Love you too babe. Thanks for all the support.
ReplyDeleteWhew... just as I'm writing about codependence myself too.
ReplyDeleteNarcissism, codependence, boundaries, passive-aggressiveness.... my blog topics for so long now and I'm STILL learning! There are fine lines and it's difficult to recognize sometimes when you're in it.
Good luck to Ethel on this journey. It's tough.