It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.





Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Fool me once...

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.  Isn't that how the saying goes?  I have nobody to blame for my current predicament except myself.  See, someone I trusted lied to me. They had the best of intentions at the time, and I would like to think they honestly believed what they were saying... but when push came to shove they caved under pressure and sided with my X instead of doing what is right and standing firm. And by going back on their word to me they've put my kids in danger.

I should have known better.  This person did this once before. They laid out an edict that said, "I don't support him, I won't let him live in my house unless he does X, Y, and Z... etc and so forth." But when the time came they didn't keep their word.  They caved...  standing firm was too hard in the face of my ex and all my former in laws (and their money).

Knowing this I let this person back into my life... I listened to their promises.  I believed them. I shared and was honest and vulnerable with them, and I made declarations to the court in a legally binding statement because of the information this person gave me... and now I look like a liar.  I look like a fool.  I look like the kind of person that makes up things.  I look like a flake.

I am hurt and I feel betrayed, not only by this person - but by myself as well.  I didn't listen to my little inner voice that was shouting "don't trust... don't believe."  I'm very scared of going to court tomorrow.  I haven't seen my ex since that night when he brought the gun to my house. I'm afraid of what's going to happen.  I'm afraid if things don't go our way that my girls will feel like I let them down. I feel like we've lost another member of our family to this disaster - because, no matter what the outcome is I'll never be able to trust this person again.  I'll never let them close to us again.  There's too much at stake.

And worse of all... I feel like my kids are in danger.  If my X has half a chance I absolutely believe that he'll make good on his threats to steal my children in order to punish me.

We will be in court at 1:30.  If you're so inclined, say a little prayer for my children and their safety and let the judge see all the lies and excuses for what they are.

9 comments:

  1. At 1:30 PDT I will be on the driving range here (4:30 EDT) getting ready for tonight's golf league. Before I start, a little prayer will be sent asking for peace, calmness and a way for you to find and use that inner strength you have in abundance. Hope it finds you.

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  2. Court clothes, game face. You can count on me. Bring it!

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  3. Best of luck in the court hearing and don't beat up on yourself for being a trusting soul.

    FD

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  4. I have found your blog and writing so refreshingly honest...though I know that it's not always the most upbeat, such as what you share here. But that's the essence of your honesty.

    I will be thinking of you today at 4:30 my time...hang in there...your anxiety is healthy...you will be rewarded for all you have done right.

    C

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  5. Saying prayers for you right now, sista.

    ((GIANT HUGS)) too.

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  6. You were awesome in court. I know it was difficult for you and I'm glad that this round is over. Step by step, breath by breath.

    Luv,
    C

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  7. I certainly hope things went well. I was thinking about you.

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  8. Oh man, we need an update! I'm dying here!

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  9. Update posted. Thank you all for your support. I am happy to report that it went very well indeed and that access to my kids is limited, and will be done in a gradual manner.

    Whew... that was exausting. Glad it's over for a little bit!

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