I'm frustrated, scared, and more than a little on edge this week. Ever since my X showed up at the kids school two weeks ago, a blatant violation of the restraining order, I've been trying to contact my lawyer. I've left messages and emailed numerous times and haven't been able to get a hold of her.
The one thing I hate more than anything else is being ignored. This is the one thing that is sure to raise my anxiety level. When I'm scared and stressed out I need to know what the next step is. I need to be able to plan, and prepare myself for what's coming up. Obviously I can't do that if she won't communicate with me.
I received a call today from my X's new attorney. Apparently she has paperwork for me and has been unable to contact my legal council either. I looked up my X's new attorney online and found out she's been fined and cited by the Bar Association for unethical behavior. Her website claims that she specializes in domestic violence and custody battles.
Explain to me why he got a lawyer who specializes in DV when he's the one who went to prison for assault? Never mind, I know the answer. He threatened all along to sue me for custody, take my kids, and disappear so that I can never see them again. He's been making lots of noise about getting the kids removed from the TRO (temporary restraining order) because his version of reality is that the only reason he went to jail was because I lied, and he's the real victim.
Oh yes... that six hour stand off with the SWAT team and that loaded shot gun were all just one big misunderstanding. And me running through the streets naked in the wee hours of the morning? What was that? My new exercise plan?
Can you feel my blood pressure rising? Because it is... My heart is pounding, I'm sweating. I feel faintly nauseous, and I'm trying hard to keep my cool. PTSD is a bitch. I'm going to breath. I'm going to focus on what I can control this very minute. I wish it worked better - but it's what I've got to work with.
Well today I finally got an email from my current lawyer. She's having serious health issues and promised to answer calls and emails when she could. I decided to let her know that I made an appointment for a consultation with another lawyer. I explained that my X is claiming that BLT and I are junkies, and that he's trying to get the TRO lifted.
If you knew me you would laugh. You'll have to believe me when I tell you that I don't smoke, I drink very lightly and only socially. I'm such a control freak that I chose natural child birth FOUR times instead of filling my body with pain killing drugs. Anyone who knows me, knows this. This is just an attempt to mess with me and make my life difficult. I need someone who is able to deal with this issue right away.... plus my current lawyer's office is a three hour drive from my new house. It's too hard to spend the entire day in traffic to sign papers or have a meeting. I'm hoping she understands, because I really do like her and I don't want any hard feelings between us. She's done so much for the kids and I already... but I have to look out for our best interests and there is an immediate threat to our happiness and safety.
The thing that scares me the most is that I don't know how he could possibly have a leg to stand on - but if this dirty lawyer took his case she must have some reason to think that my X stands a chance of getting either visitation or custody. The idea is terrifying to be honest, and I'm choosing not to discuss this with the kids right now. All of them have told their therapist that they don't want to see him, and I've told his family this - but they don't care. It's not about us, or what's best for the kids... it's all about my X and what he wants.
Life just started to settle down for us. We're happy, we're all healing emotionally, and life has been really good lately. Now he's going to mess everything up. His mommy's deep pockets ensure that he has the resources to keep me tied up in court for years while I go bankrupt trying to protect us. He isn't working, so he has plenty of time to devote to making our lives hell.
It all feels very threatening and scary right now. It's times like these that I want to pull the covers over my head and eat my way into a chocolate coma. It's just my luck that I chose last weekend to join Weight Watchers with Ethel so that I can get the 20 lbs off I packed on during my divorce. Isn't that just Murphy's Law?