In so many good ways I've gotten what I asked the Cosmos for. I have a man who loves me. I have a stunning sex life. My kids are happy and settled. I have an amazing vintage cottage in a beautiful little town to live in. I have steady employment that I enjoy.
However, I've also gotten some of the things I asked for that turned out not so good. See, I just kept repeating "All I want is for him to leave us alone. I wish he would ignore us, and act like we don't exist." Well I got my wish, but now I understand that I might have spoken too soon. See... what I should have said is that I don't want to have to spend any time with him. I don't want him to use my kids to hurt me. I do however wish that he had to pay child support. Raising four kids alone is really hard.
My youngest needs $800.00 worth of dental care immediately. I can't even ask my douche of an Ex-Husband for help because of the restraining orders, and because there is no child support ordered by the family courts yet I can't even send a request for help to him through lawyers. I am totally on my own here - as usual. I applied for Care Credit - a line of credit for medical bills and was denied due to bad credit. My nearly 1/2 a million dollar home went into foreclosure when the X went to jail. My once great credit is destroyed. I can't even get a high interest credit card at this point.
I humbled myself and asked my former in-laws for help. Even though they have a crap-load of money they declined, in a very snotty fashion to help out. All their promises about doing anything to help the kids was a total lie. They want to punish me by denying my kids help... it's the same shit it always was. They have money - and they use it to control and punish the people around them. Their grandchildren are just casualties in this whole messy war that's been declared against me because I had the nerve to walk away from their precious boy.
So I don't know what to do. I'm taking some designer handbags to a resale shop... the owner said she would be interested in them. I have one last jewelry item I'll pawn... and a good 50 dollars worth of books to sell to the used book store. That gets me a little closer to my goal.
I guess what burns me the most is that my in laws would have given my X the money in a heart beat... no matter what it's for. A new Xbox 360 and games? Done. All new clothing post jail? Done. A new car? Done. Money for a lawyer? Done. But they won't give it or loan it to me for our 6 year old's teeth. Just to be cruel.
I guess that will teach me to be careful what I ask for...