It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Yes people I am a klutz...

I'm well known in my social circle for being a klutz.  If there is a unique way to hurt myself in any given situation I'll find it. If there is a rare virus I'll catch it. If there is an accident waiting to happen then it will happen to me.

I rolled down a hill once while carrying a giant stock pot of hot chili and got lodged under a parked Buick, dislocating my shoulder, burning my boobs, and taking all the skin off my knees and hands.

I managed to roll my Chevy three times and land back on the tires, facing traffic.

I nearly died from a severe kidney infection.

I woke up one day and half of my face was paralyzed.  After testing it was determined that I caught a virus called Bells Palsy.  The paralysis lasted 8 weeks.

I broke my wrist tripping over my own feet and landing with my hand in a metal bucket of hot, soapy mop water while working at the mall in high school.

And today...  today I nearly drowned myself in my own cup of coffee. How does one do this?  Well first you have to take a big, unlady like gulp of hot coffee.  Then at the exact moment you are going to swallow it you have to sneeze.  Voila - you suck all that coffee into your lungs... Then you start turning pink, so violet, to lovely shades of blue as your significant other is pounding on your back and you are desperately trying to suck air into your burning, gurgling lungs.  Sound like fun?  Wanna give it a try? 

That was 6 hours ago and I'm still coughing, and when I do I have the faint taste of coffee in the back of my throat... lovely... 

I wonder what new and imaginative way I'll manage to damage myself next.


  1. So under the definition of "own worst enemy" we'll see your picture, won't we?

    Geeze Louise, hope today turns out a little safer for you!

  2. I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to be giggling at this but HOLY CRAP girl! I thought I was bad.

    My daughter (and now my Gentleman) still calls me "the cuttiest person she's ever met" and neither of them will allow me near a knife.

  3. I was laughing while reading this - can't imagine what state I'd be in if you were telling me this in person.

    Wish you a SAFE weekend,

  4. Seriously people, this post doesn't even cover all of it.