In 75 days my more than slightly psychotic ex-husband will be released from jail. No parole, no monitored group home, no restrictions on his behavior other than the restraining orders in place for the kids and I.
As of September he was still talking like a crazy, bitter, angry man. He was still blaming me for his decision to try and shoot me.
He was promising to get back "everything that was taken from him" and claiming to be thinking about me every hour of every day.... delightful... just what you want to hear when someone has gone to jail for stalking you, trying to shoot you, and then having you followed while he was in prison.
I'm doing everything I can to control my fear, and my anxiety. Some days I'm successful, some days I'm horribly, pathetically incapable of keeping the fear under control. I don't like that he has the ability to frighten me. I don't like that I'm not strong enough to live my life without anxiety attacks and psycho therapy. I don't like any of this.
I'm glad Ethel moved while he was a guest of the state - at least he can't find her and her family in an effort to find me. Not that he won't find me...I'm sure his Drama Momma has already told him what town we are in, and he'll just hire another detective to find me. In this day and age it's nearly impossible to hide - I accept that.
I just have to hope his desire to remain out of jail is stronger than his desire to punish me, but hope is a fragile thing that brings me very little comfort of sense of security these days.