I'm seriously rethinking one of the gifts I got for BLT. I bought him a ring. When I saw it my only thought was that it looks very much like the watch he picked out for himself. It's made of Tungsten, which is supposed to be harder and more scratch resistant than Silver or Titanium even, so he can wear it at work. It has a center ring of black carbon that looks so cool. It's very masculine and fashionable.
I just thought it was a really attractive piece of men's jewelry that he could wear on his off hand and it would look great with his watch.... but I don't want him thinking it means something other than that, or that it's some kind of passive aggressive non-verbal expectation for him to buy me a similar type of gift.
Honestly, I have gift "issues" related to my disastrous previous holidays and birthdays with my ex husband. I have all this anxiety about whether or not he'll like it, or if there are expectations about how much we should have or shouldn't have spent? What if I spent way more than he did, or vice-versa, and the other person feels awkward afterwards?
In my past, gifts were tools of manipulation. Used to "buy" desired behaviors or withheld to punish. There were expectations and strings attached to EVERYTHING. He would give me a trip to Vegas with my best friend but then for months afterward would tell me I was a selfish person and a horrible mother for going. He would give me a gift certificate to a salon and then complain about having to watch the children so that I could use it, so it would sit useless until it expired. Then there was the banner year that he gave me a bathroom scale for Christmas... I had just had a baby in November...
Mostly we just didn't exchange gifts. We had gotten to the point in our marriage that we bought things for the children and then just bought something for the house that everyone could use - like a TV or a Wii or something like that. It was just easier that way and less stressful.
But now, BLT and I are starting our own traditions, and we're celebrating holidays doing things our own way. This means I don't know what to expect. I don't know what his expectations are... I don't want to either disappoint him or make him uncomfortable either. UGH... I hate this...
So I've pulled the ring out from under the tree... I'm not sure if I'll give it to him or not. I just don't know what to do.