Apparently the X's skeezy, sleazy lawyer convinced a judge that my children are in emotional distress because I'm keeping them from a father they are desperate to see. For the record, none of them want to see him and I've got a therapist who will attest to as much under oath, who will in fact testify that it's not in the kids best interest to have anything other than very limited, and monitored access to him at this point. They aren't ready yet.
However, apparently I'll be in court in three weeks so that my X can plead his case to the judge for visitation.
All I can do is hope that the judge recognizes how dangerous he still is and keeps my kids safety in mind. I also hope she/he sees through all the lies and poor me victimization that the X is throwing around in an attempt to seem more sympathetic.
While I'm making wishes I'll toss one in there for control of my PTSD symptoms and anxiety during all of this. When we show up in court next month I want to appear calm, cool, and collected. No tears - no outbursts, no anxiety. I don't want to give him the pleasure of seeing me in distress.
Breathing Deeply,
Lucy
Monday, June 27, 2011
How I "Roll"
According to Ethel's oldest daughter... I shall call her Blue Bird... it is rediculous to think that I would ever harass someone because as she put it; "That's just not how Auntie Lucy rolls."
That cracked me up. I didn't know I "rolled" at all!
That cracked me up. I didn't know I "rolled" at all!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Getting What You Asked For... again.... a.k.a. Karmas a Bitch
So this is a reoccurring theme in my life lately. I really do think, that at some point, one eventually gets what they ask for, or maybe it's just what we deserve. Some claim that Karma steps in, or maybe it's just fruits of one's labors... both positive AND negative. Whatever you want to call it - I've seen this rule in effect many times over the past couple of years.
Well this time ol Karma stepped up and spanked my craptastic X like a wayward child. BOOM BABY... back to the corner! It seems that ol Mr. X asked for a change of venue in an attempt to punish me financially, as well as speed up this ridiculous custody battle he's brought to my doorstep. Well we just got our paper work from the court and court date was set... they can squeeze us in...
are you ready? It's good...
Wait for it....
(yes I'm giggling and rubbing my hands together in fiendish delight)
MAY 2012
I really am laughing my ass off here people. He has to wait nearly a year to even plead his case! See this is what happens when you try to play games with the court. He thought he was SO smart. He thought he could harass me and scare me into signing some b.s. document that gave him access to my kids. He wants custody but refuses to get any mental health treatment, or even acknowledge that he went to jail for a DV charge. He's still trying to convince the court that he's some kind of victim.
So anyway - lots of legal maneuvering this past week has kept me away from my computer. It's exhausting trying to wade through the hundreds of pages of legal documents and respond to all of the allegations, lies, and plain ol' just crazy bullshit that he sends my way. This last packet was over 100 pages. My lawyer was able to get all of the documents from the SWAT team and sheriffs dept. from his arrest. There are emails from his coworkers where they told the HR dept at his place of employment that he was threatening to kill me and himself. This was sent to them in the first week of September. On September 13th he brought that gun to my house and threatened to shoot me. TWO WEEKS he planned it all out, bought the gun etc. Premeditated - clear as day.
There is no way he can continue to claim that the events of that night were a "sudden, rash lapse of judgement with very little forethought" as he's been claiming in his depositions to family court. I have witness statements, the receipt for the gun purchased the week before, and a transcript of the negotiators conversations with him where he admits to being a "planner" and explains he waited all week for the chance to do this.
He's an idiot... and when we get to court next year he'll find out exactly how much the court dislikes both liars, as well as abusers. The kids and I are breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. For the next 11 months he can just cool his jets and wait for his day in court, and the kids and I? Well we are might busy enjoying this life we've built for ourselves. So I'm not going to spend any more time than I have to worrying about this... that's what I'm bankrupting myself by paying my lawyer for. It's her job to deal with all this stuff. The kids and I plan on enjoying our summer.
Karma baby... she's a lover and a hater both...I'm glad I'm on her good side this time!
Well this time ol Karma stepped up and spanked my craptastic X like a wayward child. BOOM BABY... back to the corner! It seems that ol Mr. X asked for a change of venue in an attempt to punish me financially, as well as speed up this ridiculous custody battle he's brought to my doorstep. Well we just got our paper work from the court and court date was set... they can squeeze us in...
are you ready? It's good...
Wait for it....
(yes I'm giggling and rubbing my hands together in fiendish delight)
MAY 2012
I really am laughing my ass off here people. He has to wait nearly a year to even plead his case! See this is what happens when you try to play games with the court. He thought he was SO smart. He thought he could harass me and scare me into signing some b.s. document that gave him access to my kids. He wants custody but refuses to get any mental health treatment, or even acknowledge that he went to jail for a DV charge. He's still trying to convince the court that he's some kind of victim.
So anyway - lots of legal maneuvering this past week has kept me away from my computer. It's exhausting trying to wade through the hundreds of pages of legal documents and respond to all of the allegations, lies, and plain ol' just crazy bullshit that he sends my way. This last packet was over 100 pages. My lawyer was able to get all of the documents from the SWAT team and sheriffs dept. from his arrest. There are emails from his coworkers where they told the HR dept at his place of employment that he was threatening to kill me and himself. This was sent to them in the first week of September. On September 13th he brought that gun to my house and threatened to shoot me. TWO WEEKS he planned it all out, bought the gun etc. Premeditated - clear as day.
There is no way he can continue to claim that the events of that night were a "sudden, rash lapse of judgement with very little forethought" as he's been claiming in his depositions to family court. I have witness statements, the receipt for the gun purchased the week before, and a transcript of the negotiators conversations with him where he admits to being a "planner" and explains he waited all week for the chance to do this.
He's an idiot... and when we get to court next year he'll find out exactly how much the court dislikes both liars, as well as abusers. The kids and I are breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. For the next 11 months he can just cool his jets and wait for his day in court, and the kids and I? Well we are might busy enjoying this life we've built for ourselves. So I'm not going to spend any more time than I have to worrying about this... that's what I'm bankrupting myself by paying my lawyer for. It's her job to deal with all this stuff. The kids and I plan on enjoying our summer.
Karma baby... she's a lover and a hater both...I'm glad I'm on her good side this time!
My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding Videos : Videos : TLC
Seriously… It’s like a train wreck I can’t stop watching. Tacky little teenage brides in the ugliest, gaudiest garb I’ve ever seen.
You MUST take a peek… really… go ahead. I assure you that you’ve NEVER seen anything like this in your life.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I don't know how to get rid of all this anger.
Every time I read that vignette my Chef wrote I actually see red. I've stopped crying every time I read it - but this intense anger is almost over powering. I don't know what to do with all this hate. I don't know how to get past this one. I've worked so hard to get through the fear and anger over what my X did to the kids and I when he brought that gun to my house.... this is different though. This feels so much more intense.
I knew in my head that my kids had been damaged by what my X did. But reading those words, written in Chef's own voice is physically painful. My throat starts to close up, and I actually feel my blood pressure rising. It just brought home, on such an elemental level, what she's been through.
It's almost like I could get over what was done to me... but what he's done to my kids is so much worse. I don't know how to let this go.
I knew in my head that my kids had been damaged by what my X did. But reading those words, written in Chef's own voice is physically painful. My throat starts to close up, and I actually feel my blood pressure rising. It just brought home, on such an elemental level, what she's been through.
It's almost like I could get over what was done to me... but what he's done to my kids is so much worse. I don't know how to let this go.
Monday, June 13, 2011
That "Love" word
I wonder sometimes if saying something too much takes away it's power. Words like love and hate are thrown around as though they have no meaning.
I find that I say all the time, "I love those shoes" or "I am so in love with this cake". Does it take away from it's strength then when I tell BLT or my children that I love them? Surely what I feel for my kids and the man I'm sharing my life with is much deeper than the appreciation I have for cake or footwear!
The same goes for the word Hate. There is only one person I hate. There is only one person who's ever done my children and I so much harm, physically and emotionally that he instantly gets nothing but venom and disgust from me. I don't want to lump any other person or thing in the same category as that worthless piece of crap.
I think I need to be more mindful of the words I say. I feel like I need to choose more carefully so that when I say "I love you" it has real meaning.
I find that I say all the time, "I love those shoes" or "I am so in love with this cake". Does it take away from it's strength then when I tell BLT or my children that I love them? Surely what I feel for my kids and the man I'm sharing my life with is much deeper than the appreciation I have for cake or footwear!
The same goes for the word Hate. There is only one person I hate. There is only one person who's ever done my children and I so much harm, physically and emotionally that he instantly gets nothing but venom and disgust from me. I don't want to lump any other person or thing in the same category as that worthless piece of crap.
I think I need to be more mindful of the words I say. I feel like I need to choose more carefully so that when I say "I love you" it has real meaning.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
God, this killed me...
My Ex likes to tell anyone who will listen that he never did anything to hurt our kids. He has declared to the court, the police, therapists, family and friends over and over that he was the victim in all of this and that the kids have no reason to be upset.
This is a draft of my 13 year old's final for Language Arts. She is supposed to write a vignette about a moment in her life that changed her. The spelling is horrible, but hey, that's not Chef's strong point. This is also just her first draft. Reading it was very powerful for me. I cried my eyes out.... it makes me hate that man with a passion I feel for no other living person.
********************************************
People are like oxygen, we need them, they surround us, giving us light and energy. Sometimes that light disappears, and other times, it gets taken away.
He left us in the white van the smell of upholster and rain dampen concrete invading my senses. The sound of the traffic coming by blasted my ears with wanting, wanting to be somewhere, anywhere else. I joke on the outside my sisters young smiling faces making the gnawing fear a little more bearable each second. Until I saw them, they came one by one with packages, big, tall, wrapped up and hiding the deathly thing that lays inside. The sign of the gun shop will always be burned into my mind.
He lays there like nothings wrong, twirling the bullet casing in his fingers like it's all a joke, like it's not something sick and wrong, like it's an innocent toy or play thing. I watch it glint in the sunlight and listen to my sisters sobs, rubbing her back reassuringly, while my mind is trying to stay calm and not hear the words coming out of his mouth. It scared me relentlessly, what he's saying so rationally, about something so wrong.
The gun was loaded, car was ready, alaby set, his footsteps thunder with finality as he walked through the door, and hopefully, out of my life. The clock strikes seven, the days long gone, I still hear those footsteps song as he steps out of the door with finality. I didn't think he could do it, I didn't think he would try, but then again, people aren't always what you think.
This is a draft of my 13 year old's final for Language Arts. She is supposed to write a vignette about a moment in her life that changed her. The spelling is horrible, but hey, that's not Chef's strong point. This is also just her first draft. Reading it was very powerful for me. I cried my eyes out.... it makes me hate that man with a passion I feel for no other living person.
********************************************
People are like oxygen, we need them, they surround us, giving us light and energy. Sometimes that light disappears, and other times, it gets taken away.
He left us in the white van the smell of upholster and rain dampen concrete invading my senses. The sound of the traffic coming by blasted my ears with wanting, wanting to be somewhere, anywhere else. I joke on the outside my sisters young smiling faces making the gnawing fear a little more bearable each second. Until I saw them, they came one by one with packages, big, tall, wrapped up and hiding the deathly thing that lays inside. The sign of the gun shop will always be burned into my mind.
He lays there like nothings wrong, twirling the bullet casing in his fingers like it's all a joke, like it's not something sick and wrong, like it's an innocent toy or play thing. I watch it glint in the sunlight and listen to my sisters sobs, rubbing her back reassuringly, while my mind is trying to stay calm and not hear the words coming out of his mouth. It scared me relentlessly, what he's saying so rationally, about something so wrong.
The gun was loaded, car was ready, alaby set, his footsteps thunder with finality as he walked through the door, and hopefully, out of my life. The clock strikes seven, the days long gone, I still hear those footsteps song as he steps out of the door with finality. I didn't think he could do it, I didn't think he would try, but then again, people aren't always what you think.
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