It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I'm Being Punished

My 13 year old is punishing me. We are not talking. Chef decided to stay in her room and refused to come out and eat dinner with us.

Chef has started making herself throw up. Not only is there an unhealthy obsession with her weight... which is not a problem by the way, but she has, shall we say, developed earlier than most of her peers. She's curvy.

She is also doing this as a stress reliever. With everything we've been through (separation, divorce, her father trying to shoot me and going to jail, being nearly homeless, changing schools three times in one year, and moving four times, loosing her friends and support system) well... I see why she's feeling stressed. That still doesn't make it okay. She's starting to see a counselor this Wednesday and we will be discussing this.

I'm not forcing her to eat - but I'm closely monitoring her behavior. Her friends and siblings are also aware of what happened and we are all keeping an eye on her. She says she is no longer doing that and she understands how unhealthy it is - but I'm still hauling her ass into the therapist's office this week.

Well today Chef used the threat of making herself throw up to manipulate her sibling into doing something. I was called at work and told about it. We had very stern words. I told her in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to use threat of self harm to manipulate people... that was exactly what her father did to all of us for over a month before be brought that gun to my house - and that it's pure evil. I told her that if she ever did that again she would be grounded until the end of the school year, and by grounded I mean no cell phone, no laptop, no after school dances, no football games, no parties.

Home, School, and Therapy will be her whole life for the next 8 months if she continues this behavior. That seemed to put the fear of God into her. I think she understands when I told her that I've never been more angry or more disappointed in her. When I got home I made her do some household chores and we had further words because of her attitude. After that she decided to hide in her room. When I checked on her she had fallen asleep.

For tonight I think it's best that we are not talking to each other. In the morning light I'll tell her that I love her. I'll tell her that I expect better from her, and that I don't want to fight with her...but I will fight FOR her. I will fight for her benefit because I love her enough to do what's right - even if if doesn't make me popular.


  1. I'm sorry to hear this but so very glad that you are jumping on it like the wild momma bear you are. I love that girl so much (as I do all of your kiddos). I'm going to think of something for her and I to do together soon.

  2. Tough place to be, but you're right on track. Maybe the most important thing is that she always feels safe in coming to you with a problem. If you can maintain that link you can work through anything. She'll come around.

  3. *sigh*

    That's tough, girl. I worry because I have TWO girls what it'll be like. I try to show self-acceptance so that they will have it too.

    (ironically, NOT what my recent blog post is about...)

    Hang in there. Sounds like you're showing her love through it. That's the best thing.

  4. Please be very careful with this, as someone who sister had to have inpatient care for this exact same thing. Inform her teachers and the school also. I hope it all resolves soon.

  5. Good idea Bobbi, I'll be sure to inform the counselor at their school. We stay in regular contact and they're really good about keeping an eye on the kids who need extra attention. Just one more bennefit of a small school.