It's not for the faint of heart.

Welcome to my slightly silly, often odd, and mostly messy life.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Just one more time?

No... Yes... NO... YES... *sigh*

I have a horrible case of baby fever. I know that I won't have any more kids, but I swear my ovaries quiver every time a friend shows off their newest baby dressed like a Lima bean or a sock monkey for Halloween.

Just passing the layette section in Target makes me all wistful. I've played the "What would BLT and my baby look like?" game in my head. I ask myself, what would it be like to have the father if my newborn actually want to hold their child, or bathe their baby...or just be there in the delivery room and not be a useless sack of distraction?

It doesn't help that a friend just announced she's pregnant. I thought my social group had passed the age of baby showers and birth stories, but here two of my friends are expecting and another two have children under the age if one.

Inside my head I hear a voice say; "See I'm not too old. 37 year olds have babies all the time!"

Then I hear; "Jackass, you're not married, you're broke, you have 5 kids between the two of you to raise, you're broke, you have a psychotic ex husband trying to take your kids, you work 50+ hours a week to support yourself, you are too old, and did I mention....YOU ARE BROKE!"

So I accept all over again that my baby days are done. No more tiny fingers wrapped around my pinky, no more nursing baby at my breast, no more tiny cloth diapers.

Then some excited friend shows off their newest set of Little Timmy Learned To Eat His Toes photos... I swear to god I'm going to have to close down my Facebook account until this passes.


  1. I hear you. I'm not yet divorced and not in a viable relationship and so babies are not even on my radar BUT I too think about how nice it would be to bring a baby into a truly healthy and loving relationship and my eyes sting a bit. I can't help but think that for the right person I might be willing to have "just one more". The heart is willing, the mind gives the idea a big ole VETO. My self imposed age cut of for babies passed a good five years ago.

    I think YOU should go for it though. *ducking & running&

  2. I just had number 2 he isn't even 3 months old and I want another. What is wrong with me?

  3. OMG. I have never felt like this. LOL Isn't that probably sad of me to say??