1. Good News: X is totally, 100% unable to sue me. First of all his lawyers filed a notice that they are no longer representing him - and since he's out of money, he no longer has his 500.00 per hour bulldogs to do his bidding from jail Second, since the kids are still protected by a no contact order I am under absolutely no obligation to tell him anything... so go suck an egg Mr. X!! If you want to make my life difficult from prison you'll have to beg, borrow, or steal another retainer, hire another law firm, and start from scratch. Since you're possibly the laziest creature that ever walked this planet I'm not going to loose sleep over your threats any longer!
2. Bad News: I gained WAY more weight that I was thinking. Three years ago I lost nearly 60 lbs using the Weight Watchers system, and I kept it off really well until my life went to shit a year ago. I've gained back 21 lbs, and I'm not happy about it. So back to WW I go. I knew all my clothes were too tight, but holy shit, I didn't realize I gained that much.
Tracking today has kept me honest, and here I am after dinner with 6 pts left for the day, which means I can have my beloved light popcorn or maybe a little low fat ice cream later when I'm watching TV with BLT and I get the munchies.
3. No News: Still no word about the 401K funds. My lawyer is looking into it for me, and I just have to be patient and let her do her job. Ugh... I suck at the whole patience thing.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Our sexy, swanky weekend
I've been trying to think of something special to do for BLT. He is a musician, and a huge Sinatra fan, so when I heard Steve Tyrell was playing at Jazz Alley I knew I had to get tickets. His bio listed him as "a Grammy award winning, Sinatra-esque style" performer.
What a PERFECT evening. The music was amazing, and the venue so intimate and sexy it was impossible not to leave there feeling romantic. Dim lights, small tables set around the stage, amazing food and wines, impeccable service, and a cool jazz club vibe that lent itself to hushed conversation and long, knowing glances.
There wasn't a bad seat in the house, but we lucked out and got the best seats available in my opinion. We ended up center stage, four tables back from the stage. Not so close you had to crane your neck to watch, but close enough to feel like he was singing to you alone. There wasn't anything distracting or tacky going on either. Just a stage with a mic, a base player, guitarist, and a pianist on a baby grand piano. Intimate is really the only word to describe it.
We enjoyed our drinks and dinner before the show, then shared a decadent chocolate dessert during the performance. Afterwards we walked back to our hotel in the warm night air, taking our time and holding hands. Just sort of lingering in the moment. When we got back BLT gave me a special gift he picked out for me. Small, lovely ruby stud earrings. Nothing extravagant, it's not his style - but something beautiful and special that he picked out just for me. He knows me so well, and I adore them.
We spent the rest of the evening, and into the early morning hours loving each other, making promises and saying, with words and without, all the things we needed to say. We slept in late, walked to our favorite cafe for breakfast and headed back into town to get the kids.
I don't think I've ever had such an amazing weekend. It was everything I was hoping for, and I can't think of anyone I would rather have shared the experience with.
What a PERFECT evening. The music was amazing, and the venue so intimate and sexy it was impossible not to leave there feeling romantic. Dim lights, small tables set around the stage, amazing food and wines, impeccable service, and a cool jazz club vibe that lent itself to hushed conversation and long, knowing glances.
There wasn't a bad seat in the house, but we lucked out and got the best seats available in my opinion. We ended up center stage, four tables back from the stage. Not so close you had to crane your neck to watch, but close enough to feel like he was singing to you alone. There wasn't anything distracting or tacky going on either. Just a stage with a mic, a base player, guitarist, and a pianist on a baby grand piano. Intimate is really the only word to describe it.
We enjoyed our drinks and dinner before the show, then shared a decadent chocolate dessert during the performance. Afterwards we walked back to our hotel in the warm night air, taking our time and holding hands. Just sort of lingering in the moment. When we got back BLT gave me a special gift he picked out for me. Small, lovely ruby stud earrings. Nothing extravagant, it's not his style - but something beautiful and special that he picked out just for me. He knows me so well, and I adore them.
We spent the rest of the evening, and into the early morning hours loving each other, making promises and saying, with words and without, all the things we needed to say. We slept in late, walked to our favorite cafe for breakfast and headed back into town to get the kids.
I don't think I've ever had such an amazing weekend. It was everything I was hoping for, and I can't think of anyone I would rather have shared the experience with.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Romantic Getaway
Tomorrow I'm dropping the kids off at my former in laws house for an overnight visit. BLT and I will be going to Jazz Alley to have dinner and see a "Sinatra-esque" style, grammy award winning singer. BLT loves him some Sinatra, and this is a nice swanky place for a date. I've picked up a pretty, strapless dress on clearance to wear, and something a tad naughty to go underneath it. I think he'll approve ;)
I booked us a hotel room a few blocks away, so we can both have a few drinks and not worry about who's driving home. Plus, home is about two hours away, and I didn't relish the long drive late at night.
Now we can stroll back to the hotel in the warm night air, undress each other and have some lovely hotel sex...yummy!
I booked us a hotel room a few blocks away, so we can both have a few drinks and not worry about who's driving home. Plus, home is about two hours away, and I didn't relish the long drive late at night.
Now we can stroll back to the hotel in the warm night air, undress each other and have some lovely hotel sex...yummy!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
He Blew My Mind!!
Alrighty folks, disclaimer time. This post is about sex, so leave now if you don't want the nitty gritty details....
BLT rocked my world yesterday on several levels. We've had a sex hiatus for the past several days. It seems that our twice daily sex fest (seriously we can't get enough of each other) since he moved in has left him a wee bit chapped.
I've always had a healthy sexual appetite - but I put my needs and desires on the back burner with my X. We just weren't compatible. BLT and I have this amazing chemistry. The way he smells turns me on. The way he looks at me, licks my shoulder, pulls my hair back and runs his finger down the side of my neck... every little move, every look. He just does it for me, big time.
BLT came home last night, took my laptop and set it aside. He knows me - he knows I've been horny as hell the past few days, and frustrated about the situation with the X. He didn't say a word, he pulled me close and kissed me like I've never been kissed before. It was all heat and pressure. Teeth and tongues, and intensity and the perfect amount of moisture... god I hate a sloppy kisser.
That perfect kiss made it way all over my body. Leaving me shaky and so badly in need of release I was in agony - but that good kind of pleasure-pain that's so delicious it's hard to describe. BLT did not leave me suffering long. We had the most earth shattering oral sex I've ever experienced. And the shocker was that it was all for my benefit. He had no agenda, he wasn't trying to get anything out of me.
When I finally caught my breath, BLT pulled me close and held me. He played with my hair, in that way that gives me goosebumps. He just held me and let me fall asleep on his chest. We didn't have to fill the space with empty words. It was just comfortable and perfect.
It was sweet and sexy as hell. I've never had anyone who was so in tune with what I need, and who so willingly and eagerly met those needs without me even asking. God I love this man.
We're going away for a romantic weekend Saturday and Sunday. I can't wait to reciprocate, and blow his mind a little in return. Woo Hooo... that's totally a win-win situation!
BLT rocked my world yesterday on several levels. We've had a sex hiatus for the past several days. It seems that our twice daily sex fest (seriously we can't get enough of each other) since he moved in has left him a wee bit chapped.
I've always had a healthy sexual appetite - but I put my needs and desires on the back burner with my X. We just weren't compatible. BLT and I have this amazing chemistry. The way he smells turns me on. The way he looks at me, licks my shoulder, pulls my hair back and runs his finger down the side of my neck... every little move, every look. He just does it for me, big time.
BLT came home last night, took my laptop and set it aside. He knows me - he knows I've been horny as hell the past few days, and frustrated about the situation with the X. He didn't say a word, he pulled me close and kissed me like I've never been kissed before. It was all heat and pressure. Teeth and tongues, and intensity and the perfect amount of moisture... god I hate a sloppy kisser.
That perfect kiss made it way all over my body. Leaving me shaky and so badly in need of release I was in agony - but that good kind of pleasure-pain that's so delicious it's hard to describe. BLT did not leave me suffering long. We had the most earth shattering oral sex I've ever experienced. And the shocker was that it was all for my benefit. He had no agenda, he wasn't trying to get anything out of me.
When I finally caught my breath, BLT pulled me close and held me. He played with my hair, in that way that gives me goosebumps. He just held me and let me fall asleep on his chest. We didn't have to fill the space with empty words. It was just comfortable and perfect.
It was sweet and sexy as hell. I've never had anyone who was so in tune with what I need, and who so willingly and eagerly met those needs without me even asking. God I love this man.
We're going away for a romantic weekend Saturday and Sunday. I can't wait to reciprocate, and blow his mind a little in return. Woo Hooo... that's totally a win-win situation!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
You've got to be kidding me...
According to a reliable source my bat shit crazy ex husband is now going to try and sue me for contempt of court. Apparently he feels that since he hasn't lost his parental rights I'm in contempt for not telling him where the girls are living, going to school and daycare.
The problem I have... well okay, there are many... but lets start with the fact that if he finds out where THEY are, then he finds out where I am. Since he attempted to shoot me, and I have a five year no contact order I'm thinking I don't have to inform him of shit. Also, as of right now the kids are still on an order of protection. He's not even allowed near their school or day care...so this all stinks of just being another attempt to cost me legal fees I don't have and punish me any way he can.
Who knows if his nearly as crazy mother will finance this new little bit of insanity. I'm thinking I have a fifty-fifty shot she'll say no. He pretty much bankrupted her with his uber expensive defense lawyer who got him his cherry of a deal and then his ridiculously expensive divorce lawyer that pretty much did nothing, but sucked his mother's bank account dry and keep him from loosing everything but the prison issue underwear he's using.
On a related, but slightly different topic. I've as of yet still not heard a word from f'ing Prudential who holds the 401K funds. I was awarded 85% of those funds, and it said in the divorce papers that they were required to contact me "in a timely manner" to let me know how to get those funds. No contact yet via phone, mail, email or through my lawyer. So I have no clue what to do.
I don't have any phone or account numbers to reference and I'm pretty sure I can't just call Prudential up and say "hey, twat waffle...where's my money?" although that would be just a wee bit satisfying, if juvenile. If I can't get those funds I have no idea how I'm going to buy school clothes for all four kids, plus supplies, back packs, winter coats, shoes etc. Without any child support I can barely just squeak by paying my bills and covering rent etc. Those kinds of extras just aren't in the budget.
So... life marches forward. Just a little more crazy today than yesterday. But honestly at this point I should expect these things to pop up from time to time. For the next 13 years I'm going to have to deal with Capt. Crazypants and whatever ridiculous way he can come up with to make my life difficult. God help me I hope I don't end up on an episode of Snapped one day.
The problem I have... well okay, there are many... but lets start with the fact that if he finds out where THEY are, then he finds out where I am. Since he attempted to shoot me, and I have a five year no contact order I'm thinking I don't have to inform him of shit. Also, as of right now the kids are still on an order of protection. He's not even allowed near their school or day care...so this all stinks of just being another attempt to cost me legal fees I don't have and punish me any way he can.
Who knows if his nearly as crazy mother will finance this new little bit of insanity. I'm thinking I have a fifty-fifty shot she'll say no. He pretty much bankrupted her with his uber expensive defense lawyer who got him his cherry of a deal and then his ridiculously expensive divorce lawyer that pretty much did nothing, but sucked his mother's bank account dry and keep him from loosing everything but the prison issue underwear he's using.
On a related, but slightly different topic. I've as of yet still not heard a word from f'ing Prudential who holds the 401K funds. I was awarded 85% of those funds, and it said in the divorce papers that they were required to contact me "in a timely manner" to let me know how to get those funds. No contact yet via phone, mail, email or through my lawyer. So I have no clue what to do.
I don't have any phone or account numbers to reference and I'm pretty sure I can't just call Prudential up and say "hey, twat waffle...where's my money?" although that would be just a wee bit satisfying, if juvenile. If I can't get those funds I have no idea how I'm going to buy school clothes for all four kids, plus supplies, back packs, winter coats, shoes etc. Without any child support I can barely just squeak by paying my bills and covering rent etc. Those kinds of extras just aren't in the budget.
So... life marches forward. Just a little more crazy today than yesterday. But honestly at this point I should expect these things to pop up from time to time. For the next 13 years I'm going to have to deal with Capt. Crazypants and whatever ridiculous way he can come up with to make my life difficult. God help me I hope I don't end up on an episode of Snapped one day.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
He makes me fall in love with him all over again
I'm not sure how he does it. Watching him hold my child in his arms next to the fire on the fourth of July touched a place in my heart that's been asleep for a long time. Wispering in her ear, making her giggle, letting her snuggle into his chest until she falls asleep, carrying her upstairs and tucking her in as though she were the most precious of creatures....
How do I not love a man like that?
How do I not love a man like that?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Men and Woman Do NOT Speak the Same Language!
Wow... maybe that whole "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" thing has some merit. Last night on the drive home from work BLT says that he's thinking of taking a drive. From there on we had an evening that was one big, giant miscommunication.
As I mentioned he was acting like some kind of bug flew up his ass, and he was short with the kids and with me. I went to the store, he apparently came upstairs and took a nap. Once I got home and got the kids fed he came down and said he was going to get a beer.
That turned into him disappearing for two hours, no call, no nothing. I jumped to the conclusion that he was unhappy. I took his disappearance and his mood personally. All the signs I were reading lead me to believe I had done something wrong and he was angry with me, or the kids, or simple just regretting his decision to move here with us.
In man land he felt like he had already told me he wanted a drive, so when he went for a beer he decided to drive for awhile first. He didn't turn on his phone because the point of a long drive for him is to be left alone so he can decompress and work stuff out in his head. It didn't occur to him that I was sitting at home wondering if he hit a deer and was in a ditch someplace, or that he found some hot little (childless) thing to spend the evening with and he was trying to figure out how to tell me he wasn't coming home! (Insecurity is NOT sexy, I know this. Trust me, I hate myself for feeling this way from time to time...)
I think part of my insecurity about BLT deciding I'm not worth it comes from my X. When we were splitting he asked me if I knew what I wanted. I told him I wanted someone who was happy with his life, who was interesting and fun, and had a rich life he wanted to share with me... not someone who needed me to make him happy. My X looked at me and said, "why would someone like that want to share their life with YOU?" and you know what, that was the way he always made me feel. He never made me feel smart, or sexy, or worthwhile. It's like he wanted me feel thankful that he was willing to put up with me despite my shortcomings. There's a part of me, no matter how hard I try, that still feels like that sometimes. Like I'm not smart enough, or funny enough, or sexy enough for BLT to stick around.
So he comes home, sees me seething at my computer and asks me what's wrong. He's honestly confused, which kind of just makes me more upset. So I do that girl thing... I say, "nothing, everything is just fine" but I don't mean it, and he knows it.
Long story short... after about an hour of conversation he explains his side, I tell him I can't take it if he just disappears, he has to tell me, give me a basic timeline like; "Baby, I'm going for a drive to cool off, I'll be back in an hour or two. Don't worry if I don't answer my phone." I can deal with that, I can understand a need to be alone. I won't worry if I know you're coming home soon.
I explained my fears, he held me. He said the right things... he always says the right things. He loves me, he likes the kids. It's just an adjustment for him and he needs some quiet. He's used to being alone, and this is a busy, noisy house...something very new for him. He apologized and we both promised to be better at communicating with each other. The only thing he asked of me was that I never say things are fine when they aren't.
He would rather have me yell at him than be fake. I can deal with that.
As I mentioned he was acting like some kind of bug flew up his ass, and he was short with the kids and with me. I went to the store, he apparently came upstairs and took a nap. Once I got home and got the kids fed he came down and said he was going to get a beer.
That turned into him disappearing for two hours, no call, no nothing. I jumped to the conclusion that he was unhappy. I took his disappearance and his mood personally. All the signs I were reading lead me to believe I had done something wrong and he was angry with me, or the kids, or simple just regretting his decision to move here with us.
In man land he felt like he had already told me he wanted a drive, so when he went for a beer he decided to drive for awhile first. He didn't turn on his phone because the point of a long drive for him is to be left alone so he can decompress and work stuff out in his head. It didn't occur to him that I was sitting at home wondering if he hit a deer and was in a ditch someplace, or that he found some hot little (childless) thing to spend the evening with and he was trying to figure out how to tell me he wasn't coming home! (Insecurity is NOT sexy, I know this. Trust me, I hate myself for feeling this way from time to time...)
I think part of my insecurity about BLT deciding I'm not worth it comes from my X. When we were splitting he asked me if I knew what I wanted. I told him I wanted someone who was happy with his life, who was interesting and fun, and had a rich life he wanted to share with me... not someone who needed me to make him happy. My X looked at me and said, "why would someone like that want to share their life with YOU?" and you know what, that was the way he always made me feel. He never made me feel smart, or sexy, or worthwhile. It's like he wanted me feel thankful that he was willing to put up with me despite my shortcomings. There's a part of me, no matter how hard I try, that still feels like that sometimes. Like I'm not smart enough, or funny enough, or sexy enough for BLT to stick around.
So he comes home, sees me seething at my computer and asks me what's wrong. He's honestly confused, which kind of just makes me more upset. So I do that girl thing... I say, "nothing, everything is just fine" but I don't mean it, and he knows it.
Long story short... after about an hour of conversation he explains his side, I tell him I can't take it if he just disappears, he has to tell me, give me a basic timeline like; "Baby, I'm going for a drive to cool off, I'll be back in an hour or two. Don't worry if I don't answer my phone." I can deal with that, I can understand a need to be alone. I won't worry if I know you're coming home soon.
I explained my fears, he held me. He said the right things... he always says the right things. He loves me, he likes the kids. It's just an adjustment for him and he needs some quiet. He's used to being alone, and this is a busy, noisy house...something very new for him. He apologized and we both promised to be better at communicating with each other. The only thing he asked of me was that I never say things are fine when they aren't.
He would rather have me yell at him than be fake. I can deal with that.
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