This was a ... hmm... odd week. Odd sums it up. It was stressful, and busy, and we've all been a bit cranky. We've had some personnel changes at work that were difficult, and we're all pulling a few extra hours to cover our collective asses.
This week I've learned the following:
1. My father can be a passive aggressive ass.
2. One should do everything in their power to never sneeze while brushing their teeth.
3. A certain government agency will not only do their job incorrectly and blame you for it, but they'll instruct you in a very snotty way as to how YOU are responsible for their screw up, and what steps you should take next time to ensure they do their job correctly... so as to save them all some aggravation with you...
4. If your purse is stolen, and your concealed carry permit is inside of it, it will take a small mountain of paperwork to replace it. It only took one form to get said permit the first time... but replacing it, due to no fault of your own, takes an act of congress.
5. My mother can be a passive aggressive she-devil in response to the above mentioned passive aggressive father figure. The maternal unit, however, is more creative. She haz skillz... and thus 35 years of happily married co-existence continues.
6. A bulldog with gas can clear out a room in less than 5 seconds.
7. No matter how much you love a very expensive pair of silk panties... if the elastic at the waist gives out you have to toss them. No way to save em, don't try... just bid them a fond farewell and toss em. Otherwise you're playing Grip and Wiggle all day as they shift, shimmy, slip, and reorient themselves in uncomfy places.
*Sigh...* So that was my week.
Tell me what YOU learned this week!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Think Before You Act
Something came to light this past week that just took my breath away. Someone I would normally describe as intelligent did something so stupid, so thoughtless, so Fing asinine that I have no words. My trust in this person's common sense is just destroyed.
What this person did puts others in danger and it's... well... it's purely out of selfishness. With a smidge of self indulgence and a sprinkling of retardation thrown in. It's immature, reckless, and wrong.
I don't know how to go forward from here. I'm not in a position to say anything to this person, but DAYUM I'm bad at keeping my mouth shut. Shocking I know...
I seriously need to kick someones ass.
What this person did puts others in danger and it's... well... it's purely out of selfishness. With a smidge of self indulgence and a sprinkling of retardation thrown in. It's immature, reckless, and wrong.
I don't know how to go forward from here. I'm not in a position to say anything to this person, but DAYUM I'm bad at keeping my mouth shut. Shocking I know...
I seriously need to kick someones ass.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
It's the little things
I think it's the little things that make up a good relationship. My X was good at grand gestures. Over the top displays of expensive gifts or trips... or whatever was easy and impressive. He excelled at looking generous while actually exerting no forethought and very little work.
But when it came to the day to day things he was a wreck. He didn't seem to understand that I didn't want a new diamond bracelet - I wanted someone to help me with our four kids. I didn't need a new, bigger house. I needed respect.
BLT on the other hand is all about the little things. It's just in his nature. He is considerate. He is hard working. He listens. It's the way he always places his hand on the small of my back when we're out together... it's comforting. It's the way he carries all my stuff out to the car for me in the morning, or scrapes the frost off my windows before he leaves for work. It's that he knows what my favorite band is, or what movie I will like on TV. He gets me... he knows my moods.
Life is made up of millions of little moments, and all those little things add up to so much more than an occasional lavish gift with no forethought put into it. It's a sweet kiss goodnight, or a warm cup of coffee first thing in the morning. It's reading different books and telling each other all about them. It having someone to hold you at night and listening to their heart beat as you fall asleep. It's about laughing and joking, and staying up all night talking about your future. It's about the way he'll order dessert and split it with you just because he knows you want some and don't want to feel guilty about it.
I could live the whole rest of my life without another piece of fancy jewelry, or a luxury vacation.... but I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to a life without BLT. My life is so much better with him in it.
But when it came to the day to day things he was a wreck. He didn't seem to understand that I didn't want a new diamond bracelet - I wanted someone to help me with our four kids. I didn't need a new, bigger house. I needed respect.
BLT on the other hand is all about the little things. It's just in his nature. He is considerate. He is hard working. He listens. It's the way he always places his hand on the small of my back when we're out together... it's comforting. It's the way he carries all my stuff out to the car for me in the morning, or scrapes the frost off my windows before he leaves for work. It's that he knows what my favorite band is, or what movie I will like on TV. He gets me... he knows my moods.
Life is made up of millions of little moments, and all those little things add up to so much more than an occasional lavish gift with no forethought put into it. It's a sweet kiss goodnight, or a warm cup of coffee first thing in the morning. It's reading different books and telling each other all about them. It having someone to hold you at night and listening to their heart beat as you fall asleep. It's about laughing and joking, and staying up all night talking about your future. It's about the way he'll order dessert and split it with you just because he knows you want some and don't want to feel guilty about it.
I could live the whole rest of my life without another piece of fancy jewelry, or a luxury vacation.... but I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to a life without BLT. My life is so much better with him in it.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
She called him Daddy
BLT tucked the little ones in tonight, and TNT looked up at him with half closed eyes, and in a shy sleepy voice she said, "I love you... night night daddy..."
BLT looked up at me and he had tears in his eyes.
I think she was testing it out to see how it felt. Several days ago she asked me what she should call BLT now that we were going to be getting married, and I told her that she should call him whatever feels right. I told her to continue to call him BLT if she wants to, that there are no rules about this type of thing.
I think it's sweet, and I know BLT liked it. I have no idea if she'll will continue to call him daddy, or dad... or just go back to BLT. It will be interesting to see what she decides.
BLT looked up at me and he had tears in his eyes.
I think she was testing it out to see how it felt. Several days ago she asked me what she should call BLT now that we were going to be getting married, and I told her that she should call him whatever feels right. I told her to continue to call him BLT if she wants to, that there are no rules about this type of thing.
I think it's sweet, and I know BLT liked it. I have no idea if she'll will continue to call him daddy, or dad... or just go back to BLT. It will be interesting to see what she decides.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Let's Gather Round the Ol' Campfire!
I'm excited! We are heading out camping with the kids for the very first time. It should be fun! I really hope they like it, because it's something BLT and I want to do on a regular basis, and listening to whining, disgruntled kids is about as much fun as sticking a spork in your own eye!
So we've packed our cooler, rolled up our sleeping bags, and borrowed a tent from Ethel.
What a good friend Ethel is too, she agreed to watch my two idiot dogs for the weekend, boy oh boy do I owe her one now!
Wish us luck and fair weather!
So we've packed our cooler, rolled up our sleeping bags, and borrowed a tent from Ethel.
What a good friend Ethel is too, she agreed to watch my two idiot dogs for the weekend, boy oh boy do I owe her one now!
Wish us luck and fair weather!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Good News / Bad New... Court Edition!
Let's start with the good news. I'm doing a victory dance here - a Jig of Joy, maybe even a little Hula of Happiness! I went to court yesterday, and it really went about as well as could be expected! The judge saw right through all the lies, and excuses. She did not believe for one second that my X is a victim in any way.
She told my X that he doesn't get to disappear from the children's life for two years, and then just expect to walk back into it without any sort of gradual reintroduction. She agrees with my insistence that he needs a mental health evaluation by a clinical therapist with a PhD and experience in Domestic Violence treatment. She mandated that he have therapy, parenting classes, and a batterers treatment program BEFORE he even gets to the point where he can have monitored visitation. She expressed concern that he doesn't seem to understand that what he did was wrong, that he commited domestic violence, and that he has damaged my children. She seemed to understand that as of yesterday he still wasn't accepting any responsibility for his actions, and until he got some help he wasn't going to get access to my children.
The X asked for the following things:
* Residential visitation in his home - DENIED
* Visitation, In his mothers home. Monitored by his Mother - DENIED
* No post conviction requirements, such as therapy or parenting classes - DENIED
* The right to have our phone numbers, address, emails and other contact information - DENIED
* The right to claim the kids as deductions on his taxes (even though he has yet to pay a penny in child support for two years!) - DENIED
* Removal of the Order of Protection on the children - DENIED
*Shared decision making for the children - DENIED
What he did get is the following:
* The ability to start writing his children letters - sent to their therapist for her review, and potential editing before they read them.
* A reduction in child support. She reduced the payment by 14.00 per month. He's paying a pittance as it is - only 100.00 more per month than Ethel's brother pays for his single child, and we have four children! For a man so desperate to see his kids he's sure doing everything within his power to avoid supporting them.
* The judge is making me pay 1/2 of the fee for the Guardian ad Lidem and for 1/2 of his monitored visitation! Why the hell I have to pay half of the fee for HIS visitation and monitoring...when he's the dangerous one who screwed up and went to jail is beyond me!
So that's the long and the short of it. For the most part I got everything I wanted. The kids are safe, the re-introduction will be slow and gradual, and monitored in a professional facility by trained personnel. He will have to pass a Psych evaluation and take some much needed classes. And most importantly, a Guardian ad Lidem is appointed to help investigate and determine what is in the best interest of my kids.
It REALLY sucks that I have to come up with money to pay for half of the GAL and monitoring... especially when I didn't do anything wrong, but if it keeps the kids safe then I don't care if I have to do bikini car washes, scrub toilets, or scoop dog crap in the park to make the 3,000.00 bucks to pay for it. I'll figure it out.
BLT and I decided to scale way back on the wedding plans and use that money instead to help pay for the GAL. It means no fancy triple cheesecakes (we will likely do a simple home made cake), no full plated dinner (appetizers and cocktails instead) and sorry family, but no open bar! I'm going to wait until Easter time and hopefully get the 3 little girls discounted Easter Dresses instead of fancy flower girl dresses. I am considering taking back my wedding dress too... it's a silly expense, and I don't need to spend money on a dress. I'll make my invites, and we won't have a photographer. I'll ask our guests to bring their digital cameras and just email us all the photos they take.
We've also decided that a honeymoon isn't an option. Maybe later in the year we can get away for a day or two once the kids are out of school for the summer. I was thinking that we could keep an eye out for some kind of airline / hotel deal someplace close by for just a weekend, or even drive out of town and find a lovely little bed and breakfast to snuggle into for a few days. Either way... we're patient!
Speaking of money - when it rains it pours it seems. Yesterday when I woke up we found that someone smashed out the window in my car and stole a purse I didn't realize got left inside. Add to that, the dentist just called me. They apparently mis-quoted and billed me incorrectly and I owe them an additional 383.00 for some dental work I had done last week.
LOL...could anyone else possibly need money from me right now? Likely... but they'll just have to stand in line and wait their turn! I remember a saying I once heard someone say about money. "Spend it on what brings you joy, because you can't take it with you when you die!" Nothing gives me more joy and peace than knowing my kids are safe.
BLT and I will still get our happily ever after - it will just be on a smaller scale. This will leave us some money to put towards making sure we get the best GAL possible and make sure the kids are taken care of. I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I mean honestly... we've made it this far. The rest of this should be smooth sailing!
She told my X that he doesn't get to disappear from the children's life for two years, and then just expect to walk back into it without any sort of gradual reintroduction. She agrees with my insistence that he needs a mental health evaluation by a clinical therapist with a PhD and experience in Domestic Violence treatment. She mandated that he have therapy, parenting classes, and a batterers treatment program BEFORE he even gets to the point where he can have monitored visitation. She expressed concern that he doesn't seem to understand that what he did was wrong, that he commited domestic violence, and that he has damaged my children. She seemed to understand that as of yesterday he still wasn't accepting any responsibility for his actions, and until he got some help he wasn't going to get access to my children.
The X asked for the following things:
* Residential visitation in his home - DENIED
* Visitation, In his mothers home. Monitored by his Mother - DENIED
* No post conviction requirements, such as therapy or parenting classes - DENIED
* The right to have our phone numbers, address, emails and other contact information - DENIED
* The right to claim the kids as deductions on his taxes (even though he has yet to pay a penny in child support for two years!) - DENIED
* Removal of the Order of Protection on the children - DENIED
*Shared decision making for the children - DENIED
What he did get is the following:
* The ability to start writing his children letters - sent to their therapist for her review, and potential editing before they read them.
* A reduction in child support. She reduced the payment by 14.00 per month. He's paying a pittance as it is - only 100.00 more per month than Ethel's brother pays for his single child, and we have four children! For a man so desperate to see his kids he's sure doing everything within his power to avoid supporting them.
* The judge is making me pay 1/2 of the fee for the Guardian ad Lidem and for 1/2 of his monitored visitation! Why the hell I have to pay half of the fee for HIS visitation and monitoring...when he's the dangerous one who screwed up and went to jail is beyond me!
So that's the long and the short of it. For the most part I got everything I wanted. The kids are safe, the re-introduction will be slow and gradual, and monitored in a professional facility by trained personnel. He will have to pass a Psych evaluation and take some much needed classes. And most importantly, a Guardian ad Lidem is appointed to help investigate and determine what is in the best interest of my kids.
It REALLY sucks that I have to come up with money to pay for half of the GAL and monitoring... especially when I didn't do anything wrong, but if it keeps the kids safe then I don't care if I have to do bikini car washes, scrub toilets, or scoop dog crap in the park to make the 3,000.00 bucks to pay for it. I'll figure it out.
BLT and I decided to scale way back on the wedding plans and use that money instead to help pay for the GAL. It means no fancy triple cheesecakes (we will likely do a simple home made cake), no full plated dinner (appetizers and cocktails instead) and sorry family, but no open bar! I'm going to wait until Easter time and hopefully get the 3 little girls discounted Easter Dresses instead of fancy flower girl dresses. I am considering taking back my wedding dress too... it's a silly expense, and I don't need to spend money on a dress. I'll make my invites, and we won't have a photographer. I'll ask our guests to bring their digital cameras and just email us all the photos they take.
We've also decided that a honeymoon isn't an option. Maybe later in the year we can get away for a day or two once the kids are out of school for the summer. I was thinking that we could keep an eye out for some kind of airline / hotel deal someplace close by for just a weekend, or even drive out of town and find a lovely little bed and breakfast to snuggle into for a few days. Either way... we're patient!
Speaking of money - when it rains it pours it seems. Yesterday when I woke up we found that someone smashed out the window in my car and stole a purse I didn't realize got left inside. Add to that, the dentist just called me. They apparently mis-quoted and billed me incorrectly and I owe them an additional 383.00 for some dental work I had done last week.
LOL...could anyone else possibly need money from me right now? Likely... but they'll just have to stand in line and wait their turn! I remember a saying I once heard someone say about money. "Spend it on what brings you joy, because you can't take it with you when you die!" Nothing gives me more joy and peace than knowing my kids are safe.
BLT and I will still get our happily ever after - it will just be on a smaller scale. This will leave us some money to put towards making sure we get the best GAL possible and make sure the kids are taken care of. I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I mean honestly... we've made it this far. The rest of this should be smooth sailing!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Fool me once...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Isn't that how the saying goes? I have nobody to blame for my current predicament except myself. See, someone I trusted lied to me. They had the best of intentions at the time, and I would like to think they honestly believed what they were saying... but when push came to shove they caved under pressure and sided with my X instead of doing what is right and standing firm. And by going back on their word to me they've put my kids in danger.
I should have known better. This person did this once before. They laid out an edict that said, "I don't support him, I won't let him live in my house unless he does X, Y, and Z... etc and so forth." But when the time came they didn't keep their word. They caved... standing firm was too hard in the face of my ex and all my former in laws (and their money).
Knowing this I let this person back into my life... I listened to their promises. I believed them. I shared and was honest and vulnerable with them, and I made declarations to the court in a legally binding statement because of the information this person gave me... and now I look like a liar. I look like a fool. I look like the kind of person that makes up things. I look like a flake.
I am hurt and I feel betrayed, not only by this person - but by myself as well. I didn't listen to my little inner voice that was shouting "don't trust... don't believe." I'm very scared of going to court tomorrow. I haven't seen my ex since that night when he brought the gun to my house. I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I'm afraid if things don't go our way that my girls will feel like I let them down. I feel like we've lost another member of our family to this disaster - because, no matter what the outcome is I'll never be able to trust this person again. I'll never let them close to us again. There's too much at stake.
And worse of all... I feel like my kids are in danger. If my X has half a chance I absolutely believe that he'll make good on his threats to steal my children in order to punish me.
We will be in court at 1:30. If you're so inclined, say a little prayer for my children and their safety and let the judge see all the lies and excuses for what they are.
I should have known better. This person did this once before. They laid out an edict that said, "I don't support him, I won't let him live in my house unless he does X, Y, and Z... etc and so forth." But when the time came they didn't keep their word. They caved... standing firm was too hard in the face of my ex and all my former in laws (and their money).
Knowing this I let this person back into my life... I listened to their promises. I believed them. I shared and was honest and vulnerable with them, and I made declarations to the court in a legally binding statement because of the information this person gave me... and now I look like a liar. I look like a fool. I look like the kind of person that makes up things. I look like a flake.
I am hurt and I feel betrayed, not only by this person - but by myself as well. I didn't listen to my little inner voice that was shouting "don't trust... don't believe." I'm very scared of going to court tomorrow. I haven't seen my ex since that night when he brought the gun to my house. I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I'm afraid if things don't go our way that my girls will feel like I let them down. I feel like we've lost another member of our family to this disaster - because, no matter what the outcome is I'll never be able to trust this person again. I'll never let them close to us again. There's too much at stake.
And worse of all... I feel like my kids are in danger. If my X has half a chance I absolutely believe that he'll make good on his threats to steal my children in order to punish me.
We will be in court at 1:30. If you're so inclined, say a little prayer for my children and their safety and let the judge see all the lies and excuses for what they are.
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