Lady Bug fell down and broke her wrist last night. Poor kiddo. She said it hurt and she wanted to use the heating pad. This morning she got up and it's twice normal size, so off to the emergency clinic we went in a jiffy.
They can't cast it, due to the swelling. So for now it's in a special brace and a sling.
Don't you hate it when your wee ones are hurting? :(
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Trying not to get my hopes up...
A couple nights ago BLT and I had another one of our long talks. We came to the conclusion that it would likely be about six months before he could move up here. Having to wait for a transfer, and since he's loosing his rental he'll have to sign a lease on an apt. most likely that is a minimum of six months.
Neither one of us was thrilled with the idea, but we agreed that our relationship is worth the wait to be together more permanently, and we would just struggle through it.
Then today...
BLT went in to talk to his manager. He asked for a few minutes of his time early in the day. His manager got busy and couldn't talk to him until right before BLT was ready to leave for the day.
He explained about me being up here and asked what it would take for a transfer... his boss said; "man we've been waiting for this, lol, we saw your girl at the Christmas party!" hehe... he tossed that little ego boost in there just for me I'm sure, silly man.
Anyway the short version is that all BLT has to do is let him know what stores he's interested in (which he will do on Wednesday when he goes into work), and his boss will get the ball moving, he figures it won't be but a month or two at the most if BLT can get ready to go that soon!!! His boss told him how much he would be missed, because he's pretty much their most dependable "go to" guy, and they're sorry to see him go, but they'll give him a great reference and make sure they get the transfer all set up when he's ready for it!
He talked to his family, they'll let him stay with them in their spare room for a month or two if need be rather than getting stuck in a lease!
I don't want to get my hopes up. It's still in the planning stages, early baby steps and all that. But there is a part of me that wants him close so bad I can't help but feel that little flutter of excitement in my belly!
Neither one of us was thrilled with the idea, but we agreed that our relationship is worth the wait to be together more permanently, and we would just struggle through it.
Then today...
BLT went in to talk to his manager. He asked for a few minutes of his time early in the day. His manager got busy and couldn't talk to him until right before BLT was ready to leave for the day.
He explained about me being up here and asked what it would take for a transfer... his boss said; "man we've been waiting for this, lol, we saw your girl at the Christmas party!" hehe... he tossed that little ego boost in there just for me I'm sure, silly man.
Anyway the short version is that all BLT has to do is let him know what stores he's interested in (which he will do on Wednesday when he goes into work), and his boss will get the ball moving, he figures it won't be but a month or two at the most if BLT can get ready to go that soon!!! His boss told him how much he would be missed, because he's pretty much their most dependable "go to" guy, and they're sorry to see him go, but they'll give him a great reference and make sure they get the transfer all set up when he's ready for it!
He talked to his family, they'll let him stay with them in their spare room for a month or two if need be rather than getting stuck in a lease!
I don't want to get my hopes up. It's still in the planning stages, early baby steps and all that. But there is a part of me that wants him close so bad I can't help but feel that little flutter of excitement in my belly!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Single Mom Sexy?
Inspired by several posts over the past few weeks from some of my favorite bloggers, like this one from Canadian Bald Guy I'd like to take a moment to work out some stuff in my head in regards to my own, burgeoning sexuality. Feel free to hide your eyes or simply stop reading if you have no desire to know about my sex life... ya I'm talking to you Ethel. You won't hurt my feelings if this makes you uncomfortable.
For the first time in my life I feel sexy. I feel desired, I feel powerful in bed. I know that my BLT wants me. ME. And not because I'm there, or I'm convenient... because I'm not. I'm nearly 1000 miles away - and yet I know, deep down that I'm the only one that makes him feel like he does when we're together.
You can't fake that. When he looked in my eyes while we were making love and told me that it hadn't ever been this intense with anyone else, and I understood because I felt exactly the same way, it was intoxicating. Sex with BLT is always intense. From the very first time we were together it's been a whole new experience for me.
Sex with my X was at best, nice. It was comfortable, it was convenient. I shrugged off my lack of desire or my inability (frequently) to have an orgasm and chalked it up to motherhood, or hormones, or stress. All of which are a factor I'm sure. But what I realize now, is that I had no desire for my X, and I did not feel desired as a woman in return. I got married because I was in love with the idea of family and home and permanence. I moved around a lot and had a chaotic, non-traditional family life when I was growing up. At 19 I craved comfort, children, roots. Which is all great...if you choose the right person to plant down those roots with. I did not. I married the first guy I really dated, because he was in love with me. I thought that was enough.
I was horribly wrong.
At the age of 35 I'm finally growing into my sexuality. I'm discovering what I want, what I need, what my boundaries are - and I feel so safe and so desired with BLT that I'm willing to push those boundaries and see where it takes us. In other words, I'm having the most stunning, open, exciting, intense sex of my life.
I hate to keep comparing - but those are the frames of reference I have to draw from right now. When I would try and tell my X what I wanted or needed I was shot down, or ignored. Even after 15+ years together I didn't feel like I could talk openly about my desires with him. There was a level of embarrassment that just shouldn't be there between lovers, much less between a couple married for 10+ years. I realize now that we were not compatible in a lot of ways. I need that heat, the intensity, aggression and power and fire. My X preferred things slow, comfortable. He liked to do the exact same things in the exact same order...like a recipe for banana bread or something. He also needed CONSTANT ego stroking. He wasn't a confidant man, and no matter how many times I told him to take what he wanted, he was the kind that would rather whine about not getting enough sex. I told him flat out once, "I have four kids...I'm not going to be your mommy in the bedroom. Man up and be a little more aggressive please." He wasn't interested.
I become totally uninterested in pretending any more at that point. Shortly after that we started sleeping in separate rooms, or I came to bed hours after I knew he was asleep.
With BLT on the other hand everything he does turns me on. The way he'll run his hand down my back. The way he looks at me, like he wants to eat me alive. His smell, his taste, his lips. The deep, husky sound of his voice when he calls me sleepy, and I know exactly where the call will lead... god I live for those calls between our weekends together. Maybe it's the long distance, infrequent sex thing. Maybe it's the chemistry. Maybe it's both.
I think one of the things that is so incredible about my relationship with BLT is that we're so open. I feel no shame, nor any embarrassment when we talk about what we want when we make love. He is so straight forward with me, and in turn I know I could tell him anything and we could discuss it, or act upon it, without fear or condemnation. It's so liberating, and it really does make me feel powerful and vixen-ish.
I think my recently discovered sensuality must give off some kind of vibe. I find myself attracting far more attention these days than I ever have in my life. I can feel men's eyes on me when we go out. Not every man in the room, of course not, but now and then I can just tell. I check over my shoulder and some man will be looking at me in a primal sort of way that says, "I would love to drag you back to my man cave...ugg ugg" and it's flattering. It's a totally new sensation for me.
BLT seems to notice it. At a holiday party we were at he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "every man here is wondering how I got so lucky...you look amazing tonight baby." That little bit of validation was intoxicating. We managed to make it a whole half hour longer at the party before we raced home to be alone. It's ridiculous how crazy in love I am with that man....and the fact that I can't even compare this need I have for him to the old cliche' "like a horny teenager" because I never, in all my previous years, felt a desire or a need like this one. And the sexual curiosity and enthusiasm of youth is so generic....you're just horny, plain and simple. No, this is a specific and very direct need that only one person call fulfill.
It scares me how much I want him. How much I feel like I need him. I've never needed anyone before, not like this. This relationship has had so many firsts for me, this being a very lovely one. Even if we never were able to be together for the long run, I can't regret what he's taught me about myself. What we've discovered together, and who I am now because of it.
For the first time in my life I feel sexy. I feel desired, I feel powerful in bed. I know that my BLT wants me. ME. And not because I'm there, or I'm convenient... because I'm not. I'm nearly 1000 miles away - and yet I know, deep down that I'm the only one that makes him feel like he does when we're together.
You can't fake that. When he looked in my eyes while we were making love and told me that it hadn't ever been this intense with anyone else, and I understood because I felt exactly the same way, it was intoxicating. Sex with BLT is always intense. From the very first time we were together it's been a whole new experience for me.
Sex with my X was at best, nice. It was comfortable, it was convenient. I shrugged off my lack of desire or my inability (frequently) to have an orgasm and chalked it up to motherhood, or hormones, or stress. All of which are a factor I'm sure. But what I realize now, is that I had no desire for my X, and I did not feel desired as a woman in return. I got married because I was in love with the idea of family and home and permanence. I moved around a lot and had a chaotic, non-traditional family life when I was growing up. At 19 I craved comfort, children, roots. Which is all great...if you choose the right person to plant down those roots with. I did not. I married the first guy I really dated, because he was in love with me. I thought that was enough.
I was horribly wrong.
At the age of 35 I'm finally growing into my sexuality. I'm discovering what I want, what I need, what my boundaries are - and I feel so safe and so desired with BLT that I'm willing to push those boundaries and see where it takes us. In other words, I'm having the most stunning, open, exciting, intense sex of my life.
I hate to keep comparing - but those are the frames of reference I have to draw from right now. When I would try and tell my X what I wanted or needed I was shot down, or ignored. Even after 15+ years together I didn't feel like I could talk openly about my desires with him. There was a level of embarrassment that just shouldn't be there between lovers, much less between a couple married for 10+ years. I realize now that we were not compatible in a lot of ways. I need that heat, the intensity, aggression and power and fire. My X preferred things slow, comfortable. He liked to do the exact same things in the exact same order...like a recipe for banana bread or something. He also needed CONSTANT ego stroking. He wasn't a confidant man, and no matter how many times I told him to take what he wanted, he was the kind that would rather whine about not getting enough sex. I told him flat out once, "I have four kids...I'm not going to be your mommy in the bedroom. Man up and be a little more aggressive please." He wasn't interested.
I become totally uninterested in pretending any more at that point. Shortly after that we started sleeping in separate rooms, or I came to bed hours after I knew he was asleep.
With BLT on the other hand everything he does turns me on. The way he'll run his hand down my back. The way he looks at me, like he wants to eat me alive. His smell, his taste, his lips. The deep, husky sound of his voice when he calls me sleepy, and I know exactly where the call will lead... god I live for those calls between our weekends together. Maybe it's the long distance, infrequent sex thing. Maybe it's the chemistry. Maybe it's both.
I think one of the things that is so incredible about my relationship with BLT is that we're so open. I feel no shame, nor any embarrassment when we talk about what we want when we make love. He is so straight forward with me, and in turn I know I could tell him anything and we could discuss it, or act upon it, without fear or condemnation. It's so liberating, and it really does make me feel powerful and vixen-ish.
I think my recently discovered sensuality must give off some kind of vibe. I find myself attracting far more attention these days than I ever have in my life. I can feel men's eyes on me when we go out. Not every man in the room, of course not, but now and then I can just tell. I check over my shoulder and some man will be looking at me in a primal sort of way that says, "I would love to drag you back to my man cave...ugg ugg" and it's flattering. It's a totally new sensation for me.
BLT seems to notice it. At a holiday party we were at he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "every man here is wondering how I got so lucky...you look amazing tonight baby." That little bit of validation was intoxicating. We managed to make it a whole half hour longer at the party before we raced home to be alone. It's ridiculous how crazy in love I am with that man....and the fact that I can't even compare this need I have for him to the old cliche' "like a horny teenager" because I never, in all my previous years, felt a desire or a need like this one. And the sexual curiosity and enthusiasm of youth is so generic....you're just horny, plain and simple. No, this is a specific and very direct need that only one person call fulfill.
It scares me how much I want him. How much I feel like I need him. I've never needed anyone before, not like this. This relationship has had so many firsts for me, this being a very lovely one. Even if we never were able to be together for the long run, I can't regret what he's taught me about myself. What we've discovered together, and who I am now because of it.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Things I learned this week
Just some little kernels of knowledge to pass on....
1. Do not ever, EVER, try to run four miles in a thong. Just don't.
2. Grown women should not wear any of the following: Betty Boop apparel, sparkly red "Dorothy" shoes, over sized hair bows, bedazzled blazers, or pants with appliqued pink flamingos on them. Yes, I saw all of these in the past week or so...and yes, each one was horrifying. I repeat, Just Don't Do It.
3. Big girls excel at Roller Derby. Hip-Check anyone?
4. I am not a nice person when you take away my sugar. I hope my children and co-workers survive the 2 week low carb/low sugar diet I'm on to kick start my metabolism and try to shed some of this last 10 lbs. If nobody hears from me for a few days I'm sure someone bonked me on the head and stuffed me in the trunk of my car.
5. Don't borrow a 10 year olds iPod to use when you run unless you really love hearing every Hannah Montana song ever recorded, and few renditions of those songs by the Chipmunks just for good measure. This technique will however increase your run speed since you desperately want to get home and make it stop!!
6. Sometimes when you ask for help you actually get it. Who knew?!
7. Yes, one person may have the power to royally fuck up your life....but another person, with three little words, "I love you", can make it all feel right again.
8. Sometimes children see a situation so clearly, and accept it as such in an uncomplicated way. Things we adults have to muck up and complicate with ulterior motives, second guesses, and our own personal baggage. I want to be more like my children sometimes.
1. Do not ever, EVER, try to run four miles in a thong. Just don't.
2. Grown women should not wear any of the following: Betty Boop apparel, sparkly red "Dorothy" shoes, over sized hair bows, bedazzled blazers, or pants with appliqued pink flamingos on them. Yes, I saw all of these in the past week or so...and yes, each one was horrifying. I repeat, Just Don't Do It.
3. Big girls excel at Roller Derby. Hip-Check anyone?
4. I am not a nice person when you take away my sugar. I hope my children and co-workers survive the 2 week low carb/low sugar diet I'm on to kick start my metabolism and try to shed some of this last 10 lbs. If nobody hears from me for a few days I'm sure someone bonked me on the head and stuffed me in the trunk of my car.
5. Don't borrow a 10 year olds iPod to use when you run unless you really love hearing every Hannah Montana song ever recorded, and few renditions of those songs by the Chipmunks just for good measure. This technique will however increase your run speed since you desperately want to get home and make it stop!!
6. Sometimes when you ask for help you actually get it. Who knew?!
7. Yes, one person may have the power to royally fuck up your life....but another person, with three little words, "I love you", can make it all feel right again.
8. Sometimes children see a situation so clearly, and accept it as such in an uncomplicated way. Things we adults have to muck up and complicate with ulterior motives, second guesses, and our own personal baggage. I want to be more like my children sometimes.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
When you can't do a thing to help... that sucks....
I'm running into this situation a lot lately. Someone I love will be in pain, or have some kind of need and I am totally, 100% unable to do a damn thing to help.
Lady Bug, the third of my four kids is hurting so very much. She's desperate for word from her father, but with the no contact order in place she won't be hearing from him for awhile. I know she's sad, I know she's missing him (God only knows why) and I would ease her pain if I could. But that's not within my power at the moment.
My bestest buddy and right hand girl Ethel and her hubs Fred are having marital issues, as well as very serious financial issues. Once again, I am powerless to offer anything of value to ease their struggles. If I had the money I would give it to them in a heart beat, but I am just barely able to keep clothes on my kids backs and food in their bellies. Were it not for the financial support I get from my family when they can I would be in trouble of my own. Ethel and Fred's car was repo'ed this morning... an embarrassing and sobering result of some poor financial decisions/layoffs etc. and sadly I can do Nada, zip, zilch to ease their struggles.
My BLT lost a good friend, and his rental all in the same month. He's recovering from the loss of his friend - but I really wish I had been there when he needed me. Another casualty of the long distance relationship. He's having trouble finding a place he can afford to rent on his own, it's VERY expensive where he lives. What I wish he would say is, "oh hell with it, I've packed my truck Doll and I'm headed north... let's make this happen!" But it's not going to work out that way, I know that.... and I can't be there once again to help him pack, or move, or just for moral support.
All in all I feel like a little bit of a failure in the mother, friend, lover department these days. I'm just not good for much other than a hug and an open ear to vent to.
Lady Bug, the third of my four kids is hurting so very much. She's desperate for word from her father, but with the no contact order in place she won't be hearing from him for awhile. I know she's sad, I know she's missing him (God only knows why) and I would ease her pain if I could. But that's not within my power at the moment.
My bestest buddy and right hand girl Ethel and her hubs Fred are having marital issues, as well as very serious financial issues. Once again, I am powerless to offer anything of value to ease their struggles. If I had the money I would give it to them in a heart beat, but I am just barely able to keep clothes on my kids backs and food in their bellies. Were it not for the financial support I get from my family when they can I would be in trouble of my own. Ethel and Fred's car was repo'ed this morning... an embarrassing and sobering result of some poor financial decisions/layoffs etc. and sadly I can do Nada, zip, zilch to ease their struggles.
My BLT lost a good friend, and his rental all in the same month. He's recovering from the loss of his friend - but I really wish I had been there when he needed me. Another casualty of the long distance relationship. He's having trouble finding a place he can afford to rent on his own, it's VERY expensive where he lives. What I wish he would say is, "oh hell with it, I've packed my truck Doll and I'm headed north... let's make this happen!" But it's not going to work out that way, I know that.... and I can't be there once again to help him pack, or move, or just for moral support.
All in all I feel like a little bit of a failure in the mother, friend, lover department these days. I'm just not good for much other than a hug and an open ear to vent to.
Monday, April 12, 2010
I was Ninja Kissed!
Seriously...kinda out of the blue a guy laid one on me. He was pretty cute, but WAY too young, as in "once I'm done playing with your nice young manly bits I'll tuck you in and read you a bed time story before I turn on the night light" kinda young.
Okay not THAT young...but at least 10 years younger than I am... I would estimate no more than about 23.
I went to the Roller Derby on Saturday. I know, I know, what great story doesn't start with the sentence, "so I'm at the roller derby..."? Anyway, there I am rooting for the Throttle Rockets, hehehe, and a group of three young guys asks if the seats next to me are available. My group shifts down and they sit.
They were fun, and the couple behind me from Australia was hysterical, and we're all drinking beer and having a good time. We decide to take some group photos and BAM, the before mentioned young cutie turns and plants one on me - tongue and all.
Shocked the shit out of me!
Then the funny stuff went down, lol. He looks at my left hand
Cutie: "I see you're not married"
Me: "most definitely NOT"
Cutie: "ahhh divorced...nice..."
At this point I decide to play with the poor dear just a bit... I know it's not nice....
Me: "my X is in jail for trying to shoot me in the head"
Cutie: "shit...when does he get out?"
Me: "next year".
Cutie: "oh, plenty of time for fun then!"
Me: "I suppose there could be"
At this point Cutie is looking at the pictures on my camera to see if they got one when he was planting the lip lock on me. He sees a photo of my kids.
Cutie: "you have KIDS?" (he eyes me up and down)
Me: "yep, I have four of them"
Cutie: " (GULP) uhhh...wow... guess we're done kissin' then..."
Me: "yes we are"
LMAO!!! a little bit later he scootched back over by me and said, "hey I would totally have asked you for your number, cause you're HOT, but uh... four kids...wow, I mean that's a lot of kids... "
I thanked him for the compliment and let him know the cute blond one row down and four seats over had been eyeing him all night, she was a much better bet. LOL....
About forty five minutes later Cutie was kicked out of the arena for being too loud and swearing (I'm not sure how that's possible at the Roller Derby of all places) and as he was leaving he's swearing a blue streak, removing his shirt, and waving it around like a total moron.
This is why I have an age requirement for all my playmates... lol... I prefer them a bit older and wiser thank you. I'm not interested in training, and even less so in mothering them, yuck.
That was absolutely a first for me. I have never had some unknown guy Ninja Kiss me out of the blue! I guess it does a girls ego good and all, but that poor kid had no chance in hell from the get go. My sweet, sexy BLT is all the MAN I need, and he's more than worth the wait. Sorry Cutie...better luck next time!
Okay not THAT young...but at least 10 years younger than I am... I would estimate no more than about 23.
I went to the Roller Derby on Saturday. I know, I know, what great story doesn't start with the sentence, "so I'm at the roller derby..."? Anyway, there I am rooting for the Throttle Rockets, hehehe, and a group of three young guys asks if the seats next to me are available. My group shifts down and they sit.
They were fun, and the couple behind me from Australia was hysterical, and we're all drinking beer and having a good time. We decide to take some group photos and BAM, the before mentioned young cutie turns and plants one on me - tongue and all.
Shocked the shit out of me!
Then the funny stuff went down, lol. He looks at my left hand
Cutie: "I see you're not married"
Me: "most definitely NOT"
Cutie: "ahhh divorced...nice..."
At this point I decide to play with the poor dear just a bit... I know it's not nice....
Me: "my X is in jail for trying to shoot me in the head"
Cutie: "shit...when does he get out?"
Me: "next year".
Cutie: "oh, plenty of time for fun then!"
Me: "I suppose there could be"
At this point Cutie is looking at the pictures on my camera to see if they got one when he was planting the lip lock on me. He sees a photo of my kids.
Cutie: "you have KIDS?" (he eyes me up and down)
Me: "yep, I have four of them"
Cutie: " (GULP) uhhh...wow... guess we're done kissin' then..."
Me: "yes we are"
LMAO!!! a little bit later he scootched back over by me and said, "hey I would totally have asked you for your number, cause you're HOT, but uh... four kids...wow, I mean that's a lot of kids... "
I thanked him for the compliment and let him know the cute blond one row down and four seats over had been eyeing him all night, she was a much better bet. LOL....
About forty five minutes later Cutie was kicked out of the arena for being too loud and swearing (I'm not sure how that's possible at the Roller Derby of all places) and as he was leaving he's swearing a blue streak, removing his shirt, and waving it around like a total moron.
This is why I have an age requirement for all my playmates... lol... I prefer them a bit older and wiser thank you. I'm not interested in training, and even less so in mothering them, yuck.
That was absolutely a first for me. I have never had some unknown guy Ninja Kiss me out of the blue! I guess it does a girls ego good and all, but that poor kid had no chance in hell from the get go. My sweet, sexy BLT is all the MAN I need, and he's more than worth the wait. Sorry Cutie...better luck next time!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Perfect Timing
In so many little ways BLT and I are in perfect sync with each other. The only other person I have that with is Ethel. These two important people in my life seem to have this 6th sense when it comes to me.
They call when I'm at my lowest point. They seem to know when I'm thinking of them and wanting to talk and BOOM BABY my phone rings. They can tell when I'm holding something back and they call me on it when I'm not being 100% honest with myself. While this can be annoying when I want to retreat into my shell and hide from the truth - I need people in my life who know my cues and force me to be real.
Intimately BLT and I are in sync as well. I've never been with anyone who knows what I need, or what I want without me having to say anything. Maybe it's the honest communication we work so hard at. When I need aggression and someone else to take charge he's there, when I need someone to hold me softly and reassure me with tender words he whispers all the right things in my ear.
Last night was a perfect example. I was sitting there thinking of him. Thinking over the past couple weeks and the whole distance/acceptance thing I posted about and like magic my phone rings. He was thinking of me too. An hour later a lot of things had been said that we both needed to hear.
All in all I'm feeling very loved and supported at the moment. With Ethel always there to be my sounding board and my reality check and BLT and I growing closer every day - I'm in a good place right now. It's a nice feeling.
I think T had it exactly right in this post: Relationship Purgatory "we committed to each other without even knowing it."
Every time BLT and I talk about our future or our past, we integrate ourselves a little more into each other's lives. Each time we make love, each time we meet another family member or friend we move a little closer to some kind of future together- but not knowing exactly what that future may hold is scary sometimes.
Continuing on my theme of acceptance, I'm working on just accepting the relationship we have now, as it is. I'll have to let the future play out as it will, and just keep my heart open and keep working on the open communication we've got going - because it's a huge part of our relationship and why we are so in sync with each other I think. I wouldn't give that up for anything.
Hmmm...I do wonder if it's kind of weird that I fell in love with a man who is so much like my best friend, lol. They even share the same astrological sign (if you believe in astrology and all that), have birth dates 19 days apart, give me nearly the exact same advice, and have very similar view points about life, love, and family.
They call when I'm at my lowest point. They seem to know when I'm thinking of them and wanting to talk and BOOM BABY my phone rings. They can tell when I'm holding something back and they call me on it when I'm not being 100% honest with myself. While this can be annoying when I want to retreat into my shell and hide from the truth - I need people in my life who know my cues and force me to be real.
Intimately BLT and I are in sync as well. I've never been with anyone who knows what I need, or what I want without me having to say anything. Maybe it's the honest communication we work so hard at. When I need aggression and someone else to take charge he's there, when I need someone to hold me softly and reassure me with tender words he whispers all the right things in my ear.
Last night was a perfect example. I was sitting there thinking of him. Thinking over the past couple weeks and the whole distance/acceptance thing I posted about and like magic my phone rings. He was thinking of me too. An hour later a lot of things had been said that we both needed to hear.
All in all I'm feeling very loved and supported at the moment. With Ethel always there to be my sounding board and my reality check and BLT and I growing closer every day - I'm in a good place right now. It's a nice feeling.
I think T had it exactly right in this post: Relationship Purgatory "we committed to each other without even knowing it."
Every time BLT and I talk about our future or our past, we integrate ourselves a little more into each other's lives. Each time we make love, each time we meet another family member or friend we move a little closer to some kind of future together- but not knowing exactly what that future may hold is scary sometimes.
Continuing on my theme of acceptance, I'm working on just accepting the relationship we have now, as it is. I'll have to let the future play out as it will, and just keep my heart open and keep working on the open communication we've got going - because it's a huge part of our relationship and why we are so in sync with each other I think. I wouldn't give that up for anything.
Hmmm...I do wonder if it's kind of weird that I fell in love with a man who is so much like my best friend, lol. They even share the same astrological sign (if you believe in astrology and all that), have birth dates 19 days apart, give me nearly the exact same advice, and have very similar view points about life, love, and family.
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