Part of the whole dysfunction that is my extended family is the result of some interesting marrying in between my X's family and my own. Not necessarily in a Hillbilly Shotgun wedding sort of way... but I'll totally admit that my Great Grandparents were second cousins. Seriously... weird I know.
Well it works like this. Mr In-Law started out as my Uncle. He was married to my father's sister and divorced for about 15 years. My senior year in high school he met my X's mother - we'll call her Drama Momma. Well Mr. In-Law and Drama Momma hit it off and several years later they were married. So my Uncle became my Father in Law, and my Cousin became my Sister in Law.
What I can't wrap my mind around is how the X commits the horrible crime that he does against me, he says and does all the terrible and irresponsible things to the children... and in the end I'm the one who's loosing her friends and family. I'm the one who gets letters in the mail asking me to beg God for forgiveness for my sins so that he'll repair my marriage because my X "is a good man who lost his way". I'm the one who's Uncle, who knew her for her entire life, chose the X's family over her. I'm the one who's cousin is barely speaking to her because, even though she doesn't like the X, she feels the need to protect Mr. In Law, her father.
All my cousins and extended family from that side are blaming me for all of this. I was told that I wasn't welcome in their home during Christmas. They said I should plan on dropping off the kids and leaving. Even though I haven't seen my cousins in three years, and they'll be up for the holidays, I'm not welcome. I can't come by and spend time with them.... I'm not wanted and it hurts.
I know that when the X and I got divorced I was also, in a way, divorcing his family. I just didn't realize I would be divorcing my own as well. Like a fool I assumed that our long standing relationship would withstand this, that I would always have their love and support. I should be strong enough and self sufficient enough to say, "to hell with you then" - but I'm not.
It hurts.
It's confusing and frustrating.
I don't think there's a damn thing I can do about it but hope it stops breaking my heart some day soon because sometimes I feel like I've lost so much I can't take loosing anything else.
I understand completely!!
ReplyDeleteWhen my ex and I divorced I also lost any connections I had with his family. He had made up so many awful lies about me anyway, I wouldn't have wanted to be around me either, LOL.
My best friend is his daughter (he was much older than me). She was estranged from him until she was in her 20's... She introduced us, after she met him..
Anyway, since she wasn't close to her Dad (my ex), EVER, I could not understand why she chose sides during our divorce and won't speak to me now. (she doesn't even speak to him all that much anyway, maybe 3 times a year, so I wondered why that would be worth losing a 15+ years CLOSE friendship??)
When I asked her about it she said, "I know that me and him are not close, and don't really have a relationship, but he is my Dad, and I figured I should stick by him."
I was devastated! But I realized that if she is that set on "blood is thicker than water" then she is not worth my time!!
I hope you can say, "THE HELL WITH THEM." Sometime very soon!! But, I know it hurts. BAD!
well for one - he's gonna do whatever his wife tells him unless he wants to live in the doghouse ya know? that's just the way relationships go when u are married to a drama momma. LOL and of course the majority of mothers are gonna stand by their son even if he is a good for nothing piece of crap that tried to kill you and as for the cousins - they aren't strong enough to stand up to their parents for what's right.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it hurts a lot but you'll be better off w/out them in the end. Don't know that I'd let the kids over there unchaperoned though because you know who's going to be there with unfettered access to your kids - a big negative to that! that's why they don't want you there - since you won't let them have them alone then there going to try and backdoor there way in. You are there mother and you decide who gets unsupervised access to your kids and if they don't like it (i.e. your not allowed there then that means your kids aren't either) I'm sure they'll call you the bad one but the truth is only you know what is best for your kids and only you get to decide - PERIOD.