The past three days my TNT has had a REALLY hard time at the day care center. Her teacher said she was weepy, and anti-social. TNT is normally very social, but the past few days she has refused to participate and spent the whole time (two days in a row) crying and hiding. Then Monkey Pants, being protective of her sister, got into the act too.
I sat TNT down tonight for a long talk to get to the bottom of this behavior. It turns out that TNT and Monkey Pants decided that BLT left and would never come back. She said, "BLT left and HE'S NEVER COMING BACK!" Monkey pants said, "I miss his hugs, I'm sad."
You see, when my X lost his mind and brought that gun to my house he first tucked the kids into bed at his house, and then he never came back. He was arrested after a six hour stand off with the police, and they haven't heard from or seen him since - as he is now a guest of the state.
In their world, when someone leaves while you're asleep they just don't come back. BLT had to leave for the airport at 4:00 am, so they woke up to his absence. Instead of talking to me about it TNT got sad and then defiant. I didn't put the two together instantly because we spent months working on their separation issues. It took a long time to convince them that I would ALWAYS come back, no matter what. I thought we had worked through those fears, but apparently there are still some lingering doubts in their mind, or some fear of being abandoned.
BLT called tonight, and after I described her behavior, and what she said to me he asked to talk to both of them - he assured them that he was coming home. He told them that he missed them. It was like all the sadness just disappeared in an instant. Tonight they are painting pictures and so much more settled and content.
Apparently I'm not the only one missing him.
How wonderful he could reassure them. It's endearing to read.
ReplyDeleteAww....bless your family. Yes, it truly is a family.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Thank God you have a great relationship with them, filled with honesty and sharing, that they would feel comfortable telling you why they're acting out. And thank God they are aware enough of their feelings to share them with you.
ReplyDeleteEverything's gonna be all right...
When my ex and I split up, we sat the kids down on the couch and told them what was going on... they cried, we cried, they didn't understand. Things were tough for some time, our Golden Retriever was killed 2 weeks later trying to get to where I was staying, the kids found him... but years later, we can be civil and get along. We parent the same... we have our differences but our kids come first!
ReplyDeleteAwww ... this made me feel gushy. <3
ReplyDeleteAwesomeness. I think that fear of abandonment will come up from time to time. The way the two of you responded with love and patience is such a good example.
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