* This past week I took the kids for some Hillbilly Redneck (aka free) fun down by the river. I tossed their life jackets on them and let them splash and play in the nice cold river near our house. Once we were walking home my little Monkey Pants looked at me and said; "I would kiss you mommy but I have River Lips!"
* There are two bulldogs at work. The younger of the two is shall we say "greeting" BLT with a nose right to the crotch. Charming. When he objects my oldest looks at BLT and says; "Hey she's just saying hello... now it's your turn. Be polite and sniff her butt!" I couldn't help it, I laughed out loud at BLT's horrified look. Yep, that's one classy kid I've got there!
* One of the fine men in my tiny town called me beautiful and offered to take me home last week. When he smiled both of his teeth looked nice. I was sure to send BLT a text message and let him know there was some competition for my affections. He asked me if this fine fellow was an "Urban Camper" lol... nope. Not homeless, just toothless. Yeppers, that's my demographic. The toothless single guys just love me.
* TNT's day care teacher is having a baby this Autumn. She told TNT that she wouldn't be back to work after the baby was born and TNT looked her right in the eye and said; "Great... and I was just starting to like you too!" ZOINKS.... guess we better work on that verbal filter.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
What's His Motivation?
I've been thinking a lot about what my X's motivation is for the things that he does, and more so lately for the things that he doesn't do.
The family court judge told my X that he was supposed to write letters to the kids for 60 days. The goal of these letters (PLURAL) was to reintroduce himself to the children in a non threatening way, and to establish some level of communication. He sent one letter.
The judge said that a GAL (Guardian Ad Lidem) was to be agreed upon and hired within 30 days, or the first available GAL who met specific criteria was to be hired. It's been over 2 months and my X is still stalling, and arguing over who that GAL will be. He is refusing to work with the GAL appointed by the court. He presented the option of a male GAL which just won't work. We present option 2 and he claims she's too expensive.... the man who hasn't had to pay a dime in child support in two years, who's legal bills are all paid for by his mommy, who lived with said Drama Momma once he got out of jail, and who's debts were cleared for him while he sat in jail so he could start fresh upon his release... ya, that guy is now complaining about having to pay half of the GAL fee.
I'm responsible for paying the other half. And raising the kids. And paying for my therapy for what he did to us. I'm the one drowning in debt and fielding calls from collection agents looking for money for the debts dumped in my lap by both the divorce and his incarceration. Do you see me playing games with the GAL? No. Just the poor "victim" of an Ex-Husband I'm stuck with.
He says he wants to see his children. He writes long weepy declarations to the court about how his children have been poisoned against him, and how he's harassed by my family and by myself. He wears this mantle of victimization proudly and whines incessantly that he's financially strapped.
Why?
I don't understand what he's trying to achieve. If it was actually to see his kids wouldn't he be writing the letters, getting the court required therapy, and working like hell to get the GAL appointed?
If he was trying to save money wouldn't he avoid going back and forth to family court and dragging this out?
If he was trying to punish me wouldn't he realize that being in my life and in the kids life is the true punishment? That by dragging this out we're all actually HAPPIER because we don't have to deal with him directly?
I hate not understanding what his goal is. I don't know how to anticipate his next move. I can't prepare myself or my kids for whats to come, because I don't have any clue what he's trying to accomplish... and that makes me anxious.
Trying to understand the inner workings of a crazy man's mind is surely going to make me crazy too!
The family court judge told my X that he was supposed to write letters to the kids for 60 days. The goal of these letters (PLURAL) was to reintroduce himself to the children in a non threatening way, and to establish some level of communication. He sent one letter.
The judge said that a GAL (Guardian Ad Lidem) was to be agreed upon and hired within 30 days, or the first available GAL who met specific criteria was to be hired. It's been over 2 months and my X is still stalling, and arguing over who that GAL will be. He is refusing to work with the GAL appointed by the court. He presented the option of a male GAL which just won't work. We present option 2 and he claims she's too expensive.... the man who hasn't had to pay a dime in child support in two years, who's legal bills are all paid for by his mommy, who lived with said Drama Momma once he got out of jail, and who's debts were cleared for him while he sat in jail so he could start fresh upon his release... ya, that guy is now complaining about having to pay half of the GAL fee.
I'm responsible for paying the other half. And raising the kids. And paying for my therapy for what he did to us. I'm the one drowning in debt and fielding calls from collection agents looking for money for the debts dumped in my lap by both the divorce and his incarceration. Do you see me playing games with the GAL? No. Just the poor "victim" of an Ex-Husband I'm stuck with.
He says he wants to see his children. He writes long weepy declarations to the court about how his children have been poisoned against him, and how he's harassed by my family and by myself. He wears this mantle of victimization proudly and whines incessantly that he's financially strapped.
Why?
I don't understand what he's trying to achieve. If it was actually to see his kids wouldn't he be writing the letters, getting the court required therapy, and working like hell to get the GAL appointed?
If he was trying to save money wouldn't he avoid going back and forth to family court and dragging this out?
If he was trying to punish me wouldn't he realize that being in my life and in the kids life is the true punishment? That by dragging this out we're all actually HAPPIER because we don't have to deal with him directly?
I hate not understanding what his goal is. I don't know how to anticipate his next move. I can't prepare myself or my kids for whats to come, because I don't have any clue what he's trying to accomplish... and that makes me anxious.
Trying to understand the inner workings of a crazy man's mind is surely going to make me crazy too!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Being Lonely Is Not the Same As Being Alone
I get these peppy little messages from the "Universe" sent to my email every morning. Just little blurbs to remind me to be thankful, to have faith in the greater good of people, or to believe in myself. Positive affirmations I guess you could call them.
Well today's email contained a simple message that struck me quite deeply. Just because one feels lonely does not mean that they are in fact alone.
I had an Ah Ha moment. One of the things my darling Ethel has been struggling with is loneliness, and the fear that she won't find someone to love her just the way that she is. She is feeling lonely.... but all that means.... are you listening dear heart? Yes YOU... the little blond one there with the funky vintage bracelet and the semi retarded Labrador...
I means that you're not paying attention to the people around you. Your loneliness comes from a place of fear. It means that you're not taking advantage of all the people who love you, and support you. You're not enjoying the company and companionship of the people in your life who enjoy YOU and want to participate in your life. Just the way you are. Every quirk, every self imagined "flaw", every strength (and there are many) and every beautiful thing that make you Ethel.
Because once you do... once you truly embrace all the love, friendship, compassion, and enjoyment of the people who choose to be in your life I can't imagine you'll have time for loneliness. And once you've opened up your heart and fully accepted how amazing you are then love - TRUE, REAL, LASTING LOVE can also enter your world.
Because really - until we love ourselves we aren't open to the love of someone else. Until we know that we are worthy we don't command the kind of respect and affection we deserve.
It's easy to say.... and harder to do. I know that. But try and be kind and patient with yourself, and if you are feeling lonely remember to look around. There are quite a few of us who love you and want to spend time with you.
Well today's email contained a simple message that struck me quite deeply. Just because one feels lonely does not mean that they are in fact alone.
I had an Ah Ha moment. One of the things my darling Ethel has been struggling with is loneliness, and the fear that she won't find someone to love her just the way that she is. She is feeling lonely.... but all that means.... are you listening dear heart? Yes YOU... the little blond one there with the funky vintage bracelet and the semi retarded Labrador...
I means that you're not paying attention to the people around you. Your loneliness comes from a place of fear. It means that you're not taking advantage of all the people who love you, and support you. You're not enjoying the company and companionship of the people in your life who enjoy YOU and want to participate in your life. Just the way you are. Every quirk, every self imagined "flaw", every strength (and there are many) and every beautiful thing that make you Ethel.
Because once you do... once you truly embrace all the love, friendship, compassion, and enjoyment of the people who choose to be in your life I can't imagine you'll have time for loneliness. And once you've opened up your heart and fully accepted how amazing you are then love - TRUE, REAL, LASTING LOVE can also enter your world.
Because really - until we love ourselves we aren't open to the love of someone else. Until we know that we are worthy we don't command the kind of respect and affection we deserve.
It's easy to say.... and harder to do. I know that. But try and be kind and patient with yourself, and if you are feeling lonely remember to look around. There are quite a few of us who love you and want to spend time with you.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Watching your parents get older
It's hard to watch your parents age. I recently found a photograph of my parents from about 11 years ago. My mom looks trim and her hair is solid black. My dad is smiling, and he has my daughter on his shoulders.
My dad is living with Lupus. Every day is a battle. His kidney's don't work efficiently so his hands and feet get enormously swollen. His face and tongue have areas of numbness. He has to drink with a straw, and he won't eat in front of other people. He recently went to his 40th year reunion and he was too embarrassed to have dinner at the restaurant with everyone else. He waited and ate alone in his hotel room after the event. It makes me sad to know he's self conscious. It's hard to know he's in physical pain a lot.
My dad is a good man. He's a hard working man. Even with all of his health problems he works at our business six days a week to help ensure a good future for the kids and I. He is acutely aware that one day I'll take over the business and that my ability to take care of my children is all wrapped up in the success of our business.
My mother is also struggling with severe health problems of her own. This past weekend while my dad was at his reunion, BLT pitched in to watch all the kids so that I could stay out at my parents house with my mother. She's had total knee reconstructions, a titanium rod and pins inserted in her spine, a blood clot in her lungs at one point, she's had more surgeries than anyone I know. And now it appears as though she's got a herniated disc in her back and she can barely walk around with the aid of two canes. She needs someone to help with the laundry, the cleaning, and to cook for her. Not to mention they have two dogs that need care if my dad isn't around.
It's weird to me to think that in just over a decade my parents went from active, vivacious people who enjoyed RVing and camping to... well... old people.
It scares me to think they they won't always be here. I don't know what I would do without them. I need them. My kids need them.
My dad is living with Lupus. Every day is a battle. His kidney's don't work efficiently so his hands and feet get enormously swollen. His face and tongue have areas of numbness. He has to drink with a straw, and he won't eat in front of other people. He recently went to his 40th year reunion and he was too embarrassed to have dinner at the restaurant with everyone else. He waited and ate alone in his hotel room after the event. It makes me sad to know he's self conscious. It's hard to know he's in physical pain a lot.
My dad is a good man. He's a hard working man. Even with all of his health problems he works at our business six days a week to help ensure a good future for the kids and I. He is acutely aware that one day I'll take over the business and that my ability to take care of my children is all wrapped up in the success of our business.
My mother is also struggling with severe health problems of her own. This past weekend while my dad was at his reunion, BLT pitched in to watch all the kids so that I could stay out at my parents house with my mother. She's had total knee reconstructions, a titanium rod and pins inserted in her spine, a blood clot in her lungs at one point, she's had more surgeries than anyone I know. And now it appears as though she's got a herniated disc in her back and she can barely walk around with the aid of two canes. She needs someone to help with the laundry, the cleaning, and to cook for her. Not to mention they have two dogs that need care if my dad isn't around.
It's weird to me to think that in just over a decade my parents went from active, vivacious people who enjoyed RVing and camping to... well... old people.
It scares me to think they they won't always be here. I don't know what I would do without them. I need them. My kids need them.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Animal Hoarders
I've been watching Animal Hoarders on TV today.
Someone explain WTF is wrong with these people! 150 chickens living inside your house? What? I mean, the cats and dogs peeing all over the place are gross enough... but chickens? Really?
And here's another one that puzzles the hell out of me. The family is all, "Dad can you please give up the chickens? Will you agree to find them homes?" etc. It is CRAZY behavior to have 150 chickens inside your house... Dad obviously can't be counted on to make a rational decision for himself.
My method involves waiting until Dad leaves the house and then getting rid of all the freaking chickens! All I know is if he were my family he would have a clean house... and a freezer full of nuggets!
Someone explain WTF is wrong with these people! 150 chickens living inside your house? What? I mean, the cats and dogs peeing all over the place are gross enough... but chickens? Really?
And here's another one that puzzles the hell out of me. The family is all, "Dad can you please give up the chickens? Will you agree to find them homes?" etc. It is CRAZY behavior to have 150 chickens inside your house... Dad obviously can't be counted on to make a rational decision for himself.
My method involves waiting until Dad leaves the house and then getting rid of all the freaking chickens! All I know is if he were my family he would have a clean house... and a freezer full of nuggets!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wanting
I'm not one to spend a lot of time thinking about the things I don't have. I'm more of a "here and now" kinda girl. That being said, I have a little wish list started of things I want for myself. They aren't all things, some of them are experiences, or less tangible - more intrinsic type things.
I want to see NYC
I want to go on an Alaskan Cruise
I want to learn to cook authentic Italian food
I want to loose 15 lbs (hmmm... might be harder with that Italian food... lol)
I want to repair my credit and buy a house of my own
I want to see the Smithsonian
I want to take a photography class
I want to learn relaxation techniques and/or Yoga in an effort to manage my PTSD symptoms
I want to plant a vegetable garden
I want to have a hot tub
See... It's not a big list. It's not a glamorous list. It doesn't involve luxury vacations or fame and fortune. It's simple things - but they are all things that feel very far away right now. Due to time, energy, money, focus, lifestyle... so many reasons... it just feels like all these things will be sitting on the back burner waiting for awhile.
I guess that's the good thing about dreams. They don't have expiration dates.
I want to see NYC
I want to go on an Alaskan Cruise
I want to learn to cook authentic Italian food
I want to loose 15 lbs (hmmm... might be harder with that Italian food... lol)
I want to repair my credit and buy a house of my own
I want to see the Smithsonian
I want to take a photography class
I want to learn relaxation techniques and/or Yoga in an effort to manage my PTSD symptoms
I want to plant a vegetable garden
I want to have a hot tub
See... It's not a big list. It's not a glamorous list. It doesn't involve luxury vacations or fame and fortune. It's simple things - but they are all things that feel very far away right now. Due to time, energy, money, focus, lifestyle... so many reasons... it just feels like all these things will be sitting on the back burner waiting for awhile.
I guess that's the good thing about dreams. They don't have expiration dates.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
And that's what I pay her for!
Every now and then it surprises me just how damn freaking AMAZING my lawyer is. My X just won't get on board with the GAL for the kids that was mandated by the family courts last month.
See, X was given 60 days to communicate with his kids via letters in order to introduce himself to them. After which he was supposed to meet with a GAL for a DV and Mental Evaluation, and a plan was to be developed after the GAL's investigation so that some monitored visitation could be established in a visitation center. This is supposedly what he wants... but all he's done is be obstructive and defiant.
In the past 30 days there has been one letter sent to each child. That's it. He's objected (through his lawyer) to the GAL appointed by the judge. Then he objected to both of the following GAL's we found who met the judges criteria. There is never any basis for his objection. Just a flat refusal to sign the papers.
He recently sent a totally inappropriate choice to us, with a snotty little note from his lawyer that she was going on vacation so we should just "check Dr. D out and see when he can start." Assuming of course that I would just fall in line with what he wants. Like I'm going to pay my lawyer to do HIS homework. No thanks... plus this person doesn't meet the judges criteria of being an expert in Domestic Violence, and he's a male. My four children if you haven't guessed by now are all female. They went through a traumatic event at the hands of their own father. They have male trust issues, especially the youngest and the oldest. The fact that he doesn't understand this is further proof that he just doesn't accept the ramifications of his actions.
So my lawyer... being the kick ass legal bulldog that she is just sent him what is essentially a "shit or get off the pot" letter. He has until the 26th of August to sign the papers appointing the GAL we've found that was approved by the courts - or we'll end up back in front of the judge. He can explain to the commissioner why he's being such an ass.
It's just nice to know that she's taking care of business for me, and that she keeps the best interest of my kids in mind at all times.
See, X was given 60 days to communicate with his kids via letters in order to introduce himself to them. After which he was supposed to meet with a GAL for a DV and Mental Evaluation, and a plan was to be developed after the GAL's investigation so that some monitored visitation could be established in a visitation center. This is supposedly what he wants... but all he's done is be obstructive and defiant.
In the past 30 days there has been one letter sent to each child. That's it. He's objected (through his lawyer) to the GAL appointed by the judge. Then he objected to both of the following GAL's we found who met the judges criteria. There is never any basis for his objection. Just a flat refusal to sign the papers.
He recently sent a totally inappropriate choice to us, with a snotty little note from his lawyer that she was going on vacation so we should just "check Dr. D out and see when he can start." Assuming of course that I would just fall in line with what he wants. Like I'm going to pay my lawyer to do HIS homework. No thanks... plus this person doesn't meet the judges criteria of being an expert in Domestic Violence, and he's a male. My four children if you haven't guessed by now are all female. They went through a traumatic event at the hands of their own father. They have male trust issues, especially the youngest and the oldest. The fact that he doesn't understand this is further proof that he just doesn't accept the ramifications of his actions.
So my lawyer... being the kick ass legal bulldog that she is just sent him what is essentially a "shit or get off the pot" letter. He has until the 26th of August to sign the papers appointing the GAL we've found that was approved by the courts - or we'll end up back in front of the judge. He can explain to the commissioner why he's being such an ass.
It's just nice to know that she's taking care of business for me, and that she keeps the best interest of my kids in mind at all times.
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