Chef turns 14 today! I don't allow my kids to read my blog, so Chef doesn't realize I'm on here sending Happy Birthday Wishes out to the blogisphere... but I am anyway.
Chef changed my world. Becoming a mother for the first time was the singularly most amazing and scary experience of my life. I love the person that she's become. She has taught me patience and softness in ways only a child can. She was the first person in my life who really needed me and who was totally dependant on me.
Happy Birthday baby... I'm a better person since I became your Mom.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Capt. Coo-Ka-Loo strikes again!
Today BLT said, "Well it appears that X is going to behave himself. Maybe the worst is behind us." Why oh why didn't we knock on wood, toss salt over a shoulder... something to negate the joo joo we just unleashed?
It wasn't more than an hour later that I got a call from my daycare provider. It appears that X was upset by the bill he received for his half of the child care.
Somehow in the La La Land that X operates in he's decided that he should only pay 285.00 per month for two kids. No idea where he pulled that number out of, but he decided that's his fair share and everyone else should just go along with it. His half of the bill for October is 315.00... yes folks, he's harassing someone over 30.00, what the hell is wrong with him?
So instead of being rational and mature he starts to fixate... then he starts to call. Between the hours of 8 and 11:40 he called 7 times. Who does that? He creeped out the poor girls at the center, and I feel terrible that my provider is feeling harassed.
He didn't get the answer he wanted from the first two people he spoke with so he proceeded to call five more times and just hang up when the owner wasn't the one who answered. They did the *69 thing, so they know it was him. Once the owner was available to call him back he makes vague references to having his lawyer deal with the "Icky Sticky Legal Issues" as he called them. What is there to deal with? You owe half - no matter how much it is. Suck it up, and send the poor woman her payment.
The other issue at hand is the fact that on two occasions the provider has informed him that she does not want to deal with him directly. She told him once, and sent him a letter informing him that she chooses to only deal with him via email. So he really does need to leave this poor woman alone.
For the love of baby Jesus... he can't even exhibit a little bit of self control when he knows that the GAL and therapists have his behavior under scrutiny. Why can't he just behave himself?
Oh ya... because he's a freakin' whack job! Part man child, part deranged felon... that's right....
It wasn't more than an hour later that I got a call from my daycare provider. It appears that X was upset by the bill he received for his half of the child care.
Somehow in the La La Land that X operates in he's decided that he should only pay 285.00 per month for two kids. No idea where he pulled that number out of, but he decided that's his fair share and everyone else should just go along with it. His half of the bill for October is 315.00... yes folks, he's harassing someone over 30.00, what the hell is wrong with him?
So instead of being rational and mature he starts to fixate... then he starts to call. Between the hours of 8 and 11:40 he called 7 times. Who does that? He creeped out the poor girls at the center, and I feel terrible that my provider is feeling harassed.
He didn't get the answer he wanted from the first two people he spoke with so he proceeded to call five more times and just hang up when the owner wasn't the one who answered. They did the *69 thing, so they know it was him. Once the owner was available to call him back he makes vague references to having his lawyer deal with the "Icky Sticky Legal Issues" as he called them. What is there to deal with? You owe half - no matter how much it is. Suck it up, and send the poor woman her payment.
The other issue at hand is the fact that on two occasions the provider has informed him that she does not want to deal with him directly. She told him once, and sent him a letter informing him that she chooses to only deal with him via email. So he really does need to leave this poor woman alone.
For the love of baby Jesus... he can't even exhibit a little bit of self control when he knows that the GAL and therapists have his behavior under scrutiny. Why can't he just behave himself?
Oh ya... because he's a freakin' whack job! Part man child, part deranged felon... that's right....
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Wanted:
Wanted:
One good man for my dear friend Ethel.
The appropriate applicant will be moderately handsome in a rugged way. No pretty boys need apply. (Why moderately handsome? Because you can't be so hound dog homely her girly bits dry up at the sight of you, and not so drop dead gorgeous that you think your God's gift to vaginas everywhere)
He will also be honest, funny but not at the expense of others and not in any way that could be showcased on the TV show "Jack Ass". This applicant will be gainfully employed, not living with his parents unless they are elderly and/or handicapped; because the former is creepy but the latter is sweet... understand the difference? Good! He will know how to balance a check book, cook an edible meal, and understands the reason for separating the colors from the whites when doing laundry.
Mr. Perfect must have an appreciation for a lush female form. He must worship her petite "plush-ness" and love her just the way she is - and yet enjoy various recreational activities which will encourage her to maintain her path towards optimal health and happiness.
If you are between the ages of 32 - 45 and meet the above qualifications please apply in person with Lucy. Gifts of chocolate and James Rollin's novels great appreciated, and flattery will get you everywhere. Please provide proof of employment and a clean STD panel from your doctor.
No cross dressers, liars, nail biters, drug addicts, or anyone who knows all the words to any Counting Crows song need apply.
One good man for my dear friend Ethel.
The appropriate applicant will be moderately handsome in a rugged way. No pretty boys need apply. (Why moderately handsome? Because you can't be so hound dog homely her girly bits dry up at the sight of you, and not so drop dead gorgeous that you think your God's gift to vaginas everywhere)
He will also be honest, funny but not at the expense of others and not in any way that could be showcased on the TV show "Jack Ass". This applicant will be gainfully employed, not living with his parents unless they are elderly and/or handicapped; because the former is creepy but the latter is sweet... understand the difference? Good! He will know how to balance a check book, cook an edible meal, and understands the reason for separating the colors from the whites when doing laundry.
Mr. Perfect must have an appreciation for a lush female form. He must worship her petite "plush-ness" and love her just the way she is - and yet enjoy various recreational activities which will encourage her to maintain her path towards optimal health and happiness.
If you are between the ages of 32 - 45 and meet the above qualifications please apply in person with Lucy. Gifts of chocolate and James Rollin's novels great appreciated, and flattery will get you everywhere. Please provide proof of employment and a clean STD panel from your doctor.
No cross dressers, liars, nail biters, drug addicts, or anyone who knows all the words to any Counting Crows song need apply.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Lucy Left Alone...2.0
It seems as though it's my lot in life to have partners who travel. Now BLT being away feels totally different than when my X traveled for work - but still, I feel a tad jealous to be honest.
On the outside I'm supportive. I listen to the stories about the restaurants enjoyed, or the schmoozing and the night life activities that come along with business conventions, but deep down I want to shout, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FIVE COURSE GOURMET MEAL.... I MADE GRILLED CHEESE AND SOUP - AGAIN! YOU WENT TO A CONCERT AND A BALL GAME. I SPENT FRIDAY NIGHT PICKING GUM OUT OF A 6 YEAR OLD'S HAIR!"
Does that make me a bad person? I hope not, I know it sounds petty so I bite my tongue, smile, nod, and listen.
When I was married my X traveled Monday - Friday, came home long enough to do his laundry, complain about things I hadn't managed to get done while I was raising the children essentially alone, nag at me about our non-existent sex life, ignore us for awhile and play World of Warcraft, and then repack his clean skivvies and take off for another round of meetings and expensive hotels. I can't remember a single time he ever called to check in on us. He just assumed I had everything under control - and for the most part I did. It burned me though to hear him describe how exhausting his job was, and how horrible it was to be away from home so much. What a freaking phony!
I know it's not all glamorous. I know that it's exhausting sometimes having to be on your A-Game when you're not sleeping well, or you're traveling while not feeling great. And I know, at least for BLT he does genuinely miss the kids and I when he's away. But even knowing all that I would love, just once to trade places. I would love to only be responsible for dressing myself for a week. I would like to be the one in the hotel room with clean sheets, a never ending supply of hot water for the shower, and a newspaper at the door each morning. I would like to be the one ordering meals in restaurants instead of cooking. I would like to be the one who has an excuse to dress in something nicer than my ratty jeans and bleached out David Bowie concert tee. I want someone else to stay home alone with the kids - to go to work all day long, come home at night and make dinner, help with homework, referee arguments, play taxi driver, get everything ready for the next day and then be there to listen to my funny stories about the people I met or the places I ate at.
BLT will be home from another trip in about four hours... and of course I'm looking forward to his return. I miss him very much when he's away - something totally new for me. When my X traveled it was more of a relief. Our marriage was in the toilet and when he was around it was even more stressful. So I'll do my hair, put on a clean shirt, dig the graphite and grime out from under my nails and get my game face on...
On the outside I'm supportive. I listen to the stories about the restaurants enjoyed, or the schmoozing and the night life activities that come along with business conventions, but deep down I want to shout, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FIVE COURSE GOURMET MEAL.... I MADE GRILLED CHEESE AND SOUP - AGAIN! YOU WENT TO A CONCERT AND A BALL GAME. I SPENT FRIDAY NIGHT PICKING GUM OUT OF A 6 YEAR OLD'S HAIR!"
Does that make me a bad person? I hope not, I know it sounds petty so I bite my tongue, smile, nod, and listen.
When I was married my X traveled Monday - Friday, came home long enough to do his laundry, complain about things I hadn't managed to get done while I was raising the children essentially alone, nag at me about our non-existent sex life, ignore us for awhile and play World of Warcraft, and then repack his clean skivvies and take off for another round of meetings and expensive hotels. I can't remember a single time he ever called to check in on us. He just assumed I had everything under control - and for the most part I did. It burned me though to hear him describe how exhausting his job was, and how horrible it was to be away from home so much. What a freaking phony!
I know it's not all glamorous. I know that it's exhausting sometimes having to be on your A-Game when you're not sleeping well, or you're traveling while not feeling great. And I know, at least for BLT he does genuinely miss the kids and I when he's away. But even knowing all that I would love, just once to trade places. I would love to only be responsible for dressing myself for a week. I would like to be the one in the hotel room with clean sheets, a never ending supply of hot water for the shower, and a newspaper at the door each morning. I would like to be the one ordering meals in restaurants instead of cooking. I would like to be the one who has an excuse to dress in something nicer than my ratty jeans and bleached out David Bowie concert tee. I want someone else to stay home alone with the kids - to go to work all day long, come home at night and make dinner, help with homework, referee arguments, play taxi driver, get everything ready for the next day and then be there to listen to my funny stories about the people I met or the places I ate at.
BLT will be home from another trip in about four hours... and of course I'm looking forward to his return. I miss him very much when he's away - something totally new for me. When my X traveled it was more of a relief. Our marriage was in the toilet and when he was around it was even more stressful. So I'll do my hair, put on a clean shirt, dig the graphite and grime out from under my nails and get my game face on...
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I ordered invitations!
I'm just doing a little happy dance here. I was able to go to Mixbook.com and order my wedding invitations, save-the-date cards, and RSVP cards. I designed them myself, and I'll get them printed and shipped to me including the envelopes all for less than a hundred bucks! With my squeaky tight wedding budget it's a huge weight off my shoulders to have these come under budget. (It's the only thing so far that hasn't cost me more than I planned for, lol!)
They aren't fancy, or multi-layered, or printed on ritzy paper... but none of the people I love enough to invite to my wedding will care. It's a small ceremony, and the Historic Inn we're getting married at only holds 50 people. We are only inviting our nearest and dearest loved ones to celebrate our special day with us.
I'm pretty excited to get my hands on them and see them in person!
They aren't fancy, or multi-layered, or printed on ritzy paper... but none of the people I love enough to invite to my wedding will care. It's a small ceremony, and the Historic Inn we're getting married at only holds 50 people. We are only inviting our nearest and dearest loved ones to celebrate our special day with us.
I'm pretty excited to get my hands on them and see them in person!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Smithsonian Magazine Free Museum Day
Ohh... hurry, hurry... click on this link right now and get your FREE tickets for 2 for your local Smithsonian Magazine museum. Put in your zip code or state and it will give you a list of participating Museums in your area. Both my local Art Museum and the Museum of Glass I've been dying to visit are accepting these tickets!
Saturday, September 24th you can get into one of your local museums for free, art, science and children museums included!
BLT is out of town and doesn't know that we have a date on Saturday!
Saturday, September 24th you can get into one of your local museums for free, art, science and children museums included!
BLT is out of town and doesn't know that we have a date on Saturday!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
An old man smell...
As we are leaving the in laws house on Sunday Lady Bug and I both step in dog pooh... lovely...
Of course I'm several blocks down the road before we are all gagging and checking our shoes. We find the culprits and get the shoes scrapped off in the grass, but the smell lingered and was HORRID.
My oldest says, "Mom, your car smells like crap" over and over - making really dramatic gagging noises and faces. Unable to take any more I pull over at a little pharmacy run in. I grab the first air freshener I lay my hands on.
It was a black and yellow hibiscus flower and it was called, "Midnight Oasis" or something like that. In case you were wondering - Midnight Oasis smells like funky old man's cologne.
It only took two or three minutes before the oldest pipes up from the backseat again; "Great... now your car smells like an old guy crapped his pants."
This time the gagging and faces were being made by myself. *Sigh...*
Thanks kid....
Of course I'm several blocks down the road before we are all gagging and checking our shoes. We find the culprits and get the shoes scrapped off in the grass, but the smell lingered and was HORRID.
My oldest says, "Mom, your car smells like crap" over and over - making really dramatic gagging noises and faces. Unable to take any more I pull over at a little pharmacy run in. I grab the first air freshener I lay my hands on.
It was a black and yellow hibiscus flower and it was called, "Midnight Oasis" or something like that. In case you were wondering - Midnight Oasis smells like funky old man's cologne.
It only took two or three minutes before the oldest pipes up from the backseat again; "Great... now your car smells like an old guy crapped his pants."
This time the gagging and faces were being made by myself. *Sigh...*
Thanks kid....
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