A girl has to meet her own needs on occasion.

For those of you whose mind resides in the gutter, no, I don't mean getting myself off. Although, let's be honest, sometimes it's just what you need. No fuss, and no egos to stroke. I'm not opposed to pleasuring myself, but if BLT is around I readily admit that I'm a fan of the manly bits and LOVE LOVE LOVE me some good old fashioned man lovin'.

What I mean are my other needs in life. Exercise, a well deserved pat on the back, a delicious meal. I gave myself all three today. I went for a two + mile run, did a weight circuit and walked home. I did a little happy dance and bought myself a new book online as a "yay me" gift. I made a delish Mexican feast and enjoyed every bite! Then I gave myself the gift of not being such a control freak. I walked away and let the kids clean the kitchen.

Will it be perfect? No. Will they forget to do something? Likely. Will I survive? Certainly. I'm trying to give myself a break. I'm trying to accept that with four kids my house doesn't have to be picture perfect.

I've worked hard, exercised hard, ate a great meal, rewarded myself with something I love and left my able children to deal with one of my least favorite responsibilities. It's been a good day. Maybe my need to run, mentioned in yesterday's post, is just me needing to let go of some of my perceived responsibilities?

Maybe I just need to take care of a few of my own basic needs, and let the kids and BLT meet a few more of their own? As much as I want to be Super Woman sometimes, I would much rather be more relaxed, more fun... more the true self I remember being when I was younger and less burdened by the weight of my world.

I'm not sure how successful I'll be, but I'll keep trying. Sometimes I think it's just a part of my nature to be a little controlling. But I'll be honest, I would much rather be happy than in control all the time.

Sleeping, Eatting, and a Workout Routine

I'm sleeping well these days, deeply and without bad dreams. I got my head shrunk a bit and realized that I just had to face a few fears head on, work them all out of my head. I had to allow myself to be okay with being afraid and talk out all the "what if" situations. I'm actually doing a lot better.

Eatting, now there is a something I'm struggling with a lot. I do well during the day: Coffee and Fruit for breakfast, fiber bar for a snack a few hours later, a Slimfast shake and more fruit or raw veggies for lunch. Then evening rolls around. I get home, and I'm hungry... then I exercise and I'm even more hungry. I end up eatting way too many calories and going to bed with a full stomach. BAD BAD BAD I know, but I seem stuck in this rut. I work twelve hour days and come home exhausted...ugh...

I need to get back into a normal workout routine. I was working out every day before the whole "divorce/moving/husband going nuts and trying to kill me/homeless/job change/moving again" thing that has been going on the past six months. We are settled into a house now. I need to get back on the wagon. I've been jogging every now and then... and doing the occasional work out tape. I need to get back to working out daily or at least several times per week. I've gained 12 lbs since July of last year, and it needs to come off... there is a statute of limitations on using "stress" as an excuse.

This is the type of Sunday I remember

Today wasn't perfection or anything, but it was the first weekend since August that I felt was normal. It was as close as we've gotten in the past several months to a normal, stress free, drama free family Sunday.

We all over slept to begin with. Something I never do. I have a very hard time sleeping in general. I fell asleep some time after 3am, and I was dead to the world until 11 am. 8 whole hours is double what I normally get, and I'm a light sleeper too.... not today. I was in a coma, dead to the world until I woke up.

We walked to the video store to return a movie, then over to the park. It was cool out, but we had fun playing on the big toy, playing with the dogs, jogging a little bit around the paths. Then we took the dogs home and walked back to the video store to pick up Planet 51 we had on reserve. Back home for sub sandwiches for dinner, our movie, and then we played a couple games of Clue.

Laundry, and getting ready for school the next day, then bed for the kiddies. All in all, very normal. Normal feels amazing after all the upheaval and craziness we've had in the past 7 months. Normal feels like a gift.